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I hate public school but am afraid of homeschooling! Please help :) - Page 2

post #21 of 58

You can do it.  And it sounds like you want to.  My situation is very similar to yours, I have a first grader and though i dont have a high needs toddler but i have a 'easy' 4 yo and a baby with feeding issues.  An hour a day 4 times a week is MORE than enough at this age.  School will always be there, but i would imagine its very hard to homeschool once your family is part of the culture of school.

 

nak
 

post #22 of 58

check this Typical Course of Study for Grade 1 out:

 

http://www.worldbook.com/component/k2/item/322-typical-course-of-study-grade-1-curriculum-guide

 

Bet you your dd already has a pretty good knowledge of all.
 

post #23 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Choose2Reuse View Post

If you know that you're not a good teacher (rather than just having some qualms about whether you're qualified, or whatever), I would be very careful about pulling your daughter out of public school.  By "good teacher" I guess I mean fairly patient and good at explaining things and making even boring things interesting.  Because, face it, everybody has to learn some things that they find boring.

 

I went to public school all the way from first grade through college, and while at times it made me really mad (I'm remembering one particularly bad teacher), there were other times it was really really valuable, and I had some awesome teachers too.  I don't mean to offend any homeschoolers by saying this...but I do think the public school situation can be valuable, partly in terms of learning to "deal with stuff".  As adults we have to "deal with stuff" we don't particularly like a lot.  I think there's some value in being forced to learn things you find boring (at least at the beginning), say, and to do group projects with people you don't like.  I had college professors who deliberately made the best and worst students in their classes do projects together.  At the time I HATED it, but looking back it made good sense...you don't get to choose your coworkers, and all your employer really cares about is that you get the job done well, on time.  They don't want to hear you whining about how you don't get along and how your coworker slacks off.

 

That said, it definitely depends on the child and the specific teacher and school.  If you don't think your daughter is going to do well with the local school, even if you switch teachers or whatever, heck, take her out.  Just...if you know that you aren't a good teacher, especially with certain subjects, could you team up with another homeschooling mom?  Maybe you could teach some subjects, and she could teach other ones.  Maybe you could find some tutors through the local school or library.  Just don't let your daughter grow up hating math, or history, or whatever because you hate it.
 

 

This is one of the reasons I homeschool my daughters. I had to "deal with" a lot of stuff in school; starting from a very early age. Cliques, bullys, drugs, sex.. all of those things I was exposed to in school and honestly, I haven't had to deal with a whole lot in my adult life. Obviously, I have come across all of it, but I am not forced to deal with it day in and day out. If I don't like something, I can change it to a certain degree. My girls are such amazing little people. I would hate to see them change into what is "cool" or what they feel the need to change into because they are getting picked on or bullied. Peer pressure is a b*tch, kids giving oral sex and bringing weapons to elementary school!! I mean come on! Now it could just be where I live, but I doubt it. My school is an "A" rated "good" school. I wish I could afford some other option for outside of the house schooling, but we can't. So for right now, this is what we do.

post #24 of 58

A third option that hasn't been mentioned: seeing if there is financial aid available at the Montessori that your daughter loved (or another private school that might be a better fit for her). It wouldn't solve the problem immediately, but maybe you could move her next year.

post #25 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post

A third option that hasn't been mentioned: seeing if there is financial aid available at the Montessori that your daughter loved (or another private school that might be a better fit for her). It wouldn't solve the problem immediately, but maybe you could move her next year.

Second this.  I was surprised not to see it mentioned sooner.  Montessori is popular enough in some areas that you might have several schools from which to choose.  Many private schools offer financial aid, and some can even be attended with a full waiver (not necessarily Montessori, but I know of Catholic schools that offer free tuition, though there are waiting lists).

 

HSing is a great option, and it is doable even though it seems a bit scary at times.  You would do great, and so would your daughter.  But even though I am a HSing cheerleader I think that if you are uncomfortable with the thought, that might not be the best place to start for some people.   How much time have you had to think about it?  A bit more time reading about HSing and unschooling, different experiences and different styles might convince you that you are perfectly capable of pulling this off.

post #26 of 58

My son Micah is to begin Kindergarten this year.  We have been feeling like homeschooling is for us.  My son was on an iep in preschool and we had to give up all our rights to special services in our town.  I think this policy is unfair. We have however, gone ahead full steam.  We begin on Thursday!  You can be your child teacher!  Bless you!

post #27 of 58

Dee68 - You should check into this at the state level. I am no expert but I do think this is illegal in most states. Your child may still qualify for special needs services. Good luck.

post #28 of 58
Thread Starter 

Thank you everyone for all the helpful and encouraging words. I really do appreciate it!

