Thoughts on Cosleeping « Back to Group Discussions

[CarlyVHT]

I didn't cosleep with my DD so I'm a bit torn on this.

DS does his first stretch of sleep in his crib and then comes to our bed when he wakes up. We're all sleeping pretty darn well that way. He was sleeping really really great: 8-1:30 in his crib, then a snack when he came in and sleeping until 5 ot 6 before having another snack and then sleeping until 7. Lately, he's been up quite a bit in the early part of the night and ends up coming to our bed much earlier - like 10:30 or 11. Then he is restless and snacking a lot of the night. I think a lot of it has to do with his little appendages moving so much. It's outgrowing all of the biggest swaddlers so I was trying to wean him away from them but he just can't stop grabbing at things and kicking. I started swaddling again (barely fitting him into the swaddlers) and he is sleeping better, but still not as well as before.

I usually don't listen to anything doctors have to say about parenting but our Ped today talked to us about sleeping. She is very AP which I do appreciate. She supports cosleeping but said now is a good time to make a choice: we either wean him away from cosleeping now, or wait until he is a toddler. She said that 6, 9, 12 month olds are very hard to wean from cosleeping and I kind of see her point: seperate anxiety peaks at that stage and they are much more mobile, and tend to throw bigger fits. She wasn't trying to push us away from cosleeping, just reminding us that if we want an independant sleeper before toddlerhood, now is the best window of opportunity in her opinion.

I'm not sure what to do. I think it is natural to sleep together until toddler-hood but I am not sure that is what my DH and I really want. We're happy with it now but I suspect we'd both like to get him sleeping independantly before 3 years old. DS is pretty laid back and his cosleeping is mostly a result of my laziness. I probably could go into his room when he wakes, nurse, and put him back down in his crib. I think he'd do okay, or at least get used to it after a few efforts. We don't CIO so that isn't an issue. It's just an issue of me investing the time at night into soothing him in his room instead of just putting him in our bed.

Also - I love cosleeping right now and I'm going to miss having him in bed :(

Any thoughts? Where are you all at with this?

[RosieL]

How old is he? We followed pretty much the same pattern. He'd start night in crib, stay in til 1 or 2, then come in with us. At 4 mo, he started waking every 1-2 hours. That lasted two weeks, and he's edging back to the schedule he had before now (almost 5mo). 

I believe now is the time to transition, and that your ped's advice has some grounding. Of course, every child and family is different. We have been trying to keep him in his crib longer and longer, until 5AM at least. But it's hard because I love morning snuggles. Last few nights we have gotten him to 5am, which requires a 3AM 15 minute nursing. 

We want him in his crib because we like easy morning sex, frankly, and I want to be able to get out of bed and do things while he's still asleep with no fear of him rolling around/getting off the bed. 

One way I've gotten my snuggles is weekend afternoon naps. I love them, and probably will keep them around for a long while.

[ReadingRenee]

It's hard to say.  I have read that advice before too about it being better to stop co sleeping by 6 months.  We do the same thing right now pretty much.  She goes down in her crib for nighttime and all wakings are handled in her room until I go to bed, then I pick her up and put her in the bassinet next to our bed.  Then she usually sleeps about 4-5 hours in her bassinet and comes into bed with me for the rest of the morning until time to get up.  So usually around 3 or 4.  I love this because its the best of both worlds.  Fall asleep on my own snuggled up with dh or on my stomach and then get to snuggle for part of the night too.

we have some rough co sleeping nights but more often than not, she sleeps pretty well next to me and can put herself back to sleep without nursing (so far) so that is a big deal.  If she couldn't do that I might feel differently.  I think she sleeps a little better in her bassinet but I dont' know as I haven't tried putting her back down after her first bassinet waking of the night.  Sometimes I think I should get her in her own bed, at least her bassinet for all night but I LOVE sleeping next to her so much I just don't think I can do it.  I dont' think I have ever enjoyed co sleeping so much.

My first child co slept with me until she was 2.5 and she was a nightmare to co sleep with until I night weaned her around  16 months or so.  After that I didn't mind co sleeping with her.  The transition wasn't too hard I just lay in her bed at night and then got up and went to my own bed after she was asleep.  At first every time she woke up I would go lay back with her but pretty soon my dh started comforting her instead of me and she stopped waking up and pretty soon she wasn't waking up at all anymore and sleeping in her room 12 hours a night.  And she has stayed a great sleeper. 

Dd2 was hard to co sleep with too.  She would wake up and cry almost every hour and not want to nurse back to sleep.  Finally when she was one I put her in her own room and I had planned to do the same thing with her, lay on her bed and help her sleep. hah!  She didn't want me anywhere near her in her bed.  I realized very late that she slept much better not co sleeping.  She started sleeping all night almost immediately after we moved her and is still a great sleeper at age 3.

