Hey, Ladies, help me sort this out?
I've just been sitting here, reading birth stories, and started quietly contemplating who, of my options, feels right to be here when I'm giving birth. No matter how I imagine it, if I think of my kids not being here, it feels like the house is empty.
So, there are some factors to consider. Because the boys have a different father who they stay with at night every other week, they may not even be here, or be scheduled to be here (although they're here during the day every week) if it's at night. They have all said they want to be here when the baby is born, but that doesn't mean they know what that means, or that someone might change his mind. Once, while in labor with the third, the second woke up and was being really clingy (mind you, he was barely 2 at the time) and my labor started to stop until he settled back down. They do sleep really hard, though. We can hang pictures without waking them, usually! The feeling of emptiness only comes at the idea of them not being here at all. Them being here and asleep does not give me the sense of emptiness.
They are 10, 7, and 5 year old boys. It's not something I've been thorough about preparing them to be present at, but I need to do that regardless.
So, what are everyone else's thoughts?
For a full picture... My SO, David, will be there. I have a friend who is a doula who is planning to be there, a friend -who is a photographer who has photographed a birth I was doula for and was great- who I've invited, and my mother is coming to town a few days before I'm due (I've thus far always gone more than 10 days past my EDD) who I've agreed can be there. I'm still working out, deciding about the midwife situation. That's a little complicated.
When I picture different arrangements to see how they "feel" (just gut reaction), I'm suddenly wanting very few people there, which is different from how I've felt the whole pregnancy. It may change again. And again. If you're still reading, thanks. And help?