told my parents tonight (UPDATE!) « Back to Group Discussions

[withlittlelungs]

I have been very disconnected this pregnancy, because it wasn't planned. I was really nervous to tell my parents. My dad and I didn't speak for over a year after I told him about being pregnant with DS. 
I was expecting to deal with yelling and insults again, but he was very calm. He was more concerned about me staying in school. 

My mom took it worse than I thought. Her reaction was, "Another grandchild I won't get to see, right?" (we live out of state).
Even though they aren't excited about the baby, telling them has made me feel so much better. I think it has helped break down a wall. I am feeling more optimistic about being pregnant.

Edited by withlittlelungs - 9/7/12 at 3:01pm

[RainGardenMama]

My mother's reaction was disappointing, as well. You're not alone. Sometimes people disappoint us. 

I hope you are able to continue to feel connected to this pregnancy. Have you heard the heartbeat or had an ultrasound yet? I just had my first appointment with our MW and was so delighted to hear the heartbeat, it made a big difference for me. 

[GranolaMama09]

I'm sorry both of your families disappointed you ladies.    My mother wasn't overly thrilled or positive but at least made an effort to hide it.  My father went, "Shi-it!" in the most derisive tone I've heard him use and then continued with how I was too fat to carry a baby.  (My DP is 16 years older than me and my dad has a real problem with it.)  To be fair to my father, his 'fat' comments come from a good place that he wants me to be healthy (my only issues being that I'm obese and have asthma which I've had since I was a child) but they're not well articulated.   They and my BFF are the only ones we've told because of our situation with DP's ex and they're sworn to secrecy.  The only one (including DP) to be excited about the news was my BFF.  DP is starting to get excited now that shock has worn off but it's frustrating when the people we care about don't share our level of excitement.  Hugs all around beautiful mamas!  

[RainGardenMama]

My mother was really trying, in her defense. I just know her so well that I could see through it. And, actually her facial expressions are very revealing so even DH knew.
We share the mortgage of a home with my folks and it fits the 5 of us perfectly but we agreed that another baby means we will either split into 2 homes or buy a larger home to share together. She has a lot of anxiety about what another body means to the household.
She is not shy about that concern, but she also is interested in how I am feeling, helping me with laundry when I feel crummy and dreaming with me about the homebirth we have planned.
Most of the time it is great, sometimes she freaks out in anticipation of all the changes.

Granola- I had issues with my weight for much of my life, it took me a while to become comfortable with my weight. But once I started to love my large body something amazing happened- I started to shrink. Anyway, I am sure your dad has great intentions but someone calling me too fat never ever helped me to lose weight. I wish people could get that!

I am so looking forward to the 2nd trimester! Hopefully I won't be so sensitive. Granola- sorry I got mad at your dad, weight is a hot button for me. I was just really feeling for you there and old feelings came up.

[withlittlelungs]

RainGardenMama- we had our MW appointment on Thursday and got to hear the heartbeat. Hearing it really made a difference for me, but I was still completely stressed about telling my parents. Now that it is all over with I feel much better. My dad even called today to check up on how I was doing (we talk often, but never 2 days in a row). 

My mom is still processing everything, but my sister is being very supportive and that really helps.

GranolaMama09- DP is 7 years older than me and it caused a HUGE problem between my dad and I. My dad has refused to ever meet him. We also have problems with DP's ex, so I sympathize. 
It is definitely hard when people don't share your excitement, but they will get excited. My parents love my son more than anything on the planet, but you never would have guessed that based on their reaction to my pregnancy. 

Hugs mamas!!!
 

[InfiJess]

I'm still terrified about telling either of our parents!!

[GranolaMama09]

Originally Posted by RainGardenMama 

Granola- I had issues with my weight for much of my life, it took me a while to become comfortable with my weight. But once I started to love my large body something amazing happened- I started to shrink. Anyway, I am sure your dad has great intentions but someone calling me too fat never ever helped me to lose weight. I wish people could get that!
I am so looking forward to the 2nd trimester! Hopefully I won't be so sensitive. Granola- sorry I got mad at your dad, weight is a hot button for me. I was just really feeling for you there and old feelings came up.