Today was day 7 of public school. I was asking her about her day, and if she had a nice lunch. She said yes... but the more questions I ask the more I hate this whole experience. When I asked her if she made any friends or sat with anyone during lunch she said yes, but she didn't really talk to anyone. Why I asked? Because, she said... the rule is we need to be quiet in the lunchroom, so we can't really talk to eachother. We just need to eat our lunch quietly. When I asked what happens if you talk (or are loud) she says the lunch lady blows her whistle and it hurts my ears :( 

 

A couple of days ago, she came home all worried about making sure she put all the art supplies in the art room back in their proper places because if they weren't put away properly then they class didn't get to use the art supplies next week. She didn't know where everything was supposed to go because it was her first time in the art room.

 

I don't know if its our school or public school in general. we have a 'good' school, rated an 8. I just hate all of this.

 

I used to be so on board for homeschooling, then I discovered montessori for her for prek and k and loved it. In all honesty one of my biggest worries is my husband. He is not really on board with HS. Not against it, but not for it either. He hates all the things i hate about the school but doesn't want to really do anything about it. He definately won't spend the money for private, and he suggested we move to a different district where we might have better public schools. The thing is you never know what your school is like until you actually attend! I feel like if I do end up HSing my daughter I have all my own worry and weight and also that of my husband, I would have my doubts and the need to prove to him that we are succeeding.

 

I just feel very emotional about this right now. I hate leaving her there everyday :(

post #29 of 58

I would hate all the things you hate about the school.  But there's probably a lot you can do to help your daughter keep from taking it all too seriously. When you're in first grade, it's easy to take everything very, very seriously and have all kinds of unrealistic worries about what can happen to you and what the teacher might think of you if you make a mistake or break a rule. You can offer a healthy dose of perspective and some information about reality.  For instance, you can explain that the thing about not getting to use art supplies next week if they weren't put away properly was almost certainly an empty threat.  What are they going to do, have the kids sit and do nothing during art class?  Of course they're going to let them use the supplies.  I'd tell my kid that breaking a rule is not the end of the world, that I thought a lot of the school rules were bad or silly, and that it didn't matter at all to me whether or not she followed them.

post #30 of 58
Giving a child permission to break certain rules rather than trying to change them. Hmmmm. The moral here is...?

You need to decide if this bothers you enough to do something, or are you going to leave things the way they are.
post #31 of 58

IME school rules are not merely threats.  If they say you wont get art, you dont get art. 

post #32 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

Giving a child permission to break certain rules rather than trying to change them. Hmmmm. The moral here is...?
 

The moral is that you don't always have to follow the rules - an important thing to learn, IMO.  (But I know there are a lot of people out there who would disagree with that.)

post #33 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by sesa70 View Post
I don't know if its our school or public school in general. we have a 'good' school, rated an 8. I just hate all of this.

 

I used to be so on board for homeschooling, then I discovered montessori for her for prek and k and loved it. In all honesty one of my biggest worries is my husband. He is not really on board with HS. Not against it, but not for it either. He hates all the things i hate about the school but doesn't want to really do anything about it. He definately won't spend the money for private, and he suggested we move to a different district where we might have better public schools. The thing is you never know what your school is like until you actually attend! I feel like if I do end up HSing my daughter I have all my own worry and weight and also that of my husband, I would have my doubts and the need to prove to him that we are succeeding.

 

I just feel very emotional about this right now. I hate leaving her there everyday :(

 

 

Each and every school will be different, even within a district; you can't generalize about public schools, private schools, or even Montessori schools. And within a school there can be good and bad teachers and administrators.

