I hate public school but am afraid of homeschooling! Please help :) - Page 3

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg 

Oh wow... *I* am sorry!!!  Yes--I did mean the SCHOOL POLICY was insane--not the OP (who happens to be a friend IRL   )

I'm so very sorry.  I never imagined someone could take that statement as calling the OP insane but seeing that the OP posted some info after the original post I could see where someone might think that I was calling the info in her subsequent post about keeping the child in school a few months insane.  Totally NOT what I meant.  I apologize!!  

that made me laugh outloud. i'm sorry you were misunderstood, but that was too funny!!

[MamaPrincess]

I feel your struggle and I have full emphaty to it.

Beiing in similar situation to yours I have ended up to send my child to PS. After careful consideration of all the option we opted out from them for many reasons including finances.. and so PS it is.

It is true all you said. There are tons of rules. Just as you went to school. Now I don't like it at all either, and my first intention is to rebel. However.. I also went through a strict discipline schooling and I learned that although I had no choice but obey, it did not mean that they could get into my mind and chamge me into little robot. I kept my critical thinking regardless of the discipline that was only able to keep me sitted and obeying little stupid rules. Two different things.

I learned that to do well at school I had to play by their rules. It goes on in life, it goes on on higher education and at work, so as much as it is bad, on the other hand a kid learns to have perspective how to navigate in a world full of rules and yet to shape the personality and not give in entirely inside and succe without being brainwashed.

I would say that reson why PS everywhere have so many rules are very different that of private schools, or that you have at home.

At home you are dealing with one or just handful of children so to have them relatively good behaving and get somethign done does not take the same as to manage a private or public school.

In my opinion not all rules in PS are designed to screw kids and make you mad, but just imaginine..

schools after all are to teach your kids something aren't they?

Now, you have school full of kids. It is not only your well behaving child who will just sit there and absorbe the knowledge. the school is full of all kinds of kids, and I am not sure if you agree but my feeling is that Publc schools tend to have kids from families that have less resources to spend more time with kids and bring them up in the way that they behave at school in that way that they can learn and they will let others to learn and the teacher to teach.

So, if your child goes to the class full of kids who are unruly and would just do as they please if you let them, I don't suppose you would be happy with that either, just imagine teacher who can't teach and little ones who are talking, and doing everhting they want..

I would say that managing a class is an effort, managing 25 kids.. all day long, managing the paperwork and managing supply, managing their go to the break, come back etc.. it is an effort..

if  they were little angels as those from private schools or montessori the less rules they would need but they are usually just more full of life so they are harder to manage and that is the call for discipline I would say.

on a class level... you have supplies, you have materials, you have time management, and now imagine that my child is with your child in the class and my child is messing up supplies, interrupts teacher, walks around the class, speaks her mind all the time for half an hour

calls your kid names, would you imagine that you would yourself set some rules so your child could do what she was meant to do there? learn. How else you can have them learn if they won't first behave?

I would assume that is logical to go over all the rules at school at the beginning because the rules have to exist and going over them later would be rather funny as your child would get in trouble first and then learn it was against the rules?

I used to be repulled by the rules too at first but then I looked around and I learned that if it was just for my child It would be not fair as she does not need half of them, but she is not alone and the rules go to everyone so that will also keep her able to learn there something if the other kids will obey the rules just as she will. So m y take is, she has nothing to worry as she is well behaving kid, that she is. After all I looked at all the rules and if I was teaching 25 kids, they

would give me the tool to teach. It is not that I would need to use them all the time but I would have them if I needed them.

School is like a road, imagine everyone doing and riding as the y please.

Public school is like public road. Private school is as private road, Homeschooling is like driveway.. the more public you go, the more people you get the more rules you need to let everyoe to be safe and do what they are there to do.

Comparing public to private is  not logical, you have usually one class for each grade there, now take public.. you have like 5 or more classes per each grade.. so you have tons more kids...

Managing large group takes more rules. Period.

My motto is, I don't like many of the rules that are at the PS, but I know that they protect my little one just as the next child and make learning there possible with shuch a huge crowds and huge chaos that comes with it. If I can't afford to change the school I am not going to complain at them because the more I rebel, the more she will. and this is not good for her or healthy.

I enforce those rules and explain her why she needs to obey as there is no other way.

Untill we can do otherwise.

