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relinquishing my ex's rights and my husband adopting my kids

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

I have been divorced for 3 months, I was awarded sole/full custody of my 2 children and my ex husband has NO visitation or custody rights at all. He is not allowed to see them. He has not paid child support since it's been ordered and he has not attempted to keep contact with me. Am I in the right position to get his rights relinquished so that my fiance can adopt my children and change their names? 

 

My ex husband was found in default in our divorce by not responding, he did not fight for any type of custody or visitation for my children. He refuses to pay child support. My kids do not want to see him, they call my fiance Dad and want to have the same  last name as him. Is this possible? Can my exes rights be terminated so that this can be done?

post #2 of 12

You've only been divorced for three months. It seems rather soon to be having a new fiance adopting your children.

post #3 of 12

Eventually, yes.  The period of no support/no contact would have to be much longer than three months.  It varies from state to state.  How long have you been with your fiance that your children are calling him Dad instead of your recently-divorced husband?  That seems odd.
 

post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 

I do not feel that it's 'too soon'. My ex husband and I havent been 'together' for 2 years, we just never filed for divorced, I finally filed and got him out of my life completely. My fiance and I have been together for over a year and he has taken better care of these kids than my ex ever did. He's a drug addict and my kids love my fiance. 

post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 

I have done researching online and abandonment/no contact between 3-6 months is considered abandonment. My fiance and I have been together over a year and he does everything for these kids, he adores them and they adore him. MY parents were together for 6 months when I started calling my 'stepfather' dad, he has been my dad ever since I was 2 1/2. When my son was seeing my ex husband, he never called him dad, he called him by his first name and called my fiance dad. My son has even said that he does not want the last name of my ex, he wants his dads name. My ex is abusive, does drugs and is constantly in trouble. My kids are better off with a mother and father who actually want them and love them. My fiance loves them to death, he would break bones for them. My ex could careless or he would have fought for custody. I just want my kids to grow up with the love, support and father that they deserve, which does not include my ex. 

post #6 of 12

I've been pondering this issue as well.  My situation is similar to yours.  I was granted the divorce by default as XH never responded to paperwork and did not appear in court.  I have full custody of DS.  XH hasn't paid child support in over a year, hasn't spoken to DS in 7 months, and hasn't seen him in over year.  DS calls DH "daddy."

 

I spoke with an attorney and the biggest reason why I am considering relinquishing XH's rights is that in the event of my death, XH would get custody of DS.  That would be so wrong.  greensad.gif

 

I would also be giving up the possibility of XH paying child support...but that isn't happening now anyway.  I'm hesitant to move forward with this because I feel like it's letting XH "off the hook" for his parental responsibilities.  But who is to say that he won't show up 10 or 15 years from now and try to explain his behavior to DS?  Meanwhile, DH will have raised him as his own and been financially responsible.  That would be a slap in the face.

post #7 of 12
Thread Starter 

I have to agree, the fear of my ex getting custody if I died. My ex was ordered to pay c/s over a year ago, then the judge finally ordered it in my divorce. He hasnt paid, he's over $10,000 in debt w c/s. My fiance loves my children. Last year when I was allowing my ex to have visits w my son, he would bail on him, refuse to have holidays w him until he realized I was in a relationship with someone else and it is very serious. He wanted to have time w my kids but always bailed. He now, even after the divorce and he has no visitations, doesnt even ask how they are. He's out homeless, drinking and doing drugs. I feel that he hasnt been a parent at all and he doesnt deserve to have any rights. My fiance wants these kids to be his, he claims them as his, never calls them his 'step' kids. And, about the c/s, if he were to have his rights taken away, I wouldnt care about the money. He doesnt have, never has and never will. It doesnt benefit me or my kids to have any links to him. Do you know what the time length is to be considered 'abandonment'?

post #8 of 12

Boy, we picked a couple of winners, didn't we?  winky.gif  XH owes me over $8K in CS, plus attorney fees and other arrearages.  And even when he was paying CS, he'd go months without speaking to DS.  He wouldn't ask about him, not even a quick text.  He couldn't even be bothered to send a birthday card. 

 

I agree with you about not caring about the money.  I don't need it.  It's the principle to me.  I don't see why he gets to "opt out" of being a parent. 

 

And while I'm glad I don't have to deal with XH, I feel badly for his family.  They are decent people and they are disgusted by how XH has been acting.  He won't even tell his parents where he's living...he either crashes on people's couches or rents a room from a friend or finds some foolish woman to let him move in.    And did I mention he has an MBA in Finance?!?  Yet he can't / won't find a paying job.

 

I absolutely do not understand how someone can willfully give up a relationship with their only child.

 

I did some quick research and I don't know if there's a specific time that is considered "abandonment" in my state.  The attorney I spoke to said I would either need to have him served or prove to the court I made a "diligent search" to try and find him.  I'm still mulling it all over in my head....

post #9 of 12
Thread Starter 

Your ex sounds like mine. Mine lost his job 3 weeks after I served him with divorce papers, he lost his job because he went to his home state to party with old friends, came back and expected to still have his job. He lost his job, apartment and several times crashed his car from drinking. He still owes the courts money and me c/s and I just dont want to bother with it. It's too much stress to worry about because I know  he'll never pay. He sleeps on friends couches and mooches off of other women also, its sick. My kids so are much better for with out, it's sad to say but my so is only 4 and he tells me he is happy he doesnt have to see him anymore. 

I just want to be done with him, so me and my family can get on with our lives, with out his drama. 

 

What state are you from?

post #10 of 12

I guess it depends on if he would fight you on it. My ex has repeatedly gone years without any support or contact but he will never give up control and ownership. I would LOVE to have him legally gone like that and I don't even want a penny from him in child support. But he would fight it and even if the fathers are abusive, losery, etc. if they say to the judge they sincerely want their kids (even it's a lie) the courts will never take away their parental rights.

post #11 of 12

Oh, but I am in CA and I think it's possibly worse here to where both parents keep their rights no matter what they do and how many times they do it. Even if there's a record of them saying again and again they don't want their kids. It is beyond frustrating.

post #12 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbetterley View Post

Your ex sounds like mine. Mine lost his job 3 weeks after I served him with divorce papers, he lost his job because he went to his home state to party with old friends, came back and expected to still have his job. He lost his job, apartment and several times crashed his car from drinking. He still owes the courts money and me c/s and I just dont want to bother with it. It's too much stress to worry about because I know  he'll never pay. He sleeps on friends couches and mooches off of other women also, its sick. My kids so are much better for with out, it's sad to say but my so is only 4 and he tells me he is happy he doesnt have to see him anymore. 

I just want to be done with him, so me and my family can get on with our lives, with out his drama. 

 

What state are you from?

 

I don't even want to know how much CC debt XH has.  I was contacted a couple of times by a debt collector, but I made it VERY clear that those were his debts alone and I have no idea where he is.  Supposedly he sold his car a while ago. 

 

I keep having these false hopes that *someday* XH will pay what he owes me.  But a good friend keeps reminding me that will never happen.  He will ALWAYS have an excuse as to why me / his son don't have priority. 

 

My favorite line of his (which he has repeated to his family) is that "as soon as I have the money, I will pay you CS a year IN ADVANCE!"  Good thing I'm not holding my breath.  ROTFLMAO.gif

 

I'm in GA and that's where the divorce was granted.  Supposedly XH is in PA.

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