DP and I discussed this as our "window" in which we were willing to try for another depending on finances, etc... DS is 14 mos, and I really liked the idea of a 2 yr age gap because it has been so great for my older two. They're teenagers now, and have been best friends virtually all of their lives.
Anyway, so we had talked about trying, but we weren't. The pregnancy caught us off guard, and it hasn't totally sunken in yet. DP is in transition at work, and finances aren't near what our goals were before we thought we'd try for another child. I feel like I might get some backlash for having a fourth baby, especially when we're not all that well off (we've actually had to accept help from our parents this year, I'm ashamed to say).
Also, while the two year space has been wonderful for my girls, having a newborn and a two year old was really difficult, and it was hard on DD1 to have to give up so much attention when her sister was born. Granted, my XH was no help at all, so I was the only one caring for them, but DS is so much more needy and mommy attached than either of my girls ever were, and even with a caring and helpful partner, I am scared of how this will affect him.
Rather than excitement over a new baby, I feel like I'm mourning the impending loss of DS's babyhood, and I'm scared of the extra strain this will put on my relationship with DP. This hasn't been an easy year for us, and though we are doing well right now, we've had some awful fights. DP says he's excited, but more worried, and definitely not as excited as he was when we found out about DS.
So over all, I am just not feeling positive about this pregnancy. I can't relate to the happy posts I keep reading from excited moms. I dread telling my family & friends. I don't want to lose my body again. How do I change my attitude? What's wrong with me?