Adoption and choosing the sex of your child - Page 2

[marsupial-mom]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Marsupialmom--my turn to be curious. Is there a reason international adoption is off the table for you?

I don't feel like I have the resources to ensure an ethical international adoption.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by marsupial-mom 

I don't feel like I have the resources to ensure an ethical international adoption.

Understandable. I think there is a risk for any adoption to be unethical. Personally I feel that the risk overall of international adoption being unethical is overstated. That said, there are some countries I would not adopt from because I perceive the risk to be higher.

[mopdop2000]

Just saw this thread and wanted to jump in with our experience. I was raised in Hong Kong where my parents helped found a home for unwed mothers and an orphanage for their babies, so I always saw myself adopting a little Asian girl, if I ever adopted.

Fast forward to being married and we had 2 bio boys and were happy with that. Sadly, the younger one passed away at 6 months.  Both pregnancies were very difficult, with lots of bed rest and sick babies at birth, so we knew we couldn't go through it again.  My mind went back to my dream growing up but it no longer felt right. I had had two boys, and I liked it. I wanted 2 boys again. I still saw myself with an Asian child, so we went with a boy from South Korea.

I have never felt any guilt for picking the gender. People have hinted that we adopted a 'replacement' for DS2 but that is really not true. It just felt right.  We talk about adopting again, and I would be open to either gender however, turns out DS3 has pretty involved SN (which we said we couldn't deal with after losing DS2, but now couldn't imagine life with all his therapy appointments - I'd be bored!!!) and I don't know that more kiddos are in the future!

[loveandkindness]

I did struggle with the "grocery list" aspect of choosing a child to adopt.  Our requirements were:  between 5 and 7 years old, girl, any physical disability but no major mental disabilities, no biological siblings, no parent who still visited the orphanage.   DH and I talked a lot about feeling like we were ordering a child online.  But you know what? That child desperately needed parents to love her.  So why not choose what feels like the best fit for you?

And to be honest, after we filled out all the paperwork we were given probably close to 60 girls to consider.  Talk about "shopping" for a child.  It felt wrong.  But in the end, it worked perfectly and I can't imagine any other girl becoming our daughter.  God/the universe has a way of working things out.