I'd say herbs are only slightly better than medication in many situations, so I'm no help in that regard.
My advice would likely be similar to what you've already heard or read:
yoga, tai chi, light exercise, medication, taking time to do calming things that you enjoy, eat lots of potassium (bananas, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, peas, etc), no caffeine, reduce sodium intake, make sure you're getting enough sleep
Hope you feel better
My blood pressure ALWAYS goes up when I go to the doctor's office- even if it's just too see my midwife. She had me start taking it at home before I went to the office. Have you tried taking it at home when you're relaxed? Sorry if that's not helpful- I had a Physician try to bully me on blood pressure meds a few years ago because it was always high when I went to the office. Meds are great and useful if you need them, but I did not need them and she wouldn't listen to me. I worked at a hospital at the time and had the RN I worked with take my bp at different times during the day so I could prove to the doctor that it was just the doctor's office making me anxious. She finally backed down, but I still found a new doctor.