Im SO confused. First time mom to be.

[jagriffith]

Ok so here is my story....

I am 6 1/2 months pregnant right now. When my ex first found out he was so excited!!! then when I became 3 months pregnant he decided he just wanted to be "friends" because he couldnt handle how hormonal I had become. Just a few days ago I found out he has a girlfriend he has been seeing for a couple of weeks and claims he loves her and blah blah blah. But, he stills says he wants to be involved with the baby. I just dont know how to handle it. This has all been very stressful and being a first time mom I dont know how much time/energy I should put into making him feel involved once the baby gets here especially when I don't even want to have anything to do with him right now for hurting me like this. HELP!!

[delightedbutterfly]

I am sorry you are going through this I don't have a lot of advice for you except to just take some time to think about what you want and need and to trust your gut. He may BE really involved or he may not even if he talks the talk. Expect and plan for the worst and maybe he will surprise you.

Do you have a good support system of friends and family?

Hopefully someone else has a bit more info on how to parent alone and thrive!

Stay strong! You can and will do it! Congrats on your pregnancy!

[Danu78]

Sorry to read this :-( We have a similar story: I'm now a mother of a 4-month-old, but was dumped right as we found out about pregnancy. Magic from our love story suddenly evaporated :-( I can understand how confused you may feel. Hormonal or not, it is simply *not right* for a pregnant woman to be alone. I changed my mind so many times during these past 12 months about how involved I want him to be... I still dont know. There were/are still strong feelings for him (can't really say because it changes every week or so :-P, but I grant myself the right to do so!). I don't know if this helps you at all, but just know you are a strong woman otherwise the baby's soul wouldn't have chosen you for his/her mama. Living a day at a time also helps. Everybody talks about finding a good social support system - i'd agree, but then again, it's not something one can do on demand, especially if during the 9 months one is a big mess dealing with her new life situation... Stay strong, we are out here for you!

[justmama]

*hugs*  I was there once.  Stereotypical teen pregnancy thing.  Thankfully I was 18 and no longer in high school so I at least had that going for me.  Same thing happened to me.  Got pregnant.  He just wanted to be friends.  He ended up filing for visitation and we did the court thing for visitation, support, and custody.  He gave me everything basically in exchange for 2 hours supervised by me at my house.  He didn't hold her, didn't change any diapers, didn't feed her, etc.  He showed up late and left early constantly.  He missed visits.  Finally we moved before she turned 2 and he didn't keep up contact even through phone or email.  I kept him aware of our location even when we moved back and he chose not to see her.  She's 12 now.  He hasn't seen her since she was 21months old.  His choice.  My goal was always to never deny him but not to make it easy for him either.  He knkows where we are, he has my phone number, he has legally ordered visitation.  He chooses not to use any of that.  I wouldn't prevent him from seeing our daughter even though he doesn't care to.  

[Mommel]

BTDT. Now parenting solo, and for me that's the best choice. One piece of advice... don't put him on the birth certificate (or on any legal document stating he's the father). You can always add him later if you want to collect child support, etc... but without his name on the birth certificate, he has no legal right to your child unless he pursues paternity through the court. I decided to wait a full year postpartum to add him, and then never did for a slew of reasons... just remember, once it's done, you can't take it back.