Now, critical thinking is something entirely else. I suppor that in all areas of science and we will discuss other social rules when she grows up a bit but now is not the time in my opinion messing up her mind and supporting her rebeling against the rules that she has no choice but obey all day long.

I learned long time ago that if I complain on things she picks it up and she suffers more then me because it makes unbearable to her. I also learned that it is much easier to put up with difficulties

if you ignore them for a time being untill you can either change them or leave them for something else. Otherwise it turns into daily struggle, bird in the cage situation.

Try to change your perspective on things and maybe it will make it easier for and her.

[greenmagick]

I have very little patience and am also not a good teacher.  I get things very quickly in my own way but have a horrible time explaining them to anyone else but thats ok, I am still homeschooling:)

Only you can make the decision, but I just want to say, dont sell yourself short.  Homseschooling does not have to look like "school at home".  You don't have to do scheduled lessons, sit at a table, etc, ESPECIALLY in the early years, just being alive is learning. 

I am not sure of your location, but maybe looking at local hs groups could help.  Talk to other mamas about local resources.  Read up on different families experiences with homeschooling.  One of the books that made me feel very empowered to homeschool was "Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves" but I know there are many others out there as well.

Yes, many kids survive PS just fine and I am NOT at all saying that is the wrong choice for you and your family.  BUT, I do want to make sure you know that homeschooling can really be done by just about anyone who wants to.

[Lulu28]

I absolutely had to share on this post. I am the product of homeschooling and while my mom and dad were far from perfect it is the 2nd most important thing they could have ever done for me (the first was giving me a belief in God).

I want to say that again: being homeschooled was one of the greatest gifts I ever could have been given and I am thankful for it nearly every day.

Although I do believe you can have a well-adjusted, confident and self-actualized child if you send them to public school, I think it is incredibly difficult for them. Also, their education is very likely going to be sub-par.

It sounds like your daughter is incredibly bright. Really, once a child learns to read a homeschooling parent's biggest job is to direct their education, not be a "teacher" in a traditional sense.

Children are incredibly capable of self-teaching and there are great curricula out there that can really help you. You're going to have to experiment a little bit, but together you and your daughter will figure it out (I used at least four or five different brands of math textbooks from 1st - 12th grades). Also, make use of your public library. It's an incredible resource.

What my parents did was teach me that I was capable and responsible for me. They taught me how to learn and to love it. They taught me that a classroom is often a limitation, not the only place to gain knowledge.

These lessons have carried with me into my adulthood and while I am a much lazier learner than I was at 10, I'm still constantly studying, learning and discovering.

I told my mom that if she failed us on anything, it was some of the academics of our education. That might sound strange, but "education" does not equal "academics". I told her that it doesn't matter anyway because if I need to know something, I know how to learn it. THAT is so much more important to me than any wrote learning.

BTW, I did go to PS for 3rd grade (my parents and I discussed and prayed about it and I chose to go) and I wish I hadn't. I learned so little, especially in math, that it seems like a waste year to me. In jr high and high school, I went "part time" thanks to great state laws (in Idaho) that allowed that. I had a little bit of a hard time with the social game because I was used to dealing with a more adult situation and was unaccustomed to ppl who made me feel like I needed to apologize for knowing myself (teachers as well as students).

I struggled a little bit the first time I went to college bc I had to readjust to the classroom setting, following the rules and being bored in class. After a few years off, I went back and graduated with a 4.0 and on my own terms (I asked every teacher after providing me a syllabus and going through their rules what I should expect out of them - something that always caught them off guard). It was never the academics I struggled with.

If you do decide to homeschool, HSLDA.org is a great legal resource. If not, remember that teachers are public employees and the schools are public (government) institutions. That means they answer to you. You do not have to sign anything you disagree with, your daughter does not have to follow any laws that violate her rights (including not talking in the lunch room) and they still have to provide her with an education (for whatever that education is worth).

Homeschool moms - you are the best of the best and what you are giving your children is invaluable.

I got the very best education anyone could receive and no public school and no private school could have given me the education I got.

Good luck! Your children will thank you for it someday.

[sesa70]

Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to post. I really do appreciate it, and thank you giving me encouragement.

My dd has been in school for a week and a half, and I still hate it. She says she likes school but she is always in a horrible mood when she comes home and acts out of character for at least an hour. As we walk away from school she is always telling me about the two kids who lost recess for playing in the bathroom or the child who lost recess for talking in line. It makes me sad... I know there need to be rules with that many children, but they are still children! They get no freedom to be themselves. Every day I feel a pit in my stomach when I drop her off and ( I know I am a bit of a drama queen) I feel like crying as I walk away. It feels as if I am letting them take away her best qualities.

