I'm fostering newborn twins. Obviously, caring for newborn twins is challenging enough, but doing it as a foster mom is bringing up all these emotions. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation but I'm having strong urges for more certainty than fostering allows. I never have urges to have my own biological kids except when the kids I'm fostering might be removed from my care. I just crave the permanency and certainty that having biological children allows.
I would love to adopt these little guys but it's looking like the system is badgering a biological relative into taking over their care. She's not all that interested (has already taken over a month to "decide" what to do and still hasn't decided) and I know it's not truly in these children's best interests to move in with her (since there is zero scientific evidence that suggests children are "better off" with biological relatives like aunts or uncles than with an adoptive family). And if we can't adopt them then I want them out of our home so we can move forward with our lives.
I know that's not how the system works and I also know that a super-fast transition isn't in the best interests of the babies. Im also committed to foster-adopt because I tuly believe this is the most ethical way to build a family. I have a hard time rationalizing bringing children into a world where there already exist so many children who need permanent parents and homes. But I just really crave certainty. And thus I have a rather intense desire to get pregnant.
Of course, if I did get pregnant, the timing would be terrible. What if we were allowed to adopt these twins, then what? I'd have way too many toddlers at one time. I would probably need some sort of medication ;) At the same time, if I don't get pregnant really soon then the window for that option will close. Already, we have fertility issues and would have to use sperm donation or IVF anyway. I don't really want bio children anyway, it's just... I want certainty.
Any other foster mothers go through this? What do you do about it?