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Anyone else in "pregnancy limbo?"

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 

Just wondering if I'm the only one who feels this way.

 

I'm coming up on 13 weeks, and all signs point to woo-hoo (I had a recent loss @ 6-10 weeks, but this one looks sticky and has always showed many more positive signs of yay).  I just feel like I'm in no-woman's land right now.

 

-My early PG symptoms are pretty much gone.  They didn't suddenly stop, but started tapering off @ 11 weeks, so this worries me not in the least.  It's awesome OOH, but OTOH there's no longer a constant reminder of my condition.

 

-I'm not really showing yet.  If at all, mainly only to me, and only when naked.

 

-I haven't felt the baby move yet, and don't expect to for at least 2-4 weeks, since it's (basically) my first.

 

It's a great place to be in, time-wise, especially after my loss, but it also feels like kind of a lull.  Guess it's just time to rest and be thankful?

 

Anyone else?

post #2 of 28

oh yeah!

I'm not there yet (as I'm nibbling on dry toast, trying to keep it down!), but I completely get you!

This is when you realise that pregnancy is looooong!!

 

Enjoy this time, however, the 2nd trimester really is the sweetheart trimester; your energy levels are back, and you're not too big and uncomfortable yet.  This is the time to get back to an exercice program and just enjoy being pregnant!
 

post #3 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by buko View Post

 

-My early PG symptoms are pretty much gone.  They didn't suddenly stop, but started tapering off @ 11 weeks, so this worries me not in the least.  It's awesome OOH, but OTOH there's no longer a constant reminder of my condition.

 

-I'm not really showing yet.  If at all, mainly only to me, and only when naked.

 

-I haven't felt the baby move yet, and don't expect to for at least 2-4 weeks, since it's (basically) my first.

 

 

Buko. I know when you've had a loss it tends to sort of hang over you until you feel very reassured that this one is sticky. I have heard of women being fearful of loosing the baby even after 25 weeks. It can be scary, but stress is worse by far. Try to get yourself into positive place with this pregnancy and work on positive, sticky baby thoughts.

 

You said one thing in your post that you need to understand makes a huge difference. This is your first. You're not going to show very quickly, consider it a blessing, I am on my 4th baby and I exploded out of my normal clothes about 15 minutes after I took the home preggo test. Trust me, not much fun. I would love to start showing around 16-18 weeks, that would be so sweet!

 

You're not going to feel the baby yet. Unfortunately with our firsts we have no clue whatsoever what a child inside us is going to feel like. It is an entirely new sensation, and until you are stopped in your tracks and smile because you know that was the lil' bean, its going to feel like gas, promise. You most likely won't feel anything until after 15 weeks, but more like 18 weeks.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're growing a person. Focus on a beautiful healthy baby coming in 30 weeks. And if you're so inclined, have a laugh, these two websites are drop dead hilarious! I read them all the time, and when you need a laugh, they're perfect!

 

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/home/

 

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/ 

post #4 of 28

Buko - yep. This is a hard phase to really grasp and hold on to since your body isn't giving you the "signs" of pregnancy. When I was pregnant with DS I freaked out a bit and rented a doppler, just so I could reassure myself that everything was OK. I'm not going to do that this time around, and instead am just going to trust my body to grow a healthy baby. I know this is easier coming from someone who hasn't been through a loss, so I can't imagine how difficult it would be to build that trust up. I start looking at other "signs" that things are going well - my energy levels increasing (and appetite), sleeping better, my ever-growing belly (even if it's really only apparent to me right now). Soon enough you'll cross over to having those palpable signs again of the baby moving and you getting more uncomfortable.

 

There's a new book out there that is just wonderful and give some great tips about connecting with your baby during pregnancy - "The Greatest Pregnancy Ever". I highly recommend it as it might give you some solace during this waiting period. Also, there's a group in the Pregnancy forum call "A Peaceful Pregnancy". You might check it out.

 

I hope the rest of the week flies by for you. Just remember that you're not alone is what you're feeling!

post #5 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by babytoes View Post

 

Buko. I know when you've had a loss it tends to sort of hang over you until you feel very reassured that this one is sticky. I have heard of women being fearful of loosing the baby even after 25 weeks. It can be scary, but stress is worse by far. Try to get yourself into positive place with this pregnancy and work on positive, sticky baby thoughts.

 

You said one thing in your post that you need to understand makes a huge difference. This is your first. You're not going to show very quickly, consider it a blessing, I am on my 4th baby and I exploded out of my normal clothes about 15 minutes after I took the home preggo test. Trust me, not much fun. I would love to start showing around 16-18 weeks, that would be so sweet!

