Dh and I are faced with a difficult situation and could use an outside perspective. We're so close we can't tell if the ideas we're discussing are over reactions, under reactions, or what.
Ds is 13. He will be 14 in about a month. Up until last week, he had never kissed a girl, or really had much interest in doing so. He tends to be a little oblivious to such concepts, still. He is enrolled in an online high school as an incoming freshman. This is a public school. Every year, the school has an end of summer camping trip for high school students. It lasts 4 days, 3 nights. Families can come with and camps separately, but most students come alone. We were having transportation issues and ds was very anxious for some independence, so we sent him on his own. He flies alone to visit family across the US, so this was not his first time away from us or anything. The parent volunteer in charge of the camping trip connected us with a local family for ds to ride with. I took the extra step of meeting them ahead of time before entrusting my son to their care. They seemed like a really sweet family. Their child was a very quiet 16yr old girl that basically never looked up from her phone the whole time.
They were leaving early in the morning so we dropped ds off the evening before and he slept on their couch. We didn't know, but a 17 (will be 18 the day before ds turns 14) yr old girl was dropped off after ds. The kids were not monitored and the girls spent much of the night sexually harassing ds and trying to coerce him into sexual activities. By the time they left for the camping trip, ds had seen both of them topless, had his first kiss (he's not even sure with which one, as a lot happened with both), and been thoroughly groped. Things only escalated from there. By the end of the camping trip, he had showered naked with both girls alone and at the same time, and quite a lot had happened. There was no oral sex or intercourse, but that's about where the line was drawn. Most of the activity was initiated by the 17yr old. There was also another boy being treated the same way, but with most activity initiated by the 16yr old girl. That boy is 15, and ds was led to believe they began pursuing the other boy when he was around 13 and this kind of thing happens with them very regularly at school events and when the parents allow the kids to spend time together unattended otherwise.
Ds is very confused about what his part in all this was. He started off being shocked and scared and clearly saying no and pushing the girls away. Eventually, he was only saying no to more extreme acts but participating without coersion. He feels guilty and powerless. What transpired was a mixture of him making choices he deeply regrets, and these girls coercing or sometimes physically forcing unwanted acts on him. Both consensual and non-consensual acts - neither of which can be proven. However they began years ago, the acts with the other boy are entirely consensual now.
The only one thing dh and I are sure of and agree on right now is that
1) ds needs to see a therapist asap
2) that he needs to be isolated socially from this group of kids
3) that neither kid will be going to any future school activities without dh or I present
We are brand new to the state and not familiar with local resources. So, we are going to meet with a church leader (hopefully today) about getting a referral to a therapist through the church. The church will most likely help cover the costs, as well. We're not super fundamentalist or anything though - so don't worry that ds is going to be told he's going to hell or something.
Other ideas that have been discussed are
1) reporting the incident to the school
2) reporting the incident to the police/cps
3) discussing the incident with the other children's parents
4) avoiding all contact with the other children's parents
5) moving to a different part of the state (would involve breaking our lease, but we could pull it off. Ds would not have to face these kids at school events 4+ hours away, and honestly neither kid is making friends here because they can't find many kids that don't spend their spare time harming themselves or others)
6) doing right by all the kids involved vs. keeping our heads down, mouths shut, and taking care of our own without regard for others
Ideas and input are welcome.