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Anyone else not use babysitters? (long vent) - Page 2

post #21 of 27

 We are ones who rarely use "babysitters" and the only ones who were ever chosen were grandparents or our best friend and is 19y/o son.  My son will be 6 in Novemeber.

That said...I know that when he is with any of them he will likely get candy/junkfood etc...BUT...with 99% of his time with us you know what?  In most cases he will choose healthy foods.  He refuses to eat non-natural peanut butter-he hates it, and wonderbread sucks...he doesn't like dips and things for his veggies he just likes them raw and plain.  He will complain to my mom that it isn't like how I make things.  Sure he loves candy....but candy isn't off limits (we generally save it for Saturday and he knows this) and chips etc. 

The way I look at it is that the occassional additional piece of non-healthy food won't be detrimental to him...plus he gets lots of grandparent time.  I loved my time with my grandparents and looking back am sad that I didn't spend more time with them when I could.  Sure I remember being able to have lots of penny candies and ice cream and everything else I couldn't usually have but you know what my favourite memories are?  Learning to peel potatoes and apples with a paring knife, picking raspberries for her to make pie, learning how to make butter tarts, learning lots of  ways to make potatoes as my grandpa had to have potatoes with every meal, playing games and doing puzzles with her, learning the basics of knitting and embroidery.  Everytime we have raisin bread I think of my grandparents, when we have KFC I think of the big (huge) family gatherings we would have in the summer with KFC being the easy choice.  When I have welsh rarebit I think of my other grandmother same thing goes with homemade cocoa.  Scotch mints make me think of my one grandpa who always, always had a bag of them in the house.  Homemade coconut cream pie is my favourite pie...my grandma made the best. 

 

I would never sacrifice my son's memories and learning opportunites just because he might spend a day eating garbage food and doing things we might choose not to do with him.  Unless it is endangering (I installed his car seat) him then I let them have fun and build memories together.

post #22 of 27
The way I read the original post it sounded like the memories her child(ren) would be getting aren't necessarily so pleasant. And it would seriously depend on why the candy or whatever is being given. My son gets migraines from sugar (and artificial things), and my parents didn't accept or respect my choice to keep such things away from him (before we knew it was a migraine problem). And they weren't very accepting when he was older and declined the foods himself (politely, I might add).

I'm not sure if the OP has a similar circumstance or not, but if she has concerns about leaving her child with anyone, for any reason, she should respect those instincts.
post #23 of 27
We live very far away from any family members. If I need a break for my sanity or physical health, or even just someone to watch the kids so I can get dental work done or something, I have to rely completely on my DH (who sometimes has to take PTO from work for things like that) or pay a babysitter. We moved to a new area a few months ago, so we haven't yet found a regular, trusted babysitter. I am desperately looking. I have high hopes for a mother's helper I am planning to hire next week. But any help we get will be very limited because we can't afford to pay someone more than a couple hours a week.

So to answer your question, no, we don't typically use babysitters because it's not currently an available option to us.

Humans were not meant to raise children without the help of extended family--it can take a huge toll. I know you only have one child so maybe you haven't yet come up against your own limitations. But from my point of view, I think you should consider yourself and your child VERY fortunate to have a grandparent within driving distance who actually wants to spend time with the child. It is a huge blessing!

I second what others said--that this issue is not about babysitters. It's about a lack of appropriate boundaries and communication with your mom. If your mom can't be trusted alone with your kid, don't leave her alone with your kid. Not every grandmother makes a good babysitter, and maybe you should just see her as a family instead of sending the kid alone with her.

But don't assume that everyone is in the same position as you. And that they send their kids off with relatives they don't trust, because they just don't value their family--sheesh! Do you know how bad you'd make someone feel if they work full time and their kid goes to day care (even if it's a wonderful daycare and they're happy with the decision) to know that you are judging them for it and assuming they "didn't want a family?"

I'm really missing my own mom right now and wishing that having her babysit were an option for me, not for 12 hours but maybe like, 4. I haven't been on a real date with my husband in 3 years, and I would like to. I don't think having that wish makes me a lesser mom.
post #24 of 27

I've been thinking about this and one thing I've noticed about my own situation is that someone is probably watching DD for 3-4 hours at a time 8 times a month. 3-4 of those times are her grandparents and it's because they want her, not  because I need her to go somewhere. When I need someone to watch her it's usually during the day and my parents still have jobs, so I have to use sitters.

 

Most sitters dont give junk food and candy because babysitting is their job and they are aware that sugar makes kids intolerable. Plus, they have no emotional need from the child. They arent striving to be the favorite, or be the one to first introduce them to something, etc. They are there to watch your kid, and sometimes they give treats, but not so often.

 

Most grandparents love to give kids sugar. Everyone knows grandma lets kiddo have way more cookies than mom ever would. It's an age-old problem.

 

This is the primary reason I prefer paid babysitters to our parents.

post #25 of 27
Quote:


This is the primary reason I prefer paid babysitters to our parents.

Agreed. I personally prefer a paid sitter because they care for my children the way I want my children to be cared for. Especially for younger children, I want very specific things in terms of food, sleep assistance, and play.

 

My mom is fine and loving and she doesn't overindulge and is fine asking about specific behaviors. But she is kind of a lump on the couch with little kids. She is better with older children who need less active care. But she would also be loving towards someone who cried for six hours or was seriously ill. She has reserves and doesn't panic.

 

My MIL is a totally different story. She loves them dearly and they love her but it is always boundary-pushing, junk shoving, and control-needing behavior that is as much as about having her needs met as meeting the needs of the kids. She is unpredictable and will panic about things and feel the need to control (freaking about minor fevers and get medicine at the wrong dose without consulting us, etc.).

post #26 of 27
I haven't read everything, but what about having her watch him in YOUR house, this way it is your food, no pills lying around and just plain safer. You could limit the time to 2 hours, or just long enough to go on a mini date and connect alone as adults?
post #27 of 27

Wow a lot of people read way into this post. I know what you are going through and my son is only 9 months. My mil takes him away from me as much as possible and hides away with him. One time I caught her showing him youtubes of sexy toddlers in bathing suits. Sure he wont remeber. I don't care. I can only imagine the huge fallout we will ahve when he NEVER stays with her.

 

Your mother is manipulative and usuing her "headaches" as punishment for you not letting her have her way with your kid. I would tell her she can't watch your son since she has been so unwell and if she gets a "headache" when hes  with her she might get too overwhelmed.  I don;t know what all of these people are talking about memories and stuff. Your son will be manipulated by her when he visits and you bet your butt he will remember it.

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