 

You're not going to feel the baby yet. Unfortunately with our firsts we have no clue whatsoever what a child inside us is going to feel like. It is an entirely new sensation, and until you are stopped in your tracks and smile because you know that was the lil' bean, its going to feel like gas, promise. You most likely won't feel anything until after 15 weeks, but more like 18 weeks.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're growing a person. Focus on a beautiful healthy baby coming in 30 weeks. And if you're so inclined, have a laugh, these two websites are drop dead hilarious! I read them all the time, and when you need a laugh, they're perfect!

 

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/home/

 

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/ 


yes!

Pregnancy after a loss is so. incredibly. difficult.  I`m really, really mourning the loss of innocence I used to have  and sense of enjoyment I had when I was pregnant with DD.  I feel that it isn`t fair to myself, my baby, an DH that I just can`t seem to enjoy being pregnant right now and embrace it the way I did with DD.

I`m really trying to surround myself with positive stories, and working hard on remembering how all normal and natural and wonderful pregnancy is.

Thanks for the links, I`m checking them out right this moment and am going to add them to my "arsenal"!

post #6 of 28

Buko - thank you to starting this discussion thread.  Because I am going through many of the same emotions as you!

 

I had my first loss at 11 weeks back in March.  Now  that I'm into my 12th week, I've started to tell one or two good friends, but that's about it.  This is my second, so I think I should be showing more, but I'm not really popping as much as I thought.  Then again, I 'hid' DD's pregnancy up until 20 weeks, so it could just be the way my body carries babies.   

 

Like you, all signs look better this time around, but I'm a bit paranoid because I haven't been back to the doctor's office in a few weeks.  I've thought about renting a doppler too, just to put my mind at ease.  Thankfully I have a very active toddler who doesn't allow me much time to sit and worry (except when she naps, like right now).  

 

Sending positive pg vibes your way!  

post #7 of 28

Yup, I know how you feel.

 

I have had a miscarriage, before DD, but it was at 5 -6 weeks and it was obvious from the get-go that the pregnancy wasn't going to take.  This one so far feels just like my pregnancy with DD (well, add 7 years of wear and tear on my body and no more cushy desk job, and it's just the same, LOL) but I remember that I bled a lot around 11 weeks with DD - for no discernable reason - and I'm dreading that again, because my thought is that because I'm so much older it might happen again and be much more serious - and lots of people know I'm pregnant now (I'm too big to really hide it) so if things DO go badly, it's going to be hard.  I just feel like I need to get through the next two weeks before I'll be comfortable.  And I can't wait for my MW appt next week when I should be able to hear the heartbeat.

post #8 of 28
Yep. Even after VERY reassuring ultrasounds, I still start most of my discussions with "If these babies make it....." "If this really happens..." If, if, if.... There's books I want to buy and I'm holding off. Stuff I want to get and I'm holding off. We haven't even told anyone yet and we're 12 weeks. (Although we plan to next week.)

PAL is tough. I don't know if there's a point we'll ever feel better. My DH says he'll believe it when he's changing a poopy diaper. LOL I think I'll feel better after about the age of viability, 24 weeks ish.

My only advice is be gentle to yourself and give yourself time to believe.
post #9 of 28

I know this feeling too.  Even at the midwife's yesterday, I saw one of the midwives who attended DS's birth and he (yup male midwife!) said something about good to see you here, and I replied 'yup, at least for now.' But I really need to stop doing things like that.  Although it's nice to hear I'm not alone.  I had a loss at 8 weeks last April, and it's amazing how different my attitude is this time from the other two.  I miss the blind optimism.  Starting to feel more positive now though.

post #10 of 28

Yes, I am in limbo!   I am 10 weeks now with my 3rd baby (5th pregnancy).  I had two miscarriages last year.  One of my losses was at 12 weeks and I had no idea anything was wrong until then.  I've already seen this little baby with a healthy heartbeat on ultrasound, but that was 3 weeks ago and I keep thinking that anything can happen and I would be clueless about it.  It is really hard to keep the anxiety at bay and to just enjoy what will probably be my last pregnancy.  I think once I start feeling movement, I will feel better.  