 

I'm a schooling mom now but when my ds was very young I was briefly part of homeschooling group in my city which has a lot of options for homeschoolers. My ds went to K in a new school in an Exemplary district and the experience was dreadful. The school has a "fixer" principle who "fixes" schools with problems and starts up new ones. His K teacher was a second career teacher who should not be teaching small children; she was the one of five K teachers that didn't have that sunny/huggy K teacher personality. My ds also has ADHD/Asperger's and had significant sensory issues at the time; the teacher/school completely mishandled him, believing his issues were all due to discipline and I didn't know enough then about how to challenge that. So in the midst of all this I started searching for alternatives and found a charter school that has been working well for him. I've worked with his teacher (and through them all the "specials" teachers) to figure out how to make school work for him. I'd try talking to her primary teacher about what happened in art, usually there is a time period for learning the rules before enforcement; maybe the art teacher should review them again or post visual cues.

 

The first week of school is a lot about learning the rules but that should improve in the 2nd week. The lunch room issue is probably a result of the tight scheduling schools tend to be on; the students probably have only about 20 minutes in the lunchroom and because it may be their first opportunity to chat they can get through the lunch period without eating at all. The two schools we have been to don't use whistles in the lunchroom, they each had something else to get their attention--a short rhyming song.

 

In any case I think you should research your options, pro and con, make a plan for each one, then take it to your dh; my dh was like yours "yeah, the current situation sucks, but I'm not paying for private school, so we'll just have to deal." For private schools I'd find out if you are eligible for financial aid as pp said or if you can perform a service for reduced tuition (my friend's mom was the secretary for their Lutheran school). For homeschooling there may be groups or co-ops in your area; you might also be able to supplement with tutors or a tutoring service like Huntington for general ed or Mathnasium for math. Museums and businesses in my area sometimes have times or services specifically geared to homeschoolers.

post #34 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee68 View Post

My son Micah is to begin Kindergarten this year.  We have been feeling like homeschooling is for us.  My son was on an iep in preschool and we had to give up all our rights to special services in our town.  I think this policy is unfair. We have however, gone ahead full steam.  We begin on Thursday!  You can be your child teacher!  Bless you!

 

If you are just operating on the information the school/district provided you I'd track down the specific law that addresses this.

 

Try searching Wrightslaw.com for "homeschool". I'd also find your states law on special education (they have some flexibility in implementing federal regulations but there are limits), and the states document for parents on procedural protections.

 

You could also search for homeschooling organizations in your state and see what they have on homeschooling/special needs and the law.

 

Scroll down to "Regional Information"

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/specialneedslegal.htm#.UEDDWKMfyq1

post #35 of 58

Couple more things:

1.  When my oldest dd went to public school, she struggled with lunchtime.  I made it a point to "have lunch" with her a couple times at school.  It gave me a chance to actually see what was going on during that time.  It may be that your child is very good at "following rules" and she is a bit overly concerned about it. Maybe the whistle is really only blown when things get rowdy, and she is associating it with all conversation because that is her definition of 'quietly eating lunch'.  Maybe not.  

 

2.  When we first pulled my oldest out of school, my dh was VERY apprehensive.  Maybe even a bit anti-hs.  He wanted to know what I would do if x, y, z.  He made it known that she needed to go to high school.  Now, however, he has said that he doesn't care if she ever returns to school.  When discussing our current situation with our youngest, he emphatically stated that I was to "yank her out of ps" regardless of what she wanted if I saw any signs of self-esteem issues.  DH's often have reasons for being apprehensive.  Mine was primarily concerned that I was putting too much on my plate.  His secondary concern was that he didn't want our kids to miss out on anything.  And thirdly, to be honest, he was worried that the house would never get clean!

 

So, if you are really still on the fence about it all, visit the school and observe.  This will help you gain perspective that can't be gained through a conversation with her.  Otherwise, realize that it can be reversed.  If first grade doesn't go well at home, you can send her back for second.  

 

Amy

post #36 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by sesa70 View Post

Thank you everyone for all the helpful and encouraging words. I really do appreciate it!

Today was day 7 of public school. I was asking her about her day, and if she had a nice lunch. She said yes... but the more questions I ask the more I hate this whole experience. When I asked her if she made any friends or sat with anyone during lunch she said yes, but she didn't really talk to anyone. Why I asked? Because, she said... the rule is we need to be quiet in the lunchroom, so we can't really talk to eachother. We just need to eat our lunch quietly. When I asked what happens if you talk (or are loud) she says the lunch lady blows her whistle and it hurts my ears :( 

 

A couple of days ago, she came home all worried about making sure she put all the art supplies in the art room back in their proper places because if they weren't put away properly then they class didn't get to use the art supplies next week. She didn't know where everything was supposed to go because it was her first time in the art room.