If it were 100% up to me I think I would pull her out. If I had my 1st choice I would love to send her to a small private montessori nearby, but thats not in our budget. My second choice would be to homeschool, at least for a few years. I like the idea that if it goes horribly wrong she can always go back to PS and not loose anything. Unfortunately I have a DH who is not really on board with pulling her out. He is isn't against it so much as he isn't there right now. He hears her say that she is happy at school and he sees my 'the school can do no right' attitude and doesn't see it being as big of an issue as I do. My daughter is very eager to please so I would be surprised if she personally got into trouble, but its still not an environment I want to have her in. I think if she was miserable or if she continued to not be challenged he would be more on board. So, the agreement is we give it time. I don't know how much, I think a couple of months at most. But time to settle a bit, time to see if she starts being able to connect her unhappiness with her school environment, and time to see if they can meet her academic needs. If I still feel this way after the unspecified amount of time, then we can seriously talk about pulling her out and giving homeschooling a go. Its not perfect, but its better than where I was before. I just wish our public schools were more focused on the children they serve and their emotional well being.

[rdehoff-us]

I was homeschooled and in High school I was my own worst critic. I am no genius.  However, in college I came to the realization that not only did my homeschooling education meet the same expectations as public schools in my area, but it exceeded it.  I was more than prepared for college and found almost every class easy.  My only scar on my GPA was the B's I got in math classes.  Not that you can't get a good education in public High schools, but I did beat the statistic for our area and there are always a certain percentage of kids that do extremely well there too.  It also depends on the child.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses.

[Cynthia Mosher]

Just posting to make everyone aware that this discussion is posted in the Learning at Home and Beyond forum. I know some members come into discussions from the New Posts feature without being aware of the forum they are replying in. 

Sesa70 is looking for support and encouragement from parents who homeschool to help her be confident in her abilities to homeschool her child. So let's refrain from posts that are about schools and sending children to school instead of homeschooling. Sesa70 can post in the Learning at School forum if she wants to get support and advice regarding schooling. 

Thanks everyone. Please continue with the great discussion. 

[Allyson Holley]

Have you looked at any of the online charter options?  We have some free charter schools in Oklahoma where you get 100% of the curriculum provided and have a teacher (usually they are in the same state so you can meet with them as needed).  Most of them have placement tests so you can work on different levels for different subjects based on your child's needs.  Having a curriculum to follow would be a huge time savings since it sounds like you need time with your toddler!  And maybe your DH would feel more comfortable too?

One of the options here is K-12 and the other is Calvert Academy. 

Wishing you luck! 

[K-Mom3]

Never mind.

Edited by K-Mom3 - 9/14/12 at 9:04am

[carlye828]

My older two started out in b&m schools.  This is our 3rd year homeschooling.  The first year I did our own curriculum.  I scoured the Internet and found good deals on books, but it was still pricey.  I also have 'one of those' toddlers!  Hahaha!  It was a definite challenge to keep up with the lesson plan (HA!  There was no lesson plan!) and keep the scissors away from my 2 year old.  We had fun, but it was difficult for me to keep up with everything.  Trying to get State required assessments were a huge pain in my butt.  My husband was also concerned with our eclectic unschooling style, and honestly, so was I.  Now, we know it was great, but we couldn't help being worried at the time. 

I decided to push a lot off of my plate and the 2nd year enrolled them in K-12.  It is a public school, but the curriculum in my opinion is much better than that of a b&m.  It is a lot more interesting.  They send you a computer, a printer, and all of the books.  The K-12 school we are enrolled in also sends everyone money to supplement internet costs.  They give me around $180 a year.  ......Well, OK!  The kids still have to participate in State assessments, but it is so much easier because they set everything up.  There is a calendar with tons of field trips to all sorts of places, and the schedule is as flexible as you want it to be.  We did double days, 4 days a week, took 3 day weekends, and had a 5 month summer vacation.   

You will never have to worry about getting bored, or loosing patience any more than you already do.  Think "let's do school at the beach today"!  Who doesn't want to be penalized for a mental health day?  Uh, we don't, cause we take 'em all the time!  Hiking in nature is a science lesson, Momma!  Plus, we NEVER get art taken away for putting up our supplies incorrectly.  As a matter of fact, they're still on the table with all of our paintings from 3 days ago!   