No big deal sweetie!  My mother gets mad at my dad for it all the time.  I love my body and DP likes 'curvy, nerdy, and dirty' women so I've got no one complaining but my dad.  And honestly, I dropped a TON of waiting after having my DD so I'm not really worried about it.  Between birth and bfing I'm fairly certain I'll be able to reach a slightly healthier weight which is good enough for me even if it'll always be a button for my dad.

[GranolaMama09]

Originally Posted by withlittlelungs 

GranolaMama09- DP is 7 years older than me and it caused a HUGE problem between my dad and I. My dad has refused to ever meet him. We also have problems with DP's ex, so I sympathize. 
It is definitely hard when people don't share your excitement, but they will get excited. My parents love my son more than anything on the planet, but you never would have guessed that based on their reaction to my pregnancy. 

Hugs mamas!!!
 

We had a miscarriage scare yesterday and it was my Dad who was home when I called in panicked tears on the way to the ER.  He was also the one that hurriedly answered the phone later when I called with an update.  I know he's already hooked based on his tone yesterday - this man exists to be grandpa and it doesn't look like my brother will ever procreate.  So the only grandbabies he'll get come from me!  I'm sorry you're able to sympathize - I wish this mess on no one!  My mother loves DP and so do I and it's honestly all that matters.  My dad will get on board eventually.  

[withlittlelungs]

Things are going well with my dad. He is concerned about how I'm feeling/eating but doesn't ask about the baby or anything to do with it (this is normal for him).
My mother is acting like having another baby means that we don't care about DS anymore. She'll say things like, "this doesn't mean you can rush him to grow up" or "you aren't going to take elliott's bed away are you?!" It is really irritating considering that I love DS more than anything on the planet, and could not love anyone more than him. Plus she doesn't approve of us having the baby outside of a hospital setting or not circumcising if it is a boy. It is just a big headache and I wish she would just keep her mouth shut about the whole thing.

[RainGardenMama]

Little lungs- Ugh frustrating about your mom. Are you her only child? Personally, I am aware that i will love this baby similarly to how i love DS, but my love for him is so all encompassing it is difficult to imagine it is even a possibility! My mom assures me it will be fine and says your heart grows. Good to hear about your dad. Sweet to think of him worrying about you and the baby getting enough to eat

Granola- I know what you mean about the tone!! And so sorry about the m/c scare. I saw on another thread you're having a bad week, everything ok now?

[withlittlelungs]

RainGarden- I am not her only child, I have an older sister. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as DS, so I'm sure it is possible to love another baby just as much (thought it is hard to imagine!). I don't know what my mother is thinking. 

[RainGardenMama]

Your mother is NOT thinking

[GranolaMama09]

Agreed your mother is not thinking!

[lbluv20]

My biggest fear is telling my moms parents lol. My mom passed away when I was twelve. Her parents wanted "better" for me then how she lived.they haven't been huge parts of my life (always lived out of state from them) but when I called to tell them I was getting married at 19 they were not exactly pleased..then when 23 calling them to tell them I was pregnant with my first...well my Gran's response was " oh no Angela,you have ruined your life " lol well I' almost 29 now, my husband of of almost ten years and I are now expecting our third. I love being a mom, no I didn't graduate college but I feel ive done really well in life. I haven't told them yet..I think ill just send a card this time lol

[GranolaMama09]

Originally Posted by lbluv20 

My biggest fear is telling my moms parents lol. My mom passed away when I was twelve. Her parents wanted "better" for me then how she lived.they haven't been huge parts of my life (always lived out of state from them) but when I called to tell them I was getting married at 19 they were not exactly pleased..then when 23 calling them to tell them I was pregnant with my first...well my Gran's response was " oh no Angela,you have ruined your life " lol well I' almost 29 now, my husband of of almost ten years and I are now expecting our third. I love being a mom, no I didn't graduate college but I feel ive done really well in life. I haven't told them yet..I think ill just send a card this time lol

I feel ya - my Dad is mad that I'm a SAHM.  He's I'm too smart and constantly pressures me to go back to college.