 

Ugh!  What a nightmare, IMO.  This isn't the first time I've heard about rules like this, so entirely different from when I was a kid.

 

Husbands are good at changing their minds when they have the time to change it on their own.  If he is not opposed to HSing, then do it and I think he'll come around.  

 

It sounds like you know the way you are leaning, so I will say this with no apologies: pull her out, take a break while you get your information together (extended summer break!) and HS her.  HSing a first grader is not that hard.  (I did it, and I didn't even know I was doing it orngtongue.gif!)  Depending on the regulations in your state, you might not have to legally do anything at this age.  Not that you shouldn't do anything, but doesn't that just take a load off your mind?

post #37 of 58

I'm going to recommend that you check out the excellent A Blog About School: http://www.ablogaboutschool.blogspot.com

 

There you will see that the focus on rules and behavior management has become the central focus of many public schools, even in areas where the population is predominantly liberal, politically speaking. 

 

If you decide to stay with the school, the blog may give you some ideas about challenging the authoritarian ideology.  If you decide to leave, it may be with a better understanding of the big picture.

post #38 of 58

If you do decide to homeschool, a couple of good resources are "The First Year of Homeschooling" by Linda Dobson and "Home Learning Year by Year" by Rebecca Rupp.  The first one has lots of ideas and shows different families' ways of homeschooling.  The second one has curriculum suggestions for K-12 so you can feel confident that you're covering what other kids that age are doing.

 

In our area there are lots of homeschoolers that we can join for classes and fieldtrips.

 

There is lots of support out there if you decide to go the HS route!  Don't feel like you have to do it in a vacuum.

 

Amanda

post #39 of 58

I think it is funny that people have this idea that homeschool moms are perfect, so patient and angelic...HA!  

 

In our family, we unschool and love it (your dd sounds much like mine was 4yrs ago). You might check out the ChristianUnschooling blog or some other unschooling references if you feel so inclined.  It is absolutely amazing to a schooled person such as myself to see what kids will do when freed to follow their interests.  (I would give examples but that would be bragging!  :D ) Like another HSer said, you don't need to be a great teacher, you only need to be a facilitator.  The kid will do the rest.

 

I have actually had people say, "I would homeschool but I'm not as patient as you are, and your kids just seem to learn naturally!"  To which my inner response is always, "Yours would too, if you let them, and didn't let people tell them that learning is boring!"  I don't even let myself have an inner response to how "patient" I am-- it would just be a snort anyway!

 

(I don't want to step on anyone's toes here who may disagree, and I will put out the caveat that my kids are all under 10 so I don't have any firsthand knowledge of how this will go into the future.)  But for the time being it is a wonderful blessing, and my kids are so far happy, social, well-adjusted, helpful individuals.  I hear this from others also, so I know I am not just delusional or blinded by mother love!  :D

 

As far as the effect of school goes, you may want to take a quick peek at John Taylor Gatto's essay entitled "The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher" (also revised to seven lessons later on)-- you can find it at http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html.  These are lessons that children *will* be taught in school, regardless of the many other wonderful things they may or may not learn, so it's good to have a heads-up.  Your daughter is so lucky/blessed to have a mama who cares so much about her development as an individual.  

post #40 of 58

i think most homeschoolers when first considering this option feel overwhelmed with doubt, fear, concerns, etc. at least i know i did when we first started looking into this. my children are 8 and 10 now (11 next month) and i can honestly say we still love homeschooling. we just take it one year at a time to keep from feeling overloaded, but the freedom we have found in homeschooling is wonderful. we also live in a state that allows us to take classes at the public school or dual enroll in college at age 15, so those are great options for my kids as they get older too. as for the busy toddler, i wouldn't worry about that at all. i consider us to be rather structured and much more "schooly" than most here, and for us, in grade 1, it still only took an hour a day to complete "school". really, at that age, it doesn't require a lot. it's very fun and hands-on smile.gif also, each year really does get easier. well, at least for my family, we all have really found our groove and every year is better than the last.

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