[SweetSilver]

carlye828, I love your signature:

I am not afraid to stick my hand in a toilet, for I am Mom.

Can I say it is especially appropriate here without anyone thinking I am comparing HSing or PSing to a toilet?

[i_like_ike]

So much good stuff has been said and just want to also say "trust your intuition." I had to learn that the hard way but, at least it was early on. My son attended the developmental preschool program at our local public school (he had small & large motor delays). It all went year for the first few months he went and then in the beginning the next school year (when he was four) he was "labeled" as having behavioral problems. In my naivety, I assumed the assists put in his IEP would help him, but instead they seemed to escalate the problem. Things snowballed and despite my involvement and attempts to communicate, the school acted in ways that my DH & I felt were unacceptable and we lost trust in them. My son no longer enjoyed school and seemed to be angry all the time. I ended up challenging my personal belief systems about public school and, though I want to support the institution, I disagree with the practice. I realized that my own alternative educational experiences in 1st & 2nd grade and then again in Jr. High were actually times of the greatest learning. So, we pulled him out and this year enrolled him in a Waldorf school for kindergarten (I wish I would have started him there earlier). I considered many options: Homeschooling & unschooling, which I decided wouldn't work for me nor him as what he craves is a more social environment (he is an only child); Sudbury, which I love but the school was too far away, too expensive, and, I think, less beneficial for kindergarten age; montessori but no programs locally; and Waldorf. The latter was chosen for many reasons. First, he loves it. He has done summer camps there the past 2 years. Also, his teacher is awesome, it is 5 minutes away, it is on a farm, and I love the inclusive respectful philosophy. I feel very fortunate that we can afford this right now, though it is not much more than full-day kindergarten at the public school (full-day has extra fee). For first grade, the cost may become prohibitive, but we will deal with that then, maybe I will decide to homeschool. My point is, it feels so wonderful to have the decision feel like it is the right thing for my child. I was always questioning while he was in public school whether his spirit was being squashed. It was. Now, he comes home excited from school instead of angry...of course it has only been the first week. Good luck!

[sesa70]

I wanted to thank everyone again for reading my posts and offering support. It is really encouraging to know so many other moms have been through this, trusted their instincts, and survived :)

I am still miserable. My daughter says she likes school and she says she is excited to go back, but the answers to my questions make me think otherwise. She came home with pencil shavings in her hair on friday. I asked her if she got pencil shavings in her hair and she said of course not! I asked if it was possible someone else did, and she asked 'why would someone do that mom?' but it was in the back (her hair was in two braids) and I doubt she could have done it herself, or that they got there on accident. I remember what kids were like :( I ask her who she plays with at recess and some days is no one, and other days she tries to play with our neighbor who ignores her and leaves mid play/game. He is also a 1st grader but in a different class. I ask her who she sits with at lunch and she said she sat next to the girl who my daughter asked to be her friend but the girl said no thank you. She says she doesn't really talk to anyone at lunch. Now, my daughter is not a quiet reserved shy kind of kid. She is VERY social and friendly and has never had a problem making friends. It breaks my heart that somehow collectively it seems kids are not nice to her, or at the very least ignoring her.

She is still in a horrible mood every day when she comes home. I still feel like crap everyday when I drop her off. I signed up to be a room mom and to volunteer as much a possible, but they don't allow me to do much with my toddler so my options are limited. I still really want to pull her out, but am also a bit afraid of my ability to provide her with a good homeschooling environment. I am not as nice of a mom as I used to be... so many days I am at the end of my patience b/c of my very difficult toddler and my poor older dd gets the butt end of that. I just wish i could be the warm and fuzzy mom I want to be and provide her with a nurturing homeschooling environment. I feel so crappy right now. Public school sucks, and I am worried about being good/kind/patient/loving enough to justify keeping my girl at home. My husband doesn't like the school either, but he hasn't gotten to the point where he feels ready to let me pull her out yet so I am giving it time just as he requested. I hope for something to change soon!

ETA
When she came home today i asked her what her favorite part of the day was, and she said recess. I asked if she played by herself again today and she said yes... 'but its ok momma I didn't mind'

I asked why she played by herself, if thats what she wanted, and she said no, but 'i can't always get what i want anyway. And everyone else was busy playing with other people'

Edited by sesa70 - 9/10/12 at 2:49pm

[wendelberry]

I hope this situation gets better for you soon!  It sounds really tough.

