Co-sleeping= No-sleeping « Back to Group Discussions

[Kindermama]

I need to change our sleeping arrangements. E is still nursing incessantly at night. He does pull off here and there but once the sleep cycle ends, he's using me as a pacifier to get back to sleep. Basically, he's nursing every 45-1 hour all night long but really only taking a full feed sometime between 2-4 am. It's been 7.5 months of no sleep. I couldn't bring myself to make a change in the past but I think I need to do it now. Thing is, I'm scared to put him in a crib in his own room just down the hall. He would be about 15 feet from our bedroom but I'm having a hard time with it. He would definitely need his own room as he wakes if I so much as move my tingling arms or aching hips (ouch!) at night. I get stuck in one position for hours at a time at night and it's not comfortable at all. Crib in our room won't work because he wakes to any bit of noise (which my DH makes EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he comes to bed no matter how much I beg him to be quiet!), even with the white noise machine on. Anyway, I think I may be neurotic. I think about a house fire happening and whether or not I could save him. What happens if a lamp in his room sets on fire. Sure, the alarm would sound, but could I save him? Do any of you guys think like this or do I need therapy? 

Anyway, any tips for getting him into his own crib that does not involve hysterically crying-it-out?

[bentlaj11]

 I can't seem to put DS2 in his crib beside my bed, so no, I don't think you are neurotic for not wanting him down the hall!

[montessorimama1]

What did you do with your other kids?  It might help if he shares a bedroom with one of the other kids; sure he might cry for a few days but he's not alone and that really helps them settle down.

[AfricanQueen99]

Originally Posted by Kindermama 

Anyway, I think I may be neurotic. I think about a house fire happening and whether or not I could save him. What happens if a lamp in his room sets on fire. Sure, the alarm would sound, but could I save him? Do any of you guys think like this or do I need therapy? 

I'd call that a little over the top in the worry department.  In fact, it reminded me of today's email blast http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/worry-less-love-more

Because I value my marriage *as much as* my role as a mother I've moved my kids from our (the one I share with my old man) bed around six months each time.  Each time it has taken a gentle nudge from my husband, but I've willingly agreed that adult time, sex time, goofing off and being silly without someone sucking on me time was important.  Plus, I'm not a great co-sleeper - I don't like being touched and can NOT sleep when someone is nursing or laying on me.  So, anyway, that's my background.

Each time that I made the progression I did it in tiny mama steps. 

1. Work on a nighttime routine (generally diaper change, put on jammies, sing a song, rock and nurse - NOT TO SLEEP, but tired)

2. Put to sleep in crib

3. At first waking to eat I'd bring them back to the master bed

* When kid was comfortable with this change I'd move to the next stage

4. Rock and nurse in their room and put them back to sleep in the crib

Lather, rinse, repeat all night long.  After a while the wakings were fewer.  And I eventually got the point with all three kids that they didn't even require nursing as part of the routine - if something came up they were fine with the diaper/PJs/love and then crib.

For some reason it's never been a long progression.  They all seemed to get that I'd come back for them without tears because I'd already built that attachment.  And, no, I'm not talking about "easy" mellow kids.  All three kids did the typical "WAAAA, come-get-me-and-feed-me-lady" cries, but nothing of the "I'm-dying-in-here-and-you're-evil" variety.

I feel you.  God, that aching hip pain is miserable!

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by montessorimama1 

What did you do with your other kids?  It might help if he shares a bedroom with one of the other kids; sure he might cry for a few days but he's not alone and that really helps them settle down.

My other kids didn't wake every 45 minutes to latch on to comfort nurse back to sleep. They did wake up a few times at night...every 3-4 hours but this guy takes the cake as far as night-wakings go. 

Quote:

Because I value my marriage *as much as* my role as a mother I've moved my kids from our (the one I share with my old man) bed around six months each time.  Each time it has taken a gentle nudge from my husband, but I've willingly agreed that adult time, sex time, goofing off and being silly without someone sucking on me time was important.  Plus, I'm not a great co-sleeper

I value my marriage too and I want time with my DH so badly. That's why I'm now feeling willing to make a change. All of my other kids would sleep for a 2-3 hours stretch at night (by 6 months) before their first waking so, in the past, it was never a problem to find "us" time in the evening. I'm not a great co-sleeper either. I don't sleep through his night nursing sessions as well as I need to to be able to continue doing it. 

