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Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › stressssssssss


post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

hi mamas. i'm stressed out beyond belief, and just need to bitch a bit if that's ok. 

we bought a used minivan at the end of july, because our car is too small for two carseats and we needed a second car since dh and i will be living on opposite coasts for november and december. we bought the van "as is", but to be safe we bought an optional warranty for it. and then we took it to a mechanic to get it checked out, and it got a clean bill of health. our permanent address is in a different state than we currently live, because dh is in the military. so we had to drive the van 10 hours to register it in the state where our permanent address is. 8 hours into the trip the transmission suddenly cut out. we spent the night in a hotel and dh's parents drove 2 hours to come get us and we had the car towed to a mechanic. we called the warranty company, and they weasled out of paying by basically making so many hoops to jump through that it would be impossible to file the claim without costing us thousands of extra dollars. and the mechanic we towed it to, who was the only one near where we broke down, was somewhat clueless about transmissions. dh had only taken leave for a few days just for the trip down and back, so he had to fly back to base this morning, leaving me and dd at the in-law's to try to sort the van situation out. we couldn't get anything done with the car 2 hours away from me, so we payed $800 to have it towed to a transmission guy in the town i'm staying in. now we find out tomorrow if the transmission can be fixed for less than we payed for the van in the first place. we maxed out the credit card with the hotel and all the towing fees and the plane ticket to get dh back to base. and what we have left in savings is for our moving costs in 6 weeks. so if it is anything more than a couple hundred dollars to fix the van, we have to just junk it and try to cut our losses. which will mean making payments for the next 4 years on the loan for a van we drove a little less than a month.

the whole thing has been so ridiculously complicated and frustrating, and i feel totally helpless. i actually had a dream last night that i was raped and car jacked and then couldn't find my husband to tell him. i'm lucky that i get along really well with my in-laws, but that is about the only silver lining i've got. i had pregnancy high blood pressure with dd, which started about this point in the pregnancy, and i'm supposed to be avoiding stress and taking it really easy.... i've had an upset stomach, tension headache, and tight chest since last tuesday when this mess started, and starting to feel like something is up with my blood pressure again. i'm feeling jittery and hot and puffy like i did when the high blood pressure kicked in with dd. so now even if all is miraculously worked out with the van, my chances of a birth center birth are disappearing. 

can i just get some "awwww"s and "there there, it will be ok"s? 

post #2 of 14

Mamadiamond that sounds AWFUL, I am so sorry you have to deal with this ridiculous situation.  This would be hard to deal with at any time, but especially during pregnancy.  I don't know anything about transmissions, but I will send the strongest thoughts possible for a miracle cheap repair.  

Although it must be near impossible, please focus on your stress and health.  If there is any way you can find the time to de-stress in whatever way works for you, please take the time.

I'll be thinking of you and sending calming vibes your way...it will all be ok mama.  

post #3 of 14
That sucks in so many ways greensad.gif I'm really sorry you have to deal with this right now. Have you considered calling fleet and family services, militaryonesource, or the legal office on base? They might have some helpful ideas. Sending you and the van many good vibes ~ ~ ~
post #4 of 14
Mamadiamond I am so sorry that you are dealing with such a stressful situation! Have you looked into your rights under the lemon laws? You should try looking up your state's lemon law...and I totally agree with PPs who said to try and focus on being well! Hugs all around mama, you will be in my thoughts!
post #5 of 14

awwww sweetie - I am SO sorry you are dealing with this! These kinds of dramas happen in life, of course, but they are so much easier to deal with when we are not physically & emotionally & hormonally challenged in so many ways!  Take care of yourself best you can, and keep us posted on the updates. BIG HUGS

post #6 of 14

So sorry you are having to deal with this craziness. I know from experience that transmissions are usually not a cheap fix, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this works out for you guys one way or another. Hope you get a big dose of good news soon!

