OK, so an update. I *knew* that the OB would have some challenges in that he would want to make sure I knew exactly what I was getting into with a V2BAC.
He was very good, very personable, remembers doing the section on my 2nd baby (3 1/2 yrs ago) as there was a little drama leading up to it with another OB who dismissed me at the hospital saying I wasn't a candidate for an immediate section (turns out I was and Blake came into the world within an hour after seeing the new ob). I do have a lot of respect for him as he has a great bedside manner, supports the choices of women, and is professional yet warm.
But he did have to do his job in explaining what can happen in labour of a V2BAC. And what the chances of uterine rupture are compared to women without having had a section or just one section. (very slight with none, 1/1000 with 1 and between 1/200 and 1/500 with a second) He was explaining there is no way to know leading into labour or even in labour if and when a rupture could occur. He can measure the scar thickness a thousand times but it still just depends on how a woman does throughout labour. If it happens, it happens. And when it does, often they don't know as there aren't a lot of signs that develop really quickly.
But when they figured it out there are only minutes to get me into surgery due to complications with the baby and me. Everything could go fine or there could be serious challenges - death of baby, maternal death, hysterectomy, major blood loss, etc. etc.
He did say that if he had a choice, he would always choose vaginal over section, barring there are no complications. Even if one section has happened in the past, he would suggest a VBAC over a section. But, he said, you have possible serious more likely complications than a woman with no or one sections. (which I knew)
He said "I don't want to fear you into making this decision but I think it's only fair that you know all of the potential challenges...."
Well, now I totally have fear. Not totally, but I"m only 80% sure I want to do a VBAC and 20% of me is worried that if something does go wrong, then I would feel incredibly guilty. Especially if something happens to my baby. :( I was 100% VBAC before talking to him and I don't blame him (he was doing what I expected, his job) but I'm definitely wavering now. And that makes me upset too.
I'm so conflicted. My DH, upon hearing this, wants me to make the decision as it is my body but he doesn't understand why I would even risk it. I still like my odds but I'm worried that even if I did go into labour, every pain I would wonder if that is my uterus having challenges and am I or my baby in danger. That feeling of "what if" would linger the whole time. And I'm wondering how much of a distraction that would be in labour - my guess is a major one. With my daughter, I made it to 7 cm and stalled for 7 hrs. Then she was a serious emergency section when we transferred from home to the hospital. If I were to stall again at 7 cm, I think in the back of my head the thought of "omigod, what if something happens now" would still be there.
I realize I"m totally acting and thinking on the "what if" and "fear" right now. Which I always talk to people about NOT doing. Make decisions based on facts and what your heart says, but not by the fear that someone has instilled in you based on their experiences.
Ugh....I would love some thoughts, ladies. Any advice/help/words of wisdom would be appreciated. I'm going to check out the VBAC page too and post this so that people who have done this can give me their experiences. Thanks for listening/reading this long post!!