That's for the reality-check. I knows it's neurotic. I just need to get over it and make a change! Thanks for sharing the link and also your routine! 

[element2012]

I've been struggling with the need to move DD out of the bed too. I've had the same issue you mention, being constantly latched on (although not very often), and a couple of nudges from DH like AQ. How does Little Dude sleep in the daytime? Is he self-soothing at all? I've noticed in the last couple of weeks that my girl will startle in a nap but actually go back to sleep on her own.  This is new for us, and a clear sign to me that she is ready to sleep on her own some.  Granted, she never sleeps more than 45 mins in the day time, but why nit-pick here...  I don't have a crib yet, might want to consider getting one soon.  Right now I do often lay her down to sleep in her swing, where she is for a few hours and when she wakes she comes back into the bed.  But yes, Kindermama, it realllly sounds like you both need to change your set up like right now.

[montessorimama1]

Can I suggest something?  One reason babies don't like to sleep on their own is because they're put in cribs.  They hate being contained, especially now that they want to explore their environment.  I have Zach in a floor bed and it's been AWESOME.  It's a mattress on the floor (can be a crib mattress, a futon or even a low twin mattress) and they have the freedom to get out of bed and explore when they're not tired.  All you have to do is baby-proof their room, which after all is THEIR room and they should feel comfortable in it.  I put Zach down to sleep and when he's not tired he'll roll himself out of bed, have a conversation with the leg of the nursing chair, pull out a couple of toys (we have about 3-4 toys on a low shelf) and then call for me to put him back when he gets sleepy.  Then when he wakes up, I hear him roll himself out of bed and play with his toys.  I can take my time to go get him because he's so content, and it's so nice that he doesn't wake up screaming bloody murder!  It's such a gentle and respectful way for babies to sleep, we absolutely love it and wouldn't consider any other alternative at this age.  Children around the world sleep on floor beds (all throughout Asia and Latin America), and they're much safer than cribs as long as you're careful about baby-proofing.

It's not a panacea, there will still be some adjustment from sleeping with mom and having 24/7 access to her boobs, to sleeping on their own, but the fact that it's their bed and they have the freedom to get in and out at will makes a huge difference in their adjustment.

Here's a great website to read up on floor beds and why they're so great for a baby's development: www.bedstart.com

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by montessorimama1 

Can I suggest something?  One reason babies don't like to sleep on their own is because they're put in cribs.  They hate being contained, especially now that they want to explore their environment.  I have Zach in a floor bed and it's been AWESOME.  It's a mattress on the floor (can be a crib mattress, a futon or even a low twin mattress) and they have the freedom to get out of bed and explore when they're not tired.  All you have to do is baby-proof their room, which after all is THEIR room and they should feel comfortable in it.  I put Zach down to sleep and when he's not tired he'll roll himself out of bed, have a conversation with the leg of the nursing chair, pull out a couple of toys (we have about 3-4 toys on a low shelf) and then call for me to put him back when he gets sleepy.  Then when he wakes up, I hear him roll himself out of bed and play with his toys.  I can take my time to go get him because he's so content, and it's so nice that he doesn't wake up screaming bloody murder!  It's such a gentle and respectful way for babies to sleep, we absolutely love it and wouldn't consider any other alternative at this age.  Children around the world sleep on floor beds (all throughout Asia and Latin America), and they're much safer than cribs as long as you're careful about baby-proofing.

It's not a panacea, there will still be some adjustment from sleeping with mom and having 24/7 access to her boobs, to sleeping on their own, but the fact that it's their bed and they have the freedom to get in and out at will makes a huge difference in their adjustment.