One thing to think about if you do continue to lean toward homeschooling, is that (depending on where you live) there is a lot of scope for outside time when you're together as a family for the whole day.  We spend so much time at state parks etc. hiking, collecting rocks, leaves, turtle shells, etc. and playing in the creek.  That gives my little ones something to do if one of the older ones wants to come sit with me and chat, plus it wears them out!  

I also came across something else yesterday that made me think of you and this thread.  My older daughter (almost 10) and my son (age 6) were asking about school, how recess works, whether everyone has recess at the same time, etc.  I told them about my experience (just a few grade levels on the playground at a time) and said that it didn't really matter because kids at school don't generally want to play with people older or younger than themselves anyway.  Both kids were totally incredulous at this information.  "You're kidding, right, Mama?"  (This was just after they had spent an afternoon on a mushroom hunt with a teenager and an 8yo and had a fabulous time.)

I guess what I'm saying is that even if you don't feel like your home environment is warm and fuzzy, the option to stay home is only one option!    

Not wanting to pressure you, of course, since it is totally your and your daughter's life-- just want to add some information.

[Shannon Rinckey]

I definitely think you are ready for homeschooling, too. I'm fairly new to the homeschool scene myself, so I have a couple of resources that helped me:

1. Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto

2. Blog post: The Worst Reason to Homeschool by Jamie C. Martin on SimpleHomeschool.net (great site - check it out!)

I love that you want to teach your kids to think for themselves, and not be mindless. You are already way ahead of most people!

All the best!

[Tracy]

Sesa70, you said that if you had your choice you would pull your daughter out and take her to the montessori near your home but it is too expensive.

Why don't you make a deal with them?    They probably could use help.  Maybe they'll give you a big discount if you work a few hours a week in the school.  

[homeschoolingmama]

If I were you, I would start researching homeschooling in your area.  Learn the laws there and get to know the homeschooling community.  You will be surprised how many of us are out there.  I had no idea about homeschooling and I had no idea that people actually taught their kids at home.  I am now part of the community of homeschoolers and there are A LOT of us.  We have about 

300 homeschooling families in our area.  Start talking to them and maybe have a few play times with those kids.  Go to the park and meet the group.  Your kids will get to know them and I am pretty sure the kids will be welcoming.  I can tell a homeschooler from a mile away.  In general, they are themselves.  I remember we were at the park one day and my son was playing on the slide with another boy.  This boy was playing so nicely with my son and didn't mind that he is a bit different.  I observed for a while and thought, This kid seems like he is homeschooled!  Sure enough, he was.  Well that makes sense, I thought.  The kids around us started changing by a certain age when they were in school.  I think it is only natural that they would change because they have to be in survival mode.  In no way do I think PS is horrible but if you put a bunch of kids together they are going to do the dance and figure things out socially.  I do see a big difference between homeschooled and schooled kids.  The kids at home seem more free somehow.  I find a lot of schooled kids stop playing certain games like tag or games like that.  When we are out at a park, the kids my daughters age (grade 5) are now standing in clusters talking.  My daughter is out running, collecting rocks and just being a kid.  I don't think all kids in school are this way of course but I find that in this area, it is the case.  So I do see that kids change when they go to school.  If your daughter starts meeting friends who homeschool I have a feeling she will want to stay home too.  My husband was very hesitant at first but I researched and started hanging around other homeschooling people.  My husband now says that there is no way our kids would be put in school.

Homeschooling isn't hard.  We aren't all perfect moms.  I have a lot of young children and I can yell too.  I get frustrated and feel down on myself for being a bad mom.  The trick is is to apologize t them when you make a mistake.  There are so many different ways to homeschool.  I think most people have had that fear of failing them but it seems you already have the love for your child and the want of a better place for her.  You are already one step ahead.  Good luck mama.  I hope you can find something that works for your family.

[sesa70]

thank you again to everyone. I think right now we are in a sort of holding pattern... This haven't gotten better but they haven't gotten worse.

I have actually spoken with her teacher on multiple occasions and they have agreed to test her in reading, comprehension,science and math in the hopes that we can get her more appropriate services. I want to make sure (for my husbands sake, not my own) that we try everything we can to make the school situation work before pulling her out for homeschooling.

I have to admitt though, I really would prefer to have her home with me. In less than a month I have seen enough of public school to know that even in the best situation it is not a place I want my kids :(