[chiromama01]

We've had the exact same pattern at out house. DS started off doing great in his crib till about 2, then he'd come nurse and sleep with me till it was time to get moving. Now, not so much.  He's in our bed by 11.  Last night was the first night I nursed him (in our bed) then consistently put him back in his swing (next to our bed) so that I could get some rest too. 

Re swaddling:  I still swaddle Collin becuase he wakes himself up too.  I don't see any reason to stop honestly.  Check out Woombie swaddlers. they are wonderful, and they are sized, so you can get them for the bigger babies.  Collin LOVES his wrap and snap one, which incidentally I got out of their clearance section for $16. It's amazing.

[CarlyVHT]

Thanks for the responses, ladies. It's good to know others are in the same position.

DS is 4 months and 1 week. I think tonight I will try going in there when he wakes, nursing, and putting him back down in his crib - see if I can at least get him to do 2 stretches in his crib. We'll just see how it goes and then go from there.

[CarlyVHT]

The swaddlers we have are sized, but at almost 19 lbs and 28", Grady is running out of room. Looks like the Woombie has a 20-25 lbs option, so maybe I will try that....

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

My first, who has severe separation anxiety and is an extremely difficult child wanted her own bed at 2. I wasn't ready, but she was, and it was a great transition. I'm hoping for something similar with Tavian. Personally cosleeping is still so easy for us that I don't want to give it up and make night feeds harder.

[flavorfull1]

All I can say is what works for us.  I do not like to get up at night and I do everything I can to minimize it. I cosleep partly because I am lazy! DS woke up every 45 min-1 hr (im not kidding) from 4 months until about 14 months.  Then he progressed to every two hours until he was 24 months.  I was six months pregnant and my milk was less so he seemed less interested in night nursing, like only waking up for a couple of min then back asleep.  Then, he just stopped waking up and slept through the night. I moved him to a toddler bed beside ours and then his sister was born and we moved. I probably would have moved him to his own room before if we didn't move but all this to say that by 2.5 he was in his own room and around 2yr he was sleeping through the night and he was not at all the poster child for sleep and then just did it on his own. I was way too tired to make it work any earlier so he did everything on his own.  Now, DD wakes up anywhere from 2-5 times, usually 2-3 per night and it is a dream!  I enjoy co-sleeping and DH likes it too because it makes sense for us. It really comes down to what works for everyone. I would be figuring out what to do if DH had a big problem with it, but it would need to be a big problem bc it would mean I would lose a lot of sleep lol.

[CarlyVHT]

Well, last night I decided I would at least try putting him back in his crib. That worked fine. He went to bed at 7:15. He woke at 9:30 and I was able to get him back down quickly with just 3 minutes of holding him. Then he slept til 12:35. I nursed him and put him back in his crib. Then he slept til 3am. I nursed and put him back in his crib. Then he woke at 5am, I brought him to bed and he slept til 6:40 after a quick snack in bed.

DH said this morning that he doesn't mind having Grady in bed with us. I don't know if that was his way of saying he isn't ready for him to sleep in his crib, or he was just not wanting me to feel pressured, or what. I was getting ready for work so didn't have time to ask him to elaborate on what he was thinking.

I'm a bit torn - he's ok sleeping in his crib, but I lose sleep having to get up and spend 15 minutes nursing and putting him back down (even though he goes back down very easy). We both like having him in bed with us right now. But, I think our goal is to have a happy, good sleeper who is a bit adaptable. We don't necessarily want to commit to years of cosleeping and I don't see us being the long-term family bed type, but we really enjoy and appreciate having our baby in our bed and we think it's healthy for all of us.

I think I might just try for now working on him doing 2 chunks of sleep in his crib so that he gets used to sleeping in his crib (and I get a little longer stretch on my stomach), but we also get that snuggle time with him at night. I was really missing him last night. Especially now that I am working. It sucks to work all day, go home and put him down, not have him with me during the night, then get up to leave again in the morning. At least when he is cosleeping, I feel like we get lots of snuggle time through the night. I'm thinking working on him doing two decent stretches in his crib and then being with us in the morning (we both LOVE waking up to those morning smiles from him) might be the best of both worlds and work well for our family.

[ReadingRenee]

That sounds like a good workable solution for your family.  It's similar to ours except I move her to her bassinet next to our bed but she stays asleep for it.  I figure when I am ready for her to sleep on her own I just won't bring her to bed and will put her back down in her bed.   hah!  I guess we will find out how well that works in a couple months. :)