Anyone else in "pregnancy limbo?" - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[spughy]

I have an appointment tomorrow with my midwife.  I'm past 11 weeks so we should be able to hear a heartbeat.  Once I hear it, I think I'll be ok.  No US here until 20 weeks unless bad things happen, so a heartbeat will have to do...
 

[cabbitdancer]

I've seen my baby twice, heard its heartbeat at least three times, and I still feel "in limbo," though that's starting to change now that I can actually feel the little bumps and flutters of movement. The past 17 weeks have been so incredibly surreal, whereas, with my daughter, I KNEW I was pregnant, and I KNEW it was for real. I can't wait until the movements can be felt on the outside, and then I can share the experience with my family--my daughter, especially, who is so very excited. :)

[scruffy too]

Cabbitdancer - glad to know I'm not alone.  I feel very much in limbo.  This is my first and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel, but people sure aren't shy about telling me. 

Senario: someone walks up to me, says "congratulations."  I smile and say "thank you."  They look at me weird and say "You're supposed to be more excited" or "I thought you'd be more happy."  I'm like, "I am happy." And they just look at me like they don't believe me.

I AM happy.  I'm also a stong introvert who very rarely shows much emotion on the outside, especially about personal things.  And I seem to think that my pregnancy is personal.

I guess maybe because I'm not showing with a strong "bump" yet and don't have a lot of energy and apparently I'm not "happy" enough for most people that I just feel in limbo.  I don't know what to expect next.  I know my life will change.  I'm not exactly sure how.  I'm a planner but don't know where to begin to plan for this.

Example about being overwhelmed with pregnancy / new baby stuff: CD.  I know I want to.  My mom (who CD me and my brother) was showing me how (I used to know how to CD my stuffed animals, but I've forgotten.)  So I left her house feeling quite confident and then started searching around for CD on the internet (including MDC).  WOW.  That's changed in 30+ years.  There's about a million options. 

I really don't mean this post to be a pity party, I'm happy about being pregnant, just really confused.  I'm type A and used to being one of the smart ones in a room.  I now feel lost and stupid. 

[writermama12]

Scruffy, I am writing about feelings like the ones you're having in my thesis, which is on inherited fear, guilt and shame in mothering & using writing as a tool for empowerment and social change. I run a writing workshop for mothers. Not that you inherited your feelings from your mother, but I think that most women in America today have to struggle with the cultural ideal of the "good mother" and all of the stereotypical expectations of what a mother should and shouldn't look like, talk like, do, say...etc. You are already a new mother evident in the choices you make everyday for your child and are entitled to feel however you feel. It is stupid in my opinion for anyone to assume anyone else should feel a certain way, without considering the complex emotions involved in experiencing change. For me pregnancy is not a time when I am at my best. I am not generally "happy" because life is harder for me, I am more tired, dont' feel great... That is just how I feel about pregnancy. Other women I've talked to feel better than when they are not pregnant. Some feel ecstatic and don't show it, and others fake that they are in heaven but feel depressed. All different, every one of us.

What I have found useful as I strive to accept the person I am and recognize that all mothers are fundamentally different (which is good) is to take all advice, comments, stories, suggestions from anyone else about pregnancy and early motherhood with a grain of salt. Really. Especially from my mother. I know what is best for me and the baby, period. If I don't, I'll figure it out on my own and make mistakes and move on. That way I don't get weighed down by so many conflicting expectations. Mothers in particular are a targeted population where people think they have a right to comment on how we live. They don't. 

[akind1]

this is my 3rd baby, I do feel movement now (I'm 19 weeks) but it's not nearly as constant and idk . . present? as it will be in the later months. Still easily dismissed, if you didn't know what you are feeling.  I've heard the heartbeat, seen the baby on ultrasound, and yet . . . some of the reality hasn't sunk in yet. It's been, yet again, a very, very, easy pregnancy, few real symptoms. So I feel a bit in limbo.

A large part has to do with that only some of our friends know. Neither of our families do yet. This is the 3rd baby in  4 years (2009, 2011, and then early 2013) and some of our family will be less than pleased, so we have held off telling - Saturday, at our youngest's first birthday party, is the "big" day. And yeah, I'm totally showing, even though as a plus size person, it can be mistaken for fat at this point. I hate keeping the pregnancy under wraps, as if I'm ashamed of it.

So - that's where my limbo feelings come from. I am sure they will ease up as the baby gets bigger and more obvious. I LOVE LOVE LOVE feeling the baby move. It's my favorite part of pregnancy, even when it becomes uncomfortable.

[nearlyelated]

Originally Posted by scruffy too 

Senario: someone walks up to me, says "congratulations."  I smile and say "thank you."  They look at me weird and say "You're supposed to be more excited" or "I thought you'd be more happy."  I'm like, "I am happy." And they just look at me like they don't believe me.

I AM happy.  I'm also a strong introvert who very rarely shows much emotion on the outside, especially about personal things.  And I seem to think that my pregnancy is personal.

I know that feeling!  Sometimes I feel as though my best friend is more excited about the pregnancy than I am.  And I'm excited, I just don't think that a play-by-play of every appointment or movement is necessary.  I'm also not eager for the baby to be here yet, I'm looking forward to the next five months for planning and resting and enjoying my family of three for a little longer.  

Pregnancy is personal, some people don't seem to get that.  

You're not alone!

[cabbitdancer]

scruffy, I, too, suffer from everyone around me appearing more excited than I am about my own pregnancy. Even my husband has started to worry about me, a bit, because I'm just not into it. I am very happy to be expanding our family, and look forward to the days when I can feel movement, because it's my FAVORITE PART of pregnancy, but, this time, I feel very much subdued, and I think that it is less a matter of something being wrong and more a matter of every pregnancy for every woman being different.

[scruffy too]

Thank you all for your responses.  I'm so glad I found MDC for this very type of support.  Words really can't express how much I appreciate it right now.