I don't know where to turn

[Stoneblot]

My name is Misty and I have an almost 4 year old son and a 1 year old son. I love them with all my heart, but my problem is me.

I feel like I am inadequate and they deserve better than me. I feel horrible saying this, but I can't stand to be around them anymore. I am a stay at home mother and the same thing day in and day out is killing me. I have tried new anti-depressants , which was horrible, and I am now on day 2 on progesterone cream. I can't stop dreading the week ahead of me and the constant mommy, mommy, mommy! And my discipline, well I don't know how to do that. My 4 year old does not listen to me. I have to sleep in his bed every night and when (not if) he wakes up in the middle of the night and I'm not there he cries LOUD and wakes up my 1 year old. HELP!!!!  I have no help other than my hubby and I need advice. I want to whole heartily enjoy my children as well as having the upper hand. I have been late on my period by weeks for 7 months. That is why I started the progesterone. I am overwhelmed. Someone, anyone.... I NEED ADVICE.

Much love,

Misty

[tangledblue]

Couldn't read and not reply! First of all, know that you are worthwhile and a good mother -- because you are trying and you sound like you know that you need some help, just like everyone does at one time or another.

Four is a hard age and one is just a lot of work. First of all, do you get any time to yourself? It sounds like your husband needs to step up and make sure that you get adequate rest and some time to do what you want...take a walk, go get a pedicure, even just go grocery shopping alone.

Maybe everyone would benefit from having your four year old enroll in some sort of preschool? He sounds like he has a lot of energy and maybe just needs a positive focus?

Our 4 y.o. was really pushing bedtime boundaries too and we developed a chart -- she gets a star if she goes to bed without stalling & getting  up all night, etc.   It is working so far. The reward after 12 stars is a movie (she doesn't get much screen time so this is a powerful incentive.)  It sounds like your sleeping arrangement is really not working for your mental health, so take charge, be consistent, and trust that your child WILL adjust if you do it with love. Explain to him that you are not getting enough sleep and it makes you grouchy. Even at 4 they can start to understand that. Maybe offer a special lovey or something "magic" that he can focus on when he wakes up?

Good luck, I hope things get better for you...please update.   :)

[Key31]

It sounds like you need a break. I am a working mother but I am a teacher. when I am home all day with my chidlren in the summer, I sometimes feel overwhelemed as you are describing. I prefer to be a working mother, because being home with the children all day is the hardest job out here.  Depending where you live, some churches have short preschool classes for both your children.  I live in GA and we have many churches that are inexpensie that keep the children for about 4 hours a day.  If that is not an option, then do you have friends you trust nearby to help out.

Also, try and start with stern and consistent discipline with both children. This is very important, because if you do not, you could snap and lose it.  The four year old came to time out in a room. If you are not already, get a nap schedule for them and put them to bed at a certain time, and at night when he cries for you to come in the room, do not go, let him cry it out (as long as he's okay).  He will realize that you are not going to give into him and he will get used to sleeping by himself.

Basically, in order to be a great caretaker, you need to take care of yourself first.

[hallice]

Discipline is exactly what I feel the children need, do not hesitate to be strict (in loving way of course). children often want and ask for limits to feel more secure. And also take a break yourself.
 

[doulawoman]

I'm feeling much the same way with my 2.5 yo and 8 mo. It's crazy. I'm nursing both. My dh is working all the time. You're not alone!

[tangledblue]

OP, how are you doing?

[blessedwithboys]

OP, I hope things are looking up for you this week.  :)

Originally Posted by Key31 

Also, try and start with stern and consistent discipline with both children. This is very important, because if you do not, you could snap and lose it.  The four year old came to time out in a room. If you are not already, get a nap schedule for them and put them to bed at a certain time, and at night when he cries for you to come in the room, do not go, let him cry it out (as long as he's okay).  He will realize that you are not going to give into him and he will get used to sleeping by himself.

Basically, in order to be a great caretaker, you need to take care of yourself first.

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