As my title says, I am new to online talking in this type of forum. I am a wife to a wonderful man and a mother of a very special 13 month old girl and am currently pregnant with my second child, who is due in January. We don't yet know what this new little one will be but we are excited and very nervous about its arrival.
Well, I joined this group because I am looking for some womanly/motherly advice that does not stem from my own mother or mother-in-law. I was diagnosed with PPD (postpartum depression) last year, five months after my daughter was born. My MD told me I was completely normal and he put me on a low dose of anti-depressants to help even things out, which they did. This has been a rocky year for my husband and I as we moved to a rural area, and lived with my parents. We just recently found a place of our own and are starting to feel at home. I found out I was pregnant on Memorial Day, which was a shock because I had been on birth control. I will say that I have missed days in the past but that had never affected my cycle, until now. Needless to say, we were surprised to find out that we were going to have another child so quickly after our first.
We were living with my parents, my husband had just recently found a job, I was in the process of beginning a new job, and all the while trying to raise our daughter with every ounce of love and devotion we were able to muster. She really is a blessing, and I am tearing up at the moment just thinking about her. Anyway, after we found out I was pregnant, I immediately stopped taking my antidepressants and called my OB. He would have liked me to cycled off of the meds, but as long as I was not thinking of hurting our child or myself I was going to be fine.
I do not want that last statement to raise alarm...It's hard enough to admit I have PPD but I don't want others thinking that I'm Joan Crawford. I am scared about this next child as we are starting our lives over again it seems like because having one baby changes everything. It changes everything for the better, but sometimes I get so frustrated or sad or angry at the smallest things and I want so much to be able to control those emotions. I have always been in control and now I seem lost. My husband is doing his very best to understand why I get so emotional but I hate burdening him with my daily mood swings. So I guess I have decided to burden perfect strangers with them instead :)
When my daughter cries, for what I think is no reason, I get so mad and I tell her to be quiet or to stop crying because it doesn't help anything. If she's been fed, changed, bathed, and napped I don't have much patience for why she will cry. I don't want to be a mother that picks their child up every time he/she fusses. I do apologize to those who may do that... My daughter will not stay sane when I place her in the living room that has baby gates attached to the edges so she cannot get into our kitchen. If she is confined in any way she will throw a tantrum and that is when I have to go walk into my laundry room and silent scream and pull my hair. When she is awake she drives me nuts, but when she is at the baby sitter's (which is my mother) or is asleep I want so much to be around her. I am so afraid that I really will go crazy with a second one. So far this pregnancy has been just fine. I have had some morning sickness but not very much and my fatigue level is getting so much better. I am 17 weeks along and just hope that my mood is at least partly because I am pregnant. I don't want to get up in the morning, I cry my eyes out when I drop my daughter off, I don't feel attractive at all, and my sleep is beginning to become interrupted with the current pregnancy. There are plenty of things that I could discuss as I'm sure you all know, but I am seeking out guidance from others who have been in my position or are currently going through the same thing. I appreciate the fact that there is a place to speak freely and get support. Thank you all for being out there are starting something for women who like or need to talk. If I have shared too much, I'm sorry; I just feel hopeless sometimes and like no matter all of the love I have around me it's like I'm in a bubble unable to absorb it.