I have no family around me...I have no friends that live in the area...I live in a very rural area and I have a 2 and 4 year old. So I get it. I really do. (I'm also not light and bubbly...)
1. sleep. I know you wanna swear right now but it is amazing what 8 hours will do...shoot, it is amazing what a consistent 6-7 hours will do.
2. find something that isn't tv or computer or internet, you know, and just do that for about 45 min after your daughter goes to bed. Do something that is for you...not her...so (unless it is your greatest passion in life) don't make toys or clothes for her...learn to make jewelry and make yourself a necklace...learn to weave a purse...that sort of thing
3. when she is down for a nap...take that time to gather your forces and strength...superman gets his power from the yellow sun...green lantern has his magic power ring that is refueled by willpower...that means you have to do both! Nap time is not a time to empty the dishwasher or mop the floor. It is a time to sit in the still and quiet and read a book (try to have it be not a parenting book), drink some tea, and yes, some days cry your eyes out. Your house will be messier. This will help build antibodies! So it is, in fact, a good parenting choice. ^_^ Part of what is so obnoxiously frustrating is that the two of you are moving at two different speeds and with two different goals. Ah-Ha! that's the trick...
No one will know if you live out of the laundry basket for a little while...no one will know if that bra is one day too dirty...no one will care if the socks don't match...and no one will know if your sheets & towels go an extra day or two...or week. But your daughter will know those minutes made a difference and your soul will too.
4. Just hold on tight...just a little bit more, Mama. Your life is about to change...in this situation for the better (here...lemme save the questions later...any problem you will face in the near future will be solved by food, sleep...or she's sick...seriously...that is the secret to a two year old! and the tantrums? pish posh...it's drama...if you don't watch the show, it gets cancelled!) But the beauty of a 2 is that....drum roll...they can dust...they can help clear the table...they can carry dirty clothes to the washer...they can start to play on their own...they can read a book to you...they can tell you what cool stuff is inside their weird heads! They can say (without sounding like a parrot) those magic words, "I'm sorry mama...I love you" and actually mean it. It is very exciting.
5. Find groups...many are free because we all suffer and we tow the line, sister. Library story hour (float to different libraries as some will be geared to your child others not so much), find the local mama group and set up playdates at the park or the museum or the grocery store. I know getting out of the house is hard. Take the time to pack a fool-proof diaper bag (if you want mine, let me know) and treat it with respect. give yourself plenty of time...I literally have a clock set in my house 1 hour ahead. that is how long it takes me to get shoes on everyone, diapers changed, potty time, snacks in the bag, and then driving (20 min). then assume you will leave anywhere in 45 minutes. Be home before 1 or 2 and you will be good to go.
6. schedule one to two days where you do not leave the house. One of those should be a day where you do no housework...maybe rinse some plates and put in the dishwasher...left over and freezer night. This is why breakfast cereal is fortified. pb&j is just delightful.
7. some days you are sure that they will come and drag your kid away because you yelled or cursed or locked yourself in the bathroom and cried or waited until you could be in the same room. You will at these moments understand why some animals eat their young and realize that you were perhaps a little too judgemental on that crocodile. (I highly recommend Louie CK's comedy on parenting stuff as it is just...right on perfect!) CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK. What is so frustrating is that you (maybe) think you can't be angry...well, you can...you just have to learn where to put it since this person is all id and so narcissistic she won't be able to handle it. Some times...she goes into the pack and play or whatever (sometimes a room with sharp objects) and you leave that room and you find your calm again. As my friend said to me, "just because you love them doesn't mean you can't hate them from time to time" The trick is to be angry and the master of your voice. Your kid is getting a phd in you...it will take about 3 years (it's an accelerated program). Part of having an operator's manual on mom is knowing how to reboot the system. They need to know where the line is and why you don't cross it. My kids know...don't wake me up unless you are dying. They found out because they woke me up 500 hundred times.
I guess what I'm trying to say...to keep the resentment at bay...be honest about your emotions. When you are angry be angry. When you are frustrated be frustrated. don't put on the fake voice and pretend it is all okay. I know it hasn't come up like this but she can see my 2 year and I recently had a talk that went like this: "are you angry, mama?" "yes." "are you angry at me?" "no. I am angry with your behavior." otherwise you end up teaching your little one to repress her feelings and not be honest with herself. You ignoring you teaches her not to value you or herself. And I get it...if you could clean for just 25 more minutes it would be all done and the house would look better and you would feel better about you...yea...I get it...but you can't. you can't because it is just you right now. Let it go with conscious intent and it will feel better that you didn't vacuum or wash the dishes. It won't always be like this.
You are loved. and you are important. The silly things you do that seem to have no meaning and value are CRUCIAL to your family and to you.
(if you have the money, hire a cleaning person...shop around...at least 1 day per month...or get a mommy's helper at least 1x per month often times it is that little bit that helps.)
I hope this helps...sorry it is so long.