Reading for post c-section

[TeamGR]

Hi everyone,

Does anyone have any reading suggestions for "getting over" having a c-section? Whenever I see something about the high rate of c-sections and how bad they are, and how babies miss out on so many good things by not going through the birth canal, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.  I know I tried as hard as I could and we did everything we could, and having my amazing doula in the room was the sure fire way to know that it couldn't have gone any other way.  But I also feel like I failed my baby. Like I could have given him all these additional
protections and benefits and I wasn't able to do so.... do you know if anyone has written about this? 

Quick labor summary: 22 hours unmedicated, contractions stopped, head crooked and too large for birth canal. Tried pitocin without any pain meds to get the whole thing going again, pushed for 3 hours, finally no other choice but a c. 

Thanks!

(cross posted in my Feb 2012 DDC)

[element2012]

I know that there are discussion and groups about this, but I don't know what they are off the top of my head. Bump?

[escher]

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Have you checked out the cesarean forum? http://www.mothering.com/community/f/17256/cesarean

Good luck.

[wilsonfamily]

Just know that you are not alone. I did not want to have a c-section either, gave my husband strict instructions on that on the way to the hospital as well. But after 2 days of natural labor even when getting pitocin I broke down and got an epidural. After a night with the epidural and more pitocin my labor was still not going past a 6. I also struggled with the exact same feelings for a few weeks. Around 6 weeks with the encouragement and talking about it with my husband and lots of prayers I felt the "guilt" lift up. There is not a lot of conversation around the struggles, and the struggles that come about with having an unplanned c-section. Good luck and know that you have someone that understands. Not sure of any groups though. 

[TeamGR]

Thanks, everyone. I didn't know there was a c-section forum here, this is really helpful.  I know a big part of it is my perfectionist streak.... I wanted my son's birth to be this perfect image of peace and joy and instead I had some peace and joy and then some frustration and a lot of pain and then a big letdown. 

 I will just have to keep working at it. 

[maryamrose]

I know how you feel, mama. I'm a very analytical person, and what helped me was reading other people's experiences with surgery, and outlining the positive things about my own experience. I was a home birth transfer, and even though I am a little sad that my son's birth experience wasn't what I expected, it's just how he had to be born (he was malpositioned and by the time we figured out what was wrong, he was in distress). I have to stand up for our experience - it was absolutely meaningful and memorable.

feel free to PM me if you'd like to process your experience with someone who's been there. the cesarean forum here is also great.

[Ratchet]

You have/ will have countless opportunities to provide beneficial experiences, nutrition, and relationships to your child.  When your baby is new, the birth experience can seem like such a big percentage of that.  But as your baby gets older, and you continue to be an awesome parent, all those other choices start to add up and balance out the things that didn't go ideally.

Which is not to say that birth doesn't matter-- it absolutely does, but it's not about it going one way.  It's about you knowing that you were strong and a survivor, that your baby is resilient, that you had supportive people around you, that you understand what happened and why and the story of the birth becomes one more story in your life.