Here's a great website to read up on floor beds and why they're so great for a baby's development: www.bedstart.com

What an AWESOME concept! Thank you so much for sharing! I'm going to try it. Funny because at some point I do move them from crib to floor mattress. I just never thought to do it so young. Right now, Everest's room is empty except for a bookshelf and dresser. Do you secure the furniture to the walls in this case? 

[mamaharrison]

Just peaking in from December due date forum ; )

I wanted to share this: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html 
I don't know the age of your nursling, but if they are over 1 then this is by far the gentlest method of getting more sleep without having to banish babe to another room or crib. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, but it is by and far one of the most widely used nighttime parenting tools for a reason--it usually helps everyone to sleep better ; )

I have a 3y2m old DD who still nurses through the night. It didn't bother me at all before this pregnancy, but now I find it difficult to navigate. With DHs help we used this method to gently cut down on the time she was waking and wanting to nurse at night. Within 10 days she was mostly sleeping without nursing and if she did nurse it was a brief suckle followed by her popping off herself and rolling over and going right back to sleep herself. It REALLY helped! There was no need to CIO or anything like that.

I have many breastfeeding friends who have used this technique successfully for nightweaning/getting babe/kiddos to sleep longer stretches without nursing. Good Luck!

[montessorimama1]

Originally Posted by Kindermama 

What an AWESOME concept! Thank you so much for sharing! I'm going to try it. Funny because at some point I do move them from crib to floor mattress. I just never thought to do it so young. Right now, Everest's room is empty except for a bookshelf and dresser. Do you secure the furniture to the walls in this case? 

Yes, if the furniture has the potential for falling over, definitely secure it.  Go all out with baby proofing because they WILL crawl off the mattress.  But that's part of the charm.  :)  We love it, I could tell you so many fun stories about the floor bed... :)

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by montessorimama1 

Yes, if the furniture has the potential for falling over, definitely secure it.  Go all out with baby proofing because they WILL crawl off the mattress.  But that's part of the charm.  :)  We love it, I could tell you so many fun stories about the floor bed... :)

how did you transition him onto the floor bed? were you co-sleeping before? 

[montessorimama1]

Originally Posted by Kindermama 

how did you transition him onto the floor bed? were you co-sleeping before? 

I originally had him in a floor bassinet by my bed (we have a small mattress on the floor and we're very tall people, so co-sleeping was impossible).  It was as close to co-sleeping as you can get, I would lift him up and slip him into bed to nurse on-demand through the night and then just slip him back.  When he was one month old I started moving his bassinet to his room (next door to ours) for daytime naps.  I would put the bassinet on top of the floor bed.  I did this for two weeks, then fully transitioned him when he was 6 weeks.  I had to get up to nurse, which SUCKED, but I think it was perfect timing because he started sleeping longer periods and waking up at the same time each night, which meant he was developing sleep patterns.  

Hope that helps!  :)

[element2012]

Kindermama, I'm curious if you made any changes to your sleep setup yet? We just bought a crib mattress and put it on the floor by our bed. DD sleeps there for naps and the first few hours at night, when she wakes I bring her back in the bed. As I, and DD get more comfortable I will try to put her back in her bed at night time, but I'm lazy, ha!

I finally decided to try a floor bed because she's still not crawling at 7.5 months. I know all things in due time but I get stressed out because she was early with her milestones up until crawling. Get moving girl!

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by element2012 

Kindermama, I'm curious if you made any changes to your sleep setup yet? We just bought a crib mattress and put it on the floor by our bed. DD sleeps there for naps and the first few hours at night, when she wakes I bring her back in the bed. As I, and DD get more comfortable I will try to put her back in her bed at night time, but I'm lazy, ha!
I finally decided to try a floor bed because she's still not crawling at 7.5 months. I know all things in due time but I get stressed out because she was early with her milestones up until crawling. Get moving girl!

got everything ready to go...bed, trundle frame, pictures, mirror for next to his bed....etc etc....but the room needs repainting! My older son destroyed the walls with his thumbtacks and whatnot. So I don't have a success story to share but I will. I better! ;)

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by element2012 

Get moving girl!

You're going to eat your words soon! I can't get a single thing done around the house. E is into EVERYTHING! and everything dangerous!