My husband is a smoker. Usually the pattern is bumming cigarettes from friends, buying his own, to quitting and going through a bad mood, then nothing until he is around smokers again and starts bumming. I try not to hound him, but congratulate him when he's doing well, and the smoking is usually not an issue. Even when he's buying his own, he's smoking much less than he used to, and he doesn't want to be smoking when the baby arrives.
The problem is the emotional struggles whenever he quits. Last week a coworker talked him into breaking the rest of the cigs in the pack and throwing them out. Which is great! but he's been extra grumpy because of it.
Sunday, we went to a newborn class at the hospital, which started early (earlier than I make it into work!) and was 5 hours long.
Now, I was a HUGE coffee drinker before pregnancy. Gave it up cold turkey when we got the positive, then my doc said she's a believer of moderation. I still was too nauseous to consider it first trimester but got back into the habit in second. Did my research, and found reliable sources that stated below 200-300 mg a day was all right. I started off not drinking it every day, but lately, it probably is every day. Almost always well below 200 mg, with the exception of maybe 2 days a month (but still under 300).
Because it was early and a long class, I got a medium iced coffee, self serve, so I filled up the whole thing with ice then poured the already cold coffee over it. I know from looking up values previously, the same thing at Dunkin Donuts would be within my acceptable range, but as it was a different shop (Au Bon Pain) I knew it could be a little different. I knew it was a splurge, and planned on not having any other caffeine, even iced tea, the rest of the day.
After the class, initially my husband was in a great mood. By the time we got to lunch at the diner, he was upset. He said he was really upset seeing me drink the "huge" coffee. And of course I had said something about the baby being active during the class, which he feels was a result of the coffee. He knew he was being more emotional than he should about it, and he actually did more research right there on his phone as he held back tears (he is not one to cry often!!) He also felt bad for telling me how he felt.
I apologized, waited, when he was a little clearer headed I explained how I estimated the caffeine and didn't plan on more that day, etc. That the baby does those same antics in the evening when I haven't had any caffeine in 12 hours. I said I don't have it every day, when lately it usually has been, but I didn't have any today out of guilt. He knew this, but was really freaked out by it, and just needed time to get over it.
Today, he's telling me not to microwave food in plastic containers. (I don't often, but there are times I do)
I can imagine as hard as navigating the do's and don't's is for me, it's even harder for him when he's not the one in direct control of the choices. But I am frustrated that instead of explaining why and trying to get me to see his point of view that he's just asking me - though at least he did say please.
The thing is my gut reaction is to rebel when someone tries to tell me what to do. And I am very aware of trying to not tell him what to do or not to do (ie smoking, or when he complains about gaining weight but makes routinely bad choices, like crazy amounts of soda, or having bacon on a roll every single morning along with several other things, but he just doesn't get that bacon is not the best "everyday" choice).
So it's frustrating. :( I think he's a little freaked out about being a first time dad, the baby being healthy, and I don't want him to blame me for anything going wrong. But I'm worried about watching my every single step around him now. I just hope he keeps up with the quitting smoking (I say this each time) because this is always the worst part :(
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