post #11 of 28

I know what you mean, I am 11 weeks with my 6th pregnancy (3 on earth so far). My symptoms are weaning and even though I have had 3 full term pregnancies I am not really big yet, I can still hide it from people who do not know. We have told family because they could tell, but I really hate telling people with the catch 'we are having a baby, but please don't tell' or 'we are pregnant, for now'. My losses have been at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, so I am past that mark, but I honestly do not feel immune to having a later loss. With my last two full term pregnancies I have not really even prepared anything at all until I was forced for our home visits for the birth! But it is never negatively impacted my relationship with my babies and once I feel them move I do build a connection, but for my sanity I just don't really dwell on the pregnancy much before 20 weeks or so, it has always been about that long before I felt any of them. I do sort of miss the innocence of my first pregnancy and checking the babies development each week and telling everyone right away with lots of excitement, but I also appreciate my place in life now and that I am not naive or incapable of understanding the pain others feel when coping with pregnancy loss. I have been able to help lots of friends and really appreciate the miracle that each of my babies are, what an amazing process that occurs to get them earth side! It boggles my mind!

post #12 of 28
Thread Starter 

I'm so sorry I posted and ran!  I have been traveling for a couple of days, but thinking about this and appreciating your replies!  My very short response-- as I've had time to consider it a bit and talk w/DH-- is that I don't think this is as much (directly) to do with worrying and the loss as the realization, per PP, that WOW PREGNANCY IS LONG!  Especially since I've been pregnant since February and will be pregnant through next February (with just ~6 weeks "off" between pregnancies)!  Moreso... I think it is really about the fact that I was counting every day, every week, until I got to 11-12 weeks, and then I felt/now I feel fairly "safe" (13 weeks now, as it's just after midnight).  So it's like...  Okay, now what?  Oh, yeah, now ~28 more weeks of pregnancy!   

 

It's just uncharted territory... and I guess kinda funky for some of us, since our experiences have been so disjointed.  I've never had a pregnancy that progressed normally.  I just remember getting "cut off" before this point, and wanting so badly to reach it...  And now-- woo hoo!  But at the same time, it's like...  oh, yeah, there's stuff that comes after this, that I sorta normally would have flowed into...  but hitting 12 weeks became a big nodal point (even moreso than for the average woman, I think) instead of a smooth progression from week to week, YK?  Sorry I am not being more articulate-- just trying to noodle through things and exhausted from traveling.

 

It's not that I don't have some worry, and some "loss of innocence" d/t the miscarriage.  I have actively worked on having faith and being grateful for each day.  In fact, it was extremely useful for me to wean myself off of looking at my TP every time I wiped (and thanks to hormones, I went to the bathroom literally 15x/day, so there was a lot of checking!)  My m/c was preceded by spotting, which, while truly scanty, occurred nearly every day for weeks before I really started bleeding/losing the pregnancy.  The spotting was what made me think something was up, even though it truly, theoretically could have been "nothing."  Sadly, that spotting wasn't nothing.  So with this one, I had my heart in my throat every time I went to the bathroom.  And I realized that, even though the "news" was ALWAYS good, I was just perpetuating a cycle and need for that sort of... "positive reinforcement."  You know-- 1 o'clock and all's well.  1:30 and all's well.  2 o'clock and all's well.  But it never ends.

 

Even though every wipe was "good," my reassurance was only as good as my last wipe. 

 

I decided since I had no control over this process, I was going to try to trust rather than constantly second-guess what amounted to, in my mind, G-d.  I even declined the doppler at my first MW's appointment (!) and plan to wait to hear baby until he/she can be heard by fetoscope.  And I will only be getting one routine u/s (20 weeks)-- if any.  (Haven't decided yet-- but that's for "valuable info vs. false positives" reasons, not to "prove my faith" or anything.  That wouldn't be healthy for me, either.)

 

So amazing.  I am a person who gobbles up info, likes to rip the Band-Aid off ASAP, has obsessive-compulsive tendencies-- you name it.  I am the last person you-- or I!-- would think would respond to a miscarriage in this way.  But letting go has brought me some peace.  I know a heartbeat today does not mean a heartbeat tomorrow, so I'd rather have faith that the heartbeat I know-- in my heart!-- is there.

 

Not that it's always easy...  smile.gif

post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by buko View Post

 

It's not that I don't have some worry, and some "loss of innocence" d/t the miscarriage.  I have actively worked on having faith and being grateful for each day.  In fact, it was extremely useful for me to wean myself off of looking at my TP every time I wiped (and thanks to hormones, I went to the bathroom literally 15x/day, so there was a lot of checking!)  My m/c was preceded by spotting, which, while truly scanty, occurred nearly every day for weeks before I really started bleeding/losing the pregnancy.  The spotting was what made me think something was up, even though it truly, theoretically could have been "nothing."  Sadly, that spotting wasn't nothing.  So with this one, I had my heart in my throat every time I went to the bathroom.  And I realized that, even though the "news" was ALWAYS good, I was just perpetuating a cycle and need for that sort of... "positive reinforcement."  You know-- 1 o'clock and all's well.  1:30 and all's well.  2 o'clock and all's well.  But it never ends.

