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wondering if there is a place to talk about guilt over circ?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

We circumcised DS, because I had no idea of the repercussions. I just thought that everyone did it and that it was no big deal (I know how stupid that sounds). 
I am pregnant again, and I don't know what we are having. If it is a boy we will leave him intact. I like by the "know better, do better" motto, but I still feel HORRIBLE that I didn't research with DS. 

I didn't know if there were any other parents who have made this mistake, too? 
If this isn't the proper forum to post this in, just let me know!

post #2 of 8

There is a thread about circumcision regret here! You can post your thoughts and read the thoughts of other moms. Glad to hear you'll keep the rest of your sons intact!!!

post #3 of 8

(((hug)))  I'm so sorry!  You are not alone.  This is the thread that Michelle mentioned. 

post #4 of 8
Thread Starter 

thank you for pointing me in the right direction, ladies!

post #5 of 8
You're welcome to post in the thread mentioned already, but I think it's also fine to post in this thread, if that feels better. smile.gif
post #6 of 8

I am sorry for the loss you and your son experienced. I am glad that you will keep other boys intact.


May I ask, who could have made a difference? Would you have needed to hear from your health care professional? Or would you have been receptive to a friend or family member? What about an intactivism card strategically placed along your path? A empathic stranger? What would have inspired you to research it more?


For me, I was lucky to have one person mention it, so I learned and was HORRIFIED about the processs. But some are so headstrong pro-circ - I find it rather difficult to talk to people about. I lost a close relationship with my sister over - foreskin.


How can those in the know, help those in the dark?  BTW, also sorry that no one found the courage to try to speak to you about it, mama.

post #7 of 8

Thank you for posting this!  I've heard mention of such a thread, but hadn't found it.


I often wish I had had anyone, anywhere, at any time tell me that it was ok not to circ - at the very least! Learning what I now know (more about anatomy, function, etc.) has only made my regrets and sorrow deepen.  There is not a day I don't think about it.  Especially because...we kept postponing it, it didn't feel right to us...how could our perfect baby boy need alteration?  But the response from friends, family and doctors was SO overwhelming pro-circ, and having dating almost exclusively circ'ed men (and worrying about DS' future love life - a fear, I think, that is becoming even less warranted by his generation, as more babies are left intact - and of course, now I know that ironically, circumcision negatively affects his love life!), and not being familiar with care...I just gave in.

We chose a pediatric urologist, made sure he had all pain meds available, we held his little hands and I nursed him right after...but I WISH I had had the courage to fly from that room with him, when they first began to separate his foreskin.  It was the most horrific experience of my life.  I will never forget it or forgive myself.  Cultural norms are hard to shake, yes, but it was just so traumatic, there really are no excuses.  I don't think most people even KNOW how horrendous it is, because most people aren't present to witness it!!! Not that the aftermath isn't awful, too.  I just can only imagine that our practice of doing it at birth behind closed doors doesn't help. Or else, most harden their hearts in the manner of CIO and other culturally normal baby practices (none of which we do, thank god).  


Needless to say, if we ever have another boy, I'm in the same boat as the OP.  As soon as it was over, I told my husband in no uncertain terms, through my tears, that we are NEVER EVER doing that to another child! 

post #8 of 8
Deleted, it felt too personal... but you are not the only one with this regret!!
Edited by crunchy_mommy - 9/19/12 at 7:57am
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