11 am Tantrum/Meltdowns - Help!

[terbear72]

Hi all, new here! Thanks in advance for listening...

My daughter turned 3 in May, and boy did we turn a corner fast. For the most part, I know she's three and just pushing boundaries when she tells me NO or doesn't listen to me. However, when it comes to things like running off, or running into a parking lot or street I resort to yelling because she just won't stop when I say STOP! ( We don't really use NO.) She's never been a child of tantrums, just whining about the smallest things. FYI, I'm a SAHM.

This week, that changed. For the past 3 days, like clockwork, at 11 am she has a bit of a meltdown. She won't listen, she's defiant, angry, throws things, yells "NO", "I DON'T WANT TO" and  "I WILL NOT BEHAVE" for about 20-30 minutes straight. The first time it happened we were at the zoo and I had to split from our group because she was so out of hand. She almost ripped the canopy right off her wagon; I had to remove it. We just sat there the whole time until she calmed down. (She was belted in) Once she did, she was as sweet as they come for the rest of the day. This has happened 3 days in a row now. Day 2 was at an empty burger restaurant with grandma, today was at a local garden where she was allowed to walk around and view all the flowers, gardens, and fairy residences.

By 11 am, she's had breakfast, a snack, and plenty of fluids. Different snack every day, so I'm pretty sure it's not anything food related. We get plenty of exercise & socialization. She has been, for the last month or so, skipping a few naps a week and just having "quiet time" in her room, because she just refuses to fall asleep some days. However, she does not ever make up the sleep. Her Ped tells me this is fine and normal. The only other thing I can think of is that my hubby just left Sunday on a business trip and maybe she's finally realizing what's really going on when he leaves. (He travels about 1/3 of the year, randomly) But the same time every day? Anyone else ever run into a "scheduled tantrum" like this?

We don't spank, we do time outs or take away toys, but even that doesn't phase her anymore. I keep my cool during her meltdown, but if she runs off I don't have much choice other than to yell her name and so forth, or she keeps going. I hate yelling at her. My father always yelled at us at the top of his Sicilan lungs, or used "the belt", and I don't want to be like that. (I would never consider hitting her, but yelling isn't much better.)

HELP!

Terri

[heatherdeg]

Could she be getting sick and really tiring out by 11am?  It's that time of year.  Also, it's happened while you're out each time.  Maybe stay home tomorrow and the next day and see if it continues?  Maybe being out of sorts with your dh gone is making her uncomfortable with NOT being at home?

Last--watch the combination of what she's eating and be sure that any fruits, starches or sweet foods are paired up with a significant amount of protein and fat.  It could be sugar-insulin imbalance.  If she eats at the same times each day--that would explain the predictable breakdowns.  Even if "she's always eaten this" it's possible that her body is really just finally unable to compensate for the imbalance.  I'm seeing a really disturbing amount of this among children.  It's something to consider at least.  You may not have to REMOVE anything--you may just need to add stuff or rearrange... kwim?  

HTH!

[terbear72]

Thanks for the quick reply!

Well today was another banner day. Her meltdown was at 11 again, triggered by one of her friends not wanting her to get out of the wagon they were riding in. Nothing physical, he just said he didn't want her to get out-nicely. Cried for 20 minutes straight. When we got home, she peed on the bathroom floor and then told me she did it because she didn't want to behave. (She's been PT for over a year)

We are going to stay home tomorrow and spend some one-on-one time and see if anything changes. I do try to keep her on a balanced diet, but sometimes easier said than done! I must be doing something right, for these past few days she's asked to share my salad at dinner! :)

Thanks for the advice, will give it a shot and stay home/monitor her intake closer and maybe mix it up a little.

Terri
 

[sunnygir1]

My dd used to have a really hard time when dh was away.  It could certaily be an expression of that.  Did he tell her to behave before he left?  It just popped into my head because she said she doesn't want to behave.  Maybe she's mad at him for leaving?

I think it's worth looking into the food thing.  Just give her some protein/fat with that morning snack -- nuts, nut butter, egg, cheese, etc.

[mamazee]

My first thought when I hear a tantrum happening at the same time every year is to wonder what the food is the meal before it. So I wonder what she's having for breakfast. She could have a food intolerance, but OTOH my tantrum-prone kid just needed a protein-based breakfast in the morning and she'd have a better day than when she had a grain-based breakfast. Try not giving anything sweet, including fruit or juice, in the mornings, and having more protein and not too much grain, and see if that improves things. Otherwise, I'd consider a possible food intolerance or allergy.

[terbear72]

My first thought was food, as well. I really try to monitor her sugar intake. The most she gets is from a fiber one bar or a few m&m's she gets for a treat for keeping her bed dry. (That will go away shortly when we're sure she's good with dry sleeping) She has Cheerio's or Wheaties for breakfast with 1% milk, and sometimes a banana or apple.

My husband did tell her to behave before he left on Sunday, but that's nothing new. We do use the words "please use good behavior" when she acts up, so she might just be repeating us ;) 

I'm thinking maybe I'll keep a food diary for her to better view any possible triggers. I do also suspect it's a culmination of daddy traveling, starting preschool in 2 weeks, and lack of sleep. If I find there's a food link, then I can be better prepared for prevention!

Thanks ladies!

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by terbear72 

She has Cheerio's or Wheaties for breakfast with 1% milk, and sometimes a banana or apple.

And all of that is ripe for a sugar-insulin imbalance.  The 1% milk isn't enough fat to outweigh the insulin spike (and subsequent sugar level crash) from the Cheerios/Wheaties and the fruit resolves ENTIRELY to sugar in the body (so same roller coaster there).  If you could bump it up to whole milk or even coconut milk and add some peanut butter with the fruit you'd be better off!!

[terbear72]

I never thought of it that way! She drinks skim because she's a little chunky. (38", 38 lbs) Today was better. No meltdown. No 10 am snack, either...
Will try the peanut butter and whole milk suggestion.

[greenemami]

Could just be a phase, being extra-tired with all the transitions, etc...maybe try to head it off with storytime or something calming at 10:45? :) 

Also, my first thought was adding more protein to a 10 am snack as well-hard boiled eggs, pb or other nut butter/nuts, hummus, bean qesadilla..whatever she will eat.  My kids eat pretty healthy, but are on a much more even keel when I remember to add lots of protein around 10 am. 

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by terbear72 

I never thought of it that way! She drinks skim because she's a little chunky. (38", 38 lbs) Today was better. No meltdown. No 10 am snack, either...
Will try the peanut butter and whole milk suggestion.

Don't feel bad: most people don't think of it that way.  I suspect that long ago, I didn't either.  But between our own journeys in the diabetes spectrum and my job, I'm pretty well bombarded with this daily.  

Let us know how it goes.  Agreeing that it could very well be "daddy traveling" if it's that new.  Time will tell.

[terbear72]

Well, again, thank you all. The 11 am meltdown seems to have subsided. Now if I could just get her to stay in her room during the nap she's dropping! I see another help post in my future...

Terri