post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 

thanks for all the kind words. i will find out today if it is a repair or a replacement. either one is out of our budget at this point, but since dh is in the navy he is going to try to get an interest free emergency loan from the navy assistance fund. if that gets approved we will be ok, and if not we will eventually be ok but have a lot of reworking of plans to do and things will be tough for a while. i've moved past the frantic, stressed out stage, and am moving into the numb acceptance stage. it is what it is, and somehow we will figure out what to do and how to do it. i'm not sure if i'm being zen about it, or just in massive denial, but i'm feeling less stressed. at this point i just want a resolution one way or another so i can get home to my hubby. dd has been asking for home and dada and it makes me so sad because she's really too little to understand anything. i've kept most of my stress away from her and she's had a blast with her grandparents, but i think she's starting to catch on that something is weird, and she is starting to miss dh. i will let you know how it goes. 

post #8 of 14

my fingers are crossed for you that this all gets worked out, and the emergency loan comes through to make the needed repairs! And mostly, that you get HOME soon!!!!

post #9 of 14

Not sure what branch of service your husband serves in, but I know we have access to AER loans for emergency car repairs. Your DH could check into it and see if anything like that is available to you guys. Also tap into any resources your chaplain could point you too.

post #10 of 14

Do you have any free military legal advice or anything?  I'm still wondering about this extended warranty company and it may be that they are liable for these repairs and are just trying to get you not to file a claim or for reimbursement!  


All that I can say is that I know it's easy to get excited...in a way listening (reading) what you wrote makes me think about how I get upset about things too much sometimes.  Usually it takes a few days to process the information/unexpected thing that happens.  


I've been going through a really stressful situation since the end of last year, which I haven't brought up much because it is stressful to me.  Unfortunately it's ongoing.  The irony was, this situation indirectly is the reason why I got unexpectedly pregnant.  For the last 4 years or so, and before the other pregnacies I had done NFP.  My emotional/physical reactions to this severe stress was what caused my cycles to get irregular, yada, yada, yada and here I am today.  I now feel that this baby/pregnancy was really God's way of giving me perspective on things and forcing myself to take care of myself.


The best thing I can say is find a way to compartmentalize it.  This too shall pass.  Yes, it is going to be stressful, but in the long run it's not as important as other things in your life.  The baby and taking care of yourself (thus the baby) is the most important thing.  So, really do your best to take care of yourself and not to internalize the stress.  Do whatever you need to do, talk, have tea, take a bath.  Whatever is going to take the edge off.


I've had to compartmentalize things here, it's been about 1 1/2 months since any updates on my stressful situation, now I just learned something new today.  So even for me, I'm feeling a little heightened awareness.  Though the news isn't altogether bad here, it's different than what I expected.  


I too can have issues with BP if I'm excited with stress, though not high the creep up!  One resource I find helpful is the midwifery archives at gentlebirth.org.  A whole lot of womanly wisdom in those archives!  I've leaned on them during stressful times in my last two births!  


I hope something I've said has helped!  I know you'll get through this, just take care of yourself Momma!

post #11 of 14

Ughh - that is a stressful situation, and now is not the time for it!  Sending good thoughts and  hoping you heard (at least fairly) good car news today!

post #12 of 14
Thread Starter 

thanks mamas for all the kind support. we were able to get an emergency loan from the navy relief society, and are also going to see what tiny portion the warranty will cover (after all the red tape we are going to make sure they pay for everything they are supposed to, even if it's not a lot), and can finally get the  van fixed. i'm hoping by this coming weekend to get back home. i'm dealing with the stress better by just ignoring things that i can't control, and not thinking about the stuff i really need to be doing at home to get ready for our move. i'm blessed to have really kind in-laws who i love and get along with, and dd is in heaven getting extra time with her grandparents. 

post #13 of 14

So glad to see this positive update! I'm glad you were able to get the support you needed here, as well as the loan to fix the van. Homeward bound soon!!!!

post #14 of 14

It totally sucks when crappy things happen while you're pregnant!  Glad your husband was able to get the loan, but sorry you have had to deal with this issue!  Hang in there and take good care of yourself and your baby!

Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › stressssssssss