I had an ep and had every intentions of having a perfectly normal and natural birth. My son was 9 pounds when he was born and when the doc looked at me after several minutes of intense pushing and said he was going to do an ep I completely lost it! That was the one thing I did not want, my husband assured me that everything would be fine. The doc went ahead with the ep and my son arrived almost instantly. A few hours later the doc came back into to talk to me about why he performed the ep. After he explained why my son was not arriving and the intense pressure I was feeling and how and where I was going to tear I realized that I felt everything he was talking about. The ep was needed and I am glad it was done compared to the alternative. What I learned through my first birth is to trust your nurses, Dr, and yourself. They know what they are doing and generally have a love and passion for what they do. And they have your best interest at heart. :)
What I learned through my first birth is to trust your nurses, Dr, and yourself. They know what they are doing and generally have a love and passion for what they do. And they have your best interest at heart. :)
I think the key is FINDING a Dr or midwife you can trust. But you're right, it is really important to be able to trust that your caregivers will do what's best for you and your baby. Unfortunately some caregivers think that what is best for you is getting you through labor quickly, efficiently, and with minimal pain, even if it means lots of interventions. They don't look at the long-term risks of interventions. This is why it is so important to have good communication with your OB or midwife and get to know them well. Write a birth plan and discuss it thoroughly with them. More often than not the birth plan will go out the window during the birth, because you just can't plan for every contingency, but the important thing is the discussion of your plan with your doctor before hand. Making sure you're on the same page. And when you get to a point where you're confident they understand what you want and do have your best interests in mind, then trust them to do what's best during the birth.
I think the key is FINDING a Dr or midwife you can trust. But you're right, it is really important to be able to trust that your caregivers will do what's best for you and your baby. Unfortunately some caregivers think that what is best for you is getting you through labor quickly, efficiently, and with minimal pain, even if it means lots of interventions. They don't look at the long-term risks of interventions. This is why it is so important to have good communication with your OB or midwife and get to know them well. Write a birth plan and discuss it thoroughly with them. More often than not the birth plan will go out the window during the birth, because you just can't plan for every contingency, but the important thing is the discussion of your plan with your doctor before hand. Making sure you're on the same page. And when you get to a point where you're confident they understand what you want and do have your best interests in mind, then trust them to do what's best during the birth.
Yes, to this.
However, during my hospital birth (with an OB who seemed to be on the same page as me during all my prenatal visits and has a great reputation) I had no idea how NON-vocal I would be. I knew what I wanted. Knew what I didn't want. Had it all written out. Imagined myself demanding my wishes be met with any nurse who wanted to go against them. Not so.
My water broke early in the morning (only a trickle, no gush) and labor hadn't started by noon. Should have stayed home but OB suggested we come in so she could confirm I was leaking amniotic fluid. At some point DH went down to the parking lot to transfer our dog from the car to our friends who would care for him and when he got back my OB had me on pitocin. I don't even remember what she said to get me to do it. Something about infection and more antibiotics (which they had already administered due to open water bag) I think.
He comes back into the room and looks at me with the IV and asks "what is this?" and I told him, obviously upset about it. He told me "you don't want this. you don't want this." I'm in tears and said "I don't want this". We got them to turn it off after only a couple minutes and my labor started on its own about an hour later and resulted in a natural birth (in which I wasn't allowed to squat during pushing).
So, yes, find a great doctor who you can trust who agrees with your birth plan, but I strongly feel that a partner who will strongly advocate for you and who knows exactly what you want and WHY you want it (why each thing is important and safest), who will not cave in just because the doctor suggests something, is just a huge positive support during labor.
I know my labor would have gone a lot differently if DH hadn't stepped in and encouraged me to say what I really wanted to say. So I had a plan with my doctor, which would not have been honored, and I had a plan with my DH. Thankfully, he had the presence of mind to stick to it because he knew how important it all was to me and how the things I wanted would give me the best chance at a safe, natural birth in a hospital.
Even a doula can not speak FOR you, but can encourage you to stay on the path you had planned.
I would never have guessed that I would not have been vocal without his support.
However, during my hospital birth (with an OB who seemed to be on the same page as me during all my prenatal visits and has a great reputation) I had no idea how NON-vocal I would be. I knew what I wanted. Knew what I didn't want. Had it all written out. Imagined myself demanding my wishes be met with any nurse who wanted to go against them. Not so.
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So, yes, find a great doctor who you can trust who agrees with your birth plan, but I strongly feel that a partner who will strongly advocate for you and who knows exactly what you want and WHY you want it (why each thing is important and safest), who will not cave in just because the doctor suggests something, is just a huge positive support during labor.
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I agree. I consider myself a very assertive person, too, but during labor I was just in another world. In addition to my husband I had a doula who was also a part-time labor and delivery nurse at my hospital, and she was in a very good position to stand up for me with the nurses. I had requested to not have a heparin lock (where they put a catheter in your arm just in case you'll need an IV later). Heparin locks are standard procedure, and the nurses freaked out a little about it, but my doula told them it was in my birth plan, that my doctor had already signed off on it, and what they needed to do with their paperwork. My husband would have argued the point with them, and probably eventually won, but it was so much more effective and efficient to have a doula there who knew the ropes and was able to speak their language. Husbands/partners are wonderful, but they need support as well, and it really pays to have someone on your side who has experience with both birth and hospital procedure. If you have a midwife they will be with you most of the time you're in labor, but your OB will not. So even if you have the best OB in the world, you may need someone to stand up for you with the nurses.
I'm going to 3rd the above comments. I am a very strong-willed, verbal, assertive person, but in labor i just want to turn inside out and cannot communicate verbally. with my first 2 births, I fought. i fought panic, i fought interventions (and lost the first time) and fought oversight and induction, and my poor husband didn't know to fight as I've always been such a fighter. but what i learned about myself was that I cannot labor while fighting. my labor stalls out. so my 3rd and 4th births were so much better b/c i found someone to support me and the entire process. i don't think i said a thing about labor when in labor with those two, i didn't have to fight, and the labors were so much less painful, and quicker than the first two. you don't get that option in the hospital, so having an aware and supportive ally to make really stand for you while you're busy HAVING THE BABY is really important.
I was also unable to assert myself during labor. Luckily for me this didn't result in an epidural but it did result in me pushing on my back because that's what the doc wanted.
Didn't mean epidural, meant episiotomy, but didn't get the epidural either haha.
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