Afraid of EVERYTHING. Do i push her or pull her closer?

[KellyandBean]

My 2.5 year old is afraid of so many things and is so timid. I feel like in just the last month it has gotten worse although she has always been way more sensitive and clingy then other kids we know her age. She is really shy and scared of other kids and some adults, she doesn't like loud sounds and sometimes sounds of traffic from the street that i don't even notice scare her, even inside our own house!. She is terrified of lawn mowers and automatic flushing toilets. Our apartment complex mail boxes are a nice pleasant little walk away and we always enjoyed this together but suddenly she wants me to hold her and freaks out crying and demanding for me to hold her. She says "they are gonna get me." I try to show her all around us that no one else is there but she still starts crying for me to hold her. Lately i have been doing "ok you walk to the green sign and then i will hold you" so it ends up being some walking and some holding but mostly it is just a really unpleasant walk :/ Is this a time when i should be allowing her to be closer to me (taking a step backwards for a bit) with the ergo etc or should i be pushing her and telling her she has nothing to be afraid of and making her walk? I don't want to unintentionally make it worse you know?

[Viola]

I vote for pull her closer for the time being, at least until she's hit a stage in development where you can feel confident that it is beyond the norm and that professional help is needed.  My first child was very clingy and wanted me to do everything with her, and afraid of a lot, also afraid of automatic flushing toilets--she wouldn't use them.  I couldn't really leave her alone with anyone, sometimes even with her father it was hard.  But now she is 13 and fairly independent, not at all clingy.  She isn't as self-sufficient as some, I would say, but she actually managed to make pancakes the other morning using my cookbook and griddle.  

Is there something different that could have triggered this past month of greater timidity?  Generally I found my kids have gone through a lot of changes around the time of their half birthdays, so that's when I usually noticed new patterns, but it could be something else playing into it.

[KellyandBean]

Originally Posted by Viola 

Is there something different that could have triggered this past month of greater timidity?  Generally I found my kids have gone through a lot of changes around the time of their half birthdays, so that's when I usually noticed new patterns, but it could be something else playing into it.

Nothing really except that we stopped going to scheduled things like music class and such because they are off for the summer. That could be it i suppose but i suspect it is just something she was going to go through anyway. Hopefully i don't have a lot of trouble once those classes start up again!

glad to hear your 13 year old is a normal kiddo now!

[Asiago]

Developmentally, the toddler fear phase is until about three years, give or take. My son had stranger anxiety, not just adults and children but anyone, even family he did not see on a regular basis. I went with it, offering him whatever he needed to feel secure.  Once that phase was over he very different, more confident overall. The change was beautiful as I knew how much more comfortable he felt. So I also vote, to go with it. Your are the rock and the stability, forcing independance before a child leads the way to it is counter productive in my opinion. One may win the battle but has lost the war.

Among the loud noise fear, I wasn't able to turn the vacuum on for months! We existed on sweeping and a small hand vac. Now he wants to vaccum the rug every day. Go figure. My point though is that he one day was up and over it (that particular fear).

Now we just have to deal with loud public restroom........oh well all in good time.

FWIW, I still often carry my son, in the sling or in arms. he is 33 months. I read somewhere that up until about age three, children often desire to be carried. Makes sense when one looks at traditional societies and tribes that birth their children 3-5 years apart, as children have such intense needs and are often carried those early years, especially the nomadic tribes. Ok, I digress.........

Edited by Asiago - 8/21/12 at 11:44am