 

Even though every wipe was "good," my reassurance was only as good as my last wipe. 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah, this I can relate to!!! 

post #14 of 28
Yes, pregnancy limbo describes my state perfectly too!

My first pregnancy was pretty much symptom-free and I was blissfully unaware of the many pitfalls between conception and birth. Because of difficulties conceiving again, and an early loss at 5-6 weeks, I am now painfully conscious of the slow passing of every day this time around despite some stronger symptoms such as m/s, which I totally avoided last time with DS. The nausea faded gradually over the last few weeks, as did my night sweats, but that's more a relief than a worry....We have only told a handful of family members and friends so far as I just can't allow myself to believe, a kind of self-defence mechanism I suppose. My DH says I spend too much time reading on forums.......but you guys are my refuge and solace until I know for sure. Thanks, really.

Thankfully my long-awaited initial appt with my midwife team is on Tuesday, when I will be almost 13 weeks and I am eager to hear the heartbeat so I can fully welcome the tiny life I hope is growing inside me. The odds are v much in our favour at this stage.
I'm looking forward to enjoying the second and third trimesters with y'all redface.gif
post #15 of 28

Pregnancy limbo here too! This is my 1st pregnancy and I'm trying to suspend expectations and take it as it comes. I've cried with a few close friends who lost their 1st pregnancies. So I haven't started this pregnancy with full blast optimism. Keep us updated Buko!

 

I heard a podcast by "The Greatest pregnancy ever" author and I try to set aside time to be mindful of being pregnant and enjoy this time. Despite the fact it does not feel real. Although I do have bigger boobs, constipation, and feeling sick to my stomach, haven't had a period for 12 weeks, and the pregnancy test was positive. So I guess that means I'm pregnant right? I don't like that I haven't been able to hear a heartbeat yet. 

 

I saw my mw at 10 weeks and it was too early for a heartbeat. My DH is in med school and tried to find a hb with his stethoscope last week.  He said my gut was working great :) but couldn't hear anything yet.  We are going to try again today to see today.

 

Here's to pregnancy limbo!

post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
Hi, Scarlet! Try again today with a Doppler or stethoscope? It's my understanding that it would be unusual to hear a HB with a stethoscope or fetoscope until at least 16-20 weeks... Just in case-- just don't want you to worry or obsess!
post #17 of 28

thanks Buko! Yeah you are totally right! After I posted I realized we never actually researched that! DH looked it up and we had ourselves a facepalm moment. 

post #18 of 28

Definitely in limbo here too.  Honestly, for me it would be helpful if I could talk about it but we still can't tell anyone.  It would be different if we were choosing to wait to tell but we're HAVING to wait to tell because of DP's psychotic ex-wife.  She'd do crazy things like keep us from his children just because she could in the midst of her temper tantrum.  Those divorce papers can't come fast enough after him going through years trying to get this done.  My losses were also at 8 weeks so I was SO EXCITED to hit 9 weeks and then had that, "Oh yeah, only 32 more weeks to go!" moment.  I find out really early (4 weeks with DD and the same with this one) so it's like I'm pregnant FOREVER.  This is most likely my last baby and I feel like she's stealing all the joy out of it because I'm nearly 1/3 of the way through it and I've not gotten to enjoy it for fear she'll catch wind and hurt the kids and us.  Sorry, rambling a bit.  I'll feel more reassured once I have the 18-20 week U/S and start feeling baby kick.  I think I was about 15 weeks with my DD and I've already had suspect feelings of baby unicorn wiggling but I'm hoping for that decisive 'kick' in the next few weeks.  I can't wait for DP to be able to feel our baby!  We'll get through it ladies but man this phase is hard!

post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 

hug2.gif GranolaMom!  Yes, it's hard!

post #20 of 28
Just got back from our NT scan. I was very relieved to see the baby, happier to see it moving around (even turning around to face me on the screen innocent.gif). And still, I look on the calendar and see it is 7 long weeks until the 20 week scan, the time when I felt comfortable enough to announce to work with DD. Getting there, but still cautious.
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