So this is Dd's third day of school EVER (except for kindy), and she has "lost recess" (detention) four times. They get let out into the sunshine once a day for 15 min. basically. She is getting punished not for poor behavior but for 1) not understanding the hmwrk (I didnt get it either) 2) forgetting to bring a book (she loves to read, couldnt they have let her borrow one? Geez) 3) asking another kid to explain what to do instead of the teacher 4) starting homework in class after her classwork was done (this is prohibited) All this seems rather harsh to me. Seems like she's being punished for not understanding how the whole picture fits together.
She is telling me she hates school and wants me to withdraw her. After 7 hrs of school, she's had 1.5 hrs hmwrk every night so far. She resents having no free time. She says her eyes hurt from the lights and wants to be outside.
Worst, she thinks the other kids are smarter than her because it's taking her longer to complete the work--she's not used to the format, you know? She's crying to me and saying "what's a worksheet?"
She's doing fine with making friends, but she is upset that they don't get to play except for that 15 min/day that the teachers keep taking away from her. Sigh. I have talked to two out of three teachers and they seem understanding when we talk but still doling out the harsh even tho I've explained this is her first real year in school. She hasn't had a lot of practice being quiet and sitting in rows.
Yesterday, she was upset coz it's hard andboring and you're busy all day with people telling you what to do--well, learning to cope in that environment is valuable, you know? I want her to be able to hang and not give up. I'm not against coming back to home learning, but I'm thinking did I ruin her and make her lazy or incapable of dealing with uncomfortable situations or challenges by making life too good thru hs? I don't want her to hs because she gave up on ps after three days, dig? I want her to hs (if thats what she wants) because its truly what she wants, not because its the lesser evil. Also, I would like her to be capable of getting by in an institutional education environment in case she wants to pursue her interests in the future through college, etc. Maybe it's just not the right time yet?
The hard position I'm in is that I totally agree with her--it's bs they keep giving her detention every day just coz she hasnt learned to swim like all the other fishes yet, its crap that she barely has time to eat and shower, 1.5 hrs hmwrk is fine for highschool but really for 4th grade a bit much, yet I'm trying to encourage her to stick it out coz I dont want her to give up out of high emotions. I'm afraid she will get targeted as a "bad kid"--she has said the other kids have made fun that she's lost so many recesses. Also, I'm worried about her self-esteem.
Thing is, last year, hs was not fun for either of us. She didnt want to do her 1.5 hrs a day of work and we bickered a lot--mainly I think coz she would get bored and feel unsettled and need stimulation but not want the direction for that to come from me, even tho what I would suggest was usually fun. She says she'll be happy to hs again, but I told her thats something we both have to agree on, and I'm not ready to agree to taking that on again at this time. Mostly coz of the once bitten twice shy thing, after spending last year in oppositional hell with her, I dont want to mess with that, it rly put a shadow on our relationship dynamic.
Originally we (the parents along with her complicit agreement) agreed to push through til January and then re-evaluate if her going to school was working for the family. Now, I'm hoping to make it to Halloween! I am concerned about her transitioning back to hs right at the same time we have a new baby--I am NOT going to be in digging up curriculum mindset, kwim? from the work they are doing, she is definitely not behind; if I pulled her out soonish then we could pick up right where we left last spring and be on track/ahead of her grade class easily.
I am just bummed coz she was so excited to go and the teachers are so stuck on not giving even a teensy inch of budge to accomodate her transitioning that they are being hard and ruining what could be really great. Also feeling guilty for hsing at all as had she been in school from the beginning she'd obviously be adjusted to this and not struggling so much at 9yo tho I know thats totally illogical since we are here who we are now, and I love my little girl just the way she is! But I'm feel sad that she s dealing with this rough transition while it seems so effortless for the schoolers to be back at school already.
Thoughts? Sorry so long, just trying to think through this and feeling pretty frustrated.