[withlittlelungs]

Originally Posted by GranolaMama09 

I feel ya - my Dad is mad that I'm a SAHM.  He's I'm too smart and constantly pressures me to go back to college.

Granola, were we separated at birth?!^^^that is my dad exactly.

lbluv20- you sound like you are doing awesome. and I could be on my 10th child, and I don't think I would ever get a positive response from my parents. 

AFM- My mom has started to come around. She even bought the baby an outfit to wear home from the birthing center (we probably won't use it as the coming home outfit, because that is something we wanted to pick out). Today she asked if she could visit after the baby was born and stay with us. I know this is totally a "duh of course!" scenario, but it isn't that simple. She hates DP. She is rude to him. When she visited after we had DS, it started WWIII because she flipped out for no reason. She started saying horrible things about DP and myself, and I had to tell her to get a hotel. It stresses me out when she is here. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that DP won't want her here, but will oblige because she is my mother. I am not going to make the trip to chicago with a newborn and a 2 year old. It is so stressful, and not something I wanted to think about this soon.

[lbluv20]

Originally Posted by GranolaMama09 


I feel ya - my Dad is mad that I'm a SAHM.  He's I'm too smart and constantly pressures me to go back to college.

I wish I knew when being a sahm made you unintelligent. I completely understand the financial need to work as a mom. But, For me, I wanted to be the one raising my kids not having to pay someone else to do it. That was something I just felt very passionate about for me personally. ( i know alot of moms who want to work outside the home, i feel whatever you feel personally about how to be a good mom is each of our own decisions to make and the right choice for us. ) I am currently looking for a job out of need but as soon as we ca n work it out, id like to be with my kids. So even with a degree..Id want to be with them.

[GranolaMama09]

withlittlelungs - Bwhahaha!!!  I'm actually planning to go back to school just to finish my degree but it'll be next fall before it happens most likely.  And ugh - I think it so presumptious of people to buy baby outfits and be all, "Hey, here's the coming home outfit!"  If you choose their outfit for that awesome but to just make that decision arbitrarily irks my noodle.  But, whohoo!  At least she's coming around!  My mothers likes DP and it wouldn't be a 'duh of course' scenario for us either.  Perhaps ask her to only stay for a few days a week or two after baby's born?

[spughy]

As a SAHM who worked her butt off for 15 years to be able to AFFORD to be a SAHM, I'm insulted! (On your behalves, of course.)  I have a degree, I had a good professional career, and I ditched it all happily to stay home with my kiddo. (Kiddos, now!)  My DH and I agreed even before we were married that we'd never get hooked on a dual income so we've always managed it that one of us is home.  He did his stint when he was finishing his PhD and I went back after my maternity leave, but it's been all me for the last 4 years.  Far from wasting my brain, it's given me the opportunity to learn a ton of stuff I never would have had the time for when I was working.  This idea that SAHPs are uneducated slackers totally smacks of uber-capitalist "if you're not contributing to the GDP you're a waste of oxygen" and it's horrible.

[akind1]

We have yet to tell either of our parents. This is baby #3 in 4 years, and not really planned. We live with my parents, and lived with DH's parents when we had #2 (we filed bankruptcy this year, and our prior home has been forclosed) So this is not the best financial time to have a baby. Baby #2 will be only 17 months when baby #3 arrives. My parents I think will actually be ok . . .DH's mom was thrilled when we announced #1, accepted #2 (not excited, but not derogotory either) - she loves baby #2 to death now, of course, but it's taken a while to get her in a really happy place about it, and I think baby #3 will not be anticipated with joy. She thinks 2 kids is more than enough, and has often said she couldn't handle 3 kids (who says we'd leave all 3 with her, ever???)

So we are waiting until #2's first birthday party to announce it officially. I will be 19 weeks and really hope I can continue to hide it from both sets until then. Friends know, work knows, only family and church people do not. I am trying very hard to connect and enjoy this (last) pregnancy, but it's a little hard not talking about it in front of certain people.

Anyway - OP - glad you spilled the beans, and I am glad your Dad is on board!