Worried about my 12 year old son...

[paisleypoet]

I haven't been here for a while, but I have missed it!

Things are moving really fast right now and I am overwhelmed and worried sick. My son has been acting like a normal pre-teen, moody and spending more time alone than before, etc. I found out he had a Twitter account, so I snooped. I didn't even really feel bad about it, because he's 12 and the Internet can be dangerous. I found out that he totally identifies as gay. This was not a surprise to me, but I was still a bit surprised that he is so confident and sure of himself. I didn't say anything about reading this, but gave him a lecture about internet safety, using his real name, not giving out personal info, etc.

Then one day he got a Skype call on his iPod from a boy (all of his friends are girls), and I confronted him about it. He told me it was a friend that he met on Omegle chat, but he said he doesn't go on there anymore. I had a serious talk with him. He swore he didn't give out personal information, stuff like that. But he's so young...and we live in a small town and I am sure he is looking for some other people like him. But I am worried sick that he is going to look in the wrong place.

I also snooped at his Facebook when he left it open, and found some messages he shared with another boy. They were just friends, and my son was comforting this boy because he and his boyfriend broke up. It was innocent enough, but I am worried that he is looking for something too serious, too young, and he is too vulnerable and naive. It scares the crap out of me. I just saw that he was on Omegle again (he doesn't know how to erase the computer's history).

I have not told him that I know he is gay. He knows that I am very open-minded and we have always talked about how there is nothing wrong with it. I have never discouraged him from being whoever he is. He has joined cheerleading at the high school this year, and he feels confident and strong enough to not care that people are going to pick on him. He is the first boy ever at this small school, and he loves it.

I just didn't realize I would have to worry about sexual things with him so quickly.

Is there a safe place he can go online and talk with other kids? Maybe even other gay kids? I can't let him go to random chat rooms. I think the best thing is to realize why he is doing this and help him be safe about it.

[AAK]

I don't know about your specific questions, but wanted to respond about the facebook.  My dd also has a facebook account.  For this priviledge, she needed to "friend" me.  She also knows that I will log on to her page (I know her password, but rarely need it because the computer 'remembers' her) occassionally.  To be honest, she logs on to mine also--the other computer 'remembers' me.  My point is that monitoring facebook doesn't need to be something to sneak around with or feel guilty about.  Let him know that you will sporadically check his facebook and make sure that he is staying safe online.  

If I were you, I would check into whatever is available in your area that supports gay children/families/etc.  I would go (without your son at first) and visit with the people to see if they have any advice.  

Amy

[paisleypoet]

Thanks. I will do some looking.
 

[zebra15]

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2  this links to PFLAG  

What I would do is keep the communication open with your DS.  I wouldn't 'snoop' his accounts on the internet but like a PP said, 'friend' him on facebook and others.

I think PFLAG has local chapters and meetings.  I would start there and see if they can suggest support for teens.  PFLAG should have a list of individual counselors that work with families in your situation as well.

[zebra15]

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=537

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=803

a couple more links for you from PFLAG

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Resources&Template=/ContentManagement/HTMLDisplay.cfm&ContentID=28243

http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

[paisleypoet]

Thank you, thank you for these!
 

[zebra15]

Ive been thinking about you and your family.  I hope everyone is doing ok.  If you need to chat, I'm on here almost daily and can get PM's.

HUGS!

[singin'intherain]

Other than making sure he's safe on the Internet, I don't think you have anything to worry about, at least from what you say. Puberty is puberty, and he's going to start exploring. Maybe you could start the safe sex, when you're sure you are ready talks, and see if that gets him to open up about his orientation. But honestly, he sounds like he has a pretty good handle on the whole being gay thing. If his comfort level with being perceived as gay is an indication, I think he has all the fortitude and common sense to get through his first experiments with the "same sex" safely.

[paisleypoet]

Thank you so much everyone. I have had a talk with him, and although it was hard to get started, it went well, and I feel a lot better. The main thing I am worried about was the Internet safety. I discussed my worries with him, but assured him that I love him no matter what and he can always talk to me. He seemed more relaxed and happy after the talk.