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Blended Families

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Do we have any other blended families here?  How are the the 'step' children taking it (no offense meant!)?  What about ex-partners?  How is it affecting the pregnancy for you?  Plans to help bring everyone together?


I'm divorced and have a three year old DD with ex-DH1.  He just had a baby with his new fiance and DD is handling it surprisingly well.  She was figured out that Mommy also has a baby in her belly but anyone who hears it puts it off as a confused three year old talking about her new brother.  DP is also getting divorced (they've been separated for a few years) and is finally reaching the point of almost being finalized.  He has an 8 year old son and a 2 year old DD that's he's chosen to love.  The 8 year old is just not getting that his parents are not getting back together (despite years of separation although a large part of that is his mother using him as pawn) and doesn't understand what DP and I living together means.  He just calls me Dad's roommate despite all evidence to the contrary and us telling him that we are a couple.  Luckily, all of our children get along great and genuinely seem to like each other.  My ex-DH1 I think will be truly happy for me.  He knows I wanted a large family and that it was really hard for me when his fiance became pregnant though I never said anything and did my best to be helpful when asked.  We've reached that healthy point in the divorce (most of the time) where we are able to put aside our differences - his only concern is how it'll effect our DD and since he knows from personal experience she will handle it well, he'll be fine.  DP's ex on the other hand is the reason we can't tell anyone.  She's immature and manipulative.  If she finds out then she'll do everything she can to stall their divorce, mess up his life, keep the kids from us, etc.  Just every nightmare thing you can think of for an ex to do in a divorce out of sheer jealousy and spite (she's done it before when she's not gotten her way).  Because of THAT and DSS's attitude toward the whole divorce, I'm really worried how he's going to take it.  DP said he was just fine when his little sister was born but that was different - it was Mom's, kwim?  I love the little guy and I don't know how he's going to take it and I don't want to cause him any hurt.  Of course the two year old won't understand when she's told.  The only thing I can think of to include them is to take them with us to the U/S so they can see the baby and maybe ask him to help look for names?  Honestly, I'm just really down about the whole thing because here's this beautiful little miracle I'm growing and because of other people, I can't share my joy or start helping my family enjoy the coming expansion.  Am I alone in the blended family category here?

post #2 of 4

Sending hugs, Granola. I know how stressful it is to deal with your partner's ex. 
DP's ex flipped out when she found out that we were pregnant with #1 and refused to help pay for a divorce like they had originally agreed upon. She said that the only reason DP wanted a divorce was because we were pregnant. They do not have a relationship now, and only communicate via text when something comes up about picking up DSD. The ex doesn't inform DP of anything with his daughter regarding school/life, but makes sure that she stays close with members of his family to keep a divide in the family. (sorry i'm bitter).

We just found out that she is 7 months pregnant (she told DSD not to tell us, but she is way too huge to hide it), so she really can't say anything about our pregnancy.
DSD was extremely excited when she found out that we were pregnant with her brother, but I don't expect her to be as happy this time around. Since her mom is having a baby and she lives there 95% of the time, I think she will be more excited for that baby. Plus, DS was her first sibling and so this might just be old news for her. 

I really hope your partner's ex doesn't flip. I know how stressful it is to keep it in and live in fear of what this woman will do to try and ruin your lives. I also hope that the kids will take it well (I'm sure they will!) 

post #3 of 4

Granola I'm so sorry. It must be so stressful to deal with someone like that.


My ex and I have been divorced for 4 1/2 years, and we have always been pretty cordial with each other. Although he was very controlling and manipulative when we were together, obviously why I left while he was at work, he has been forced by me to keep a cap on it (I refuse to talk to him if he's yelling and screaming at me.). Niether of us would keep the children from each other, they have nothing to do with our differences. And they need us both in their lives. I told him during a pick up that I was pregnant when I was only 5 weeks. He simply said "Wow! Congratulations!" Then I told him I was doing a home birth and he said it was about time and he hoped it all went well. But we are in a place that most divoreced people get to after years. Our kids have always been fully behind the divorce and DS2 remembers even now how much we fought and how stressed out it made him.


It's a real bummer that your DP's ex is such a control freak, and that she'll use the kids (Something that will totally come back to bite her in the ass when those kids are old enough to understand!!), I have known friends that have had things like that happen to them, and it is so frustrating! Not only is it extremely childish but those poor young children are being slammed right into the middle of a shit storm! The 8 year old is confused, and she is the catalyst for it, who knows what she is telling him while they are with her, but you can bet its not good! I do not for the life of me understand women like this. I mean, seriously, why would they want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with them??! He will never be happy living with her, and for some insane, immature reason she thinks that if she can win him back, suddenly it will be happily ever after... Like get a gip lady! He doesnt like you, and you, acting like a 3 year old in Walmart not allowed to get a bag of M&M's, is not helping anyone!!!


OY!!! Sorry, this really bugs the crap out of me! Immature women is the number 1 reason I have very few girlfriends. It blows my mind how some of them act, and whenever I hear stories it makes the hair on my neck stand up on end...


Good luck to you, Granola. I really hope nothing to insane goes down when she gets whiff of your pregnancy. I would say hide it from DSS for as long as possible, the closer your DP can get to a finalized divorce, the better.  Oh, and please, for the love of Pete, have him get the kids on a court ordered schedule. Than she can't screw him over!  

post #4 of 4

We haven't told me DSS (7 next month) or his mother yet.  I think she'll be a little sad since before the divorce they really tried for another and had a couple non-sticky ones.  But I think she'll be overall happy for us.  (Fingers crossed.)  I know DSS always says he wants a sibling, but I don't know how he'll be with a baby (right now he's been HORRIBLE with the animals...)

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