5 year old with behavior problems at my wits ends.

[Hippie Mom 32]

Hi,

I am new to  the board.  I have a question. I have a 5 year old daughter. The last couple of month, has been hell, she has s tarted arguring back with him, hitting me. She also hits other children and takes stuff that does not belong to her; and just annoys people also lies, she seems to make up stories, I have told her this is wrong, she says ok but will keep doing it anyway. . If you tell her something she does the total opposite. Other than that she is a sweet little girl the rest of the time but when i have to tell her something its just starts a fight. I have tried spanking her, times outs, nothing, she throws a tantrum  At her school is she is good student gets good grades some of the best test scores. but her teacher has also told me they cant handle her and dont know what to do. They told me once not to send her back until i get her seen by a doctor. so i dont know what to do any help would be appricated.

[Anca]

Welcome, I am new as well and I, too, have a 5 yr old daughter.

Can you think when exactly started and if some events or changes in her life may have triggered such behaviour. Children don't behave like this on purpose, they mainly want to drive attention to something that we might be missing or to point their need of more affection. Try and think and even ask her what upsets her lately, what are the things you could do for her to make her feel better.

If you could try not focus on the bad effects but on the causes, you will be able to find what makes her act this way and help her. 

I don't agree with spanking (how can you teach her violence is wrong, hitting you or others is wrong while you spank?) because I don't believe it solves problems for the long run and it doesn't build confidence, trust and love between parents and kids. 

[Hippie Mom 32]

thanks I will try just that. I dont like to spank I hate it, I was spanked as a child and it was aweful. So i am trying new ways to try and disciplne her.

[pbjmama]

How about an appointment with a child psychologist?
 

[anangelcalledalice]

i can relate to this. my son is having tantrums for the first time in his little life age 5 3/4, also his friend ( a girl, exactly the same age) is brilliant at meltdowns. mine is violent, she is not! Understanding your child is the first step. keeping the boundaries really clear and trying not to escalate things when they lose it (i often jump in and get cross too!)

Getting her needs met is really important - need for calm, for getting absorbed in something, for the right stimulation. I find one to one time is gold dust in the behaviour stakes. its like "money in the bank". taking time to listen to your child when there isn't a crisis. its affecting the system, the impact will be gradual.

Also consider diet. Allergies, sensitivities, even candida overgrowth can affect behaviour (consider grapefruit seed extract for the latter I have seen it work wonders on a tantrum inclined 4 yr old).

food for thought, hope it helps.

Oh, and keep trusting that your child will see it through, you are not failing you are on a journey, stop worrying what other people are thinking, and tune in to your mama wisdom about what's really important! ;-)))