Suddenly Misses Galore/Pissing When Pissed - What Gives?

[pickle18]

Over the past couple weeks, my 16 mo. old has gone from being dependably dry (we do diaper-free at home - and he'll often take himself to the potty) to having tons of misses that appear to be on command, as if experimenting with control.  

He's become very interested in watching his poop come out, what poop is, etc.  And he often squats on the floor and watches himself pee - sometimes alot, sometimes just a lil squirt, then he'll go somewhere else and squirt, or just hold it until later.

He typically has more misses and/or wet nights when teething, sick, etc. but this seems different.  For one thing, it's ALOT more often, and he will pee in a diaper during the day if out, too (he hasn't done that in several months).  He will still go on his own sometimes, or most times if I offer (as long as I have a book ready), but he does also do that maddening "no, I don't have to go" and then peeing on the floor thing, too (like it has to be his idea - like food, or so many toddler things).

I've also noticed that if I leave the room to use the bathroom, I'll come back to his own mess (or he'll pee in the bathroom doorway).  I used to bring him and his potty in the bathroom with me when he was tiny - maybe I should try that again?

One last curveball - I recently started working from home 5-10 hours a week, mostly evenings when DH is home, but some lil daytime bits - and this has NOT gone over well with my high needs lil kiddo.  Lots and lots of screaming, crying, meltdowns and clinginess if I even head toward the work computer.  His dad plays with him outside and he has fun, but he hits a "mama-less" limit and can't cope.  It honestly is making me want to quit.   Anyway, I bring this up because he will get super mad at me for working and then pee, or come up to my chair and pee on it if I'm on the computer.

So, is this about taking over his pottying?  Is it about me working?  Is there anything I can do to support him?  Any tips or ideas welcome. Thanks!  

[nstewart]

From my experience, it sounds to me like maybe a combo of you working and maybe your DS wanting to take more control?

Shortly before DS graduated (maybe 3 mos or so??) we started having lots of misses out of the blue.  It's very frustrating.  So, we went from super reliable at 14 months, to having tons of misses at 15 or 16 months.  I eventually just backed right off, and started to tell him that when he wanted to go to the potty to let me know, and I would take him.  It took a while, but literally over night it clicked for him and we had no more misses during the day (maybe 1 or 2 over the next several months!) and I considered DS to be a grad at just shy of 19 months.

So, my advice would be to back off and let him have more control.  I think that at your DS's age (16 mos) they are really craving more independence and control, and there aren't many things that they can control.  Really, just bathroom habits, sleep, and eating.

I agree that you working from home also is new to him and putting you guys off your previous routine and he probably needs time to adjust to that too!

Good luck.

[pickle18]

Thanks, nstewart! It really helps to have btdt advice.   I do think it's a hard transition for him, so hopefully it will get easier.  Meanwhile, I just looked up to see him sitting on the potty sideways, looking very serious while he peed, as if conducting an experiment.  I (quietly, sweetly, gently!) offered to help him turn him around the right way, which was met with a VERY indignant, "NO!!!!" and he ran off, clearly quite offended.  I think backing off is good advice! 

[pickle18]

Any other tips?

[pickle18]

I should add that today he is big on dumping out his potty (into the big one) by himself.  So that's something new!  On the other hand, he is also standing or squatting and aiming his pee at his trucks, across the room (leaning way back, kind of hilarious, haha), etc. - anywhere but the potty. 

This is probably an entirely different topic - but how do mothers of boys handle this transition?  I'm thinking about getting a step stool so he can stand and pee in the big potty, but the little one is so convenient for him to use, being right in the play room.

Ok, while I was typing that, I heard the toilet lid clang - he was putting toilet paper in, and wanted his seat insert so he could pee on the big potty (immediately after peeing on his truck).  

I guess we are in an anything goes phase?  For the longest time, EC was just second nature, and now I find our whole days revolving around it (and his experiments) again, haha!

[nstewart]

I'm glad to hear things are progressing...kind of...  That's how it is with EC, isn't it? lol.

DS never liked a little potty, always wanted to use the toilet with an insert.  By the time he wanted to stand and pee he was tall enough to just reach without a stool.  But I think a little stool is a great idea.  If he's having fun aiming at his trucks and stuff, what if you gave him something to aim at in the toilet?  Fruit loops, for example (you could get one of those little individual servings boxes at a convenience store for the purpose).  Might make it more fun for him while he's in this stage.

[pickle18]

I like the fruit loops idea!   I'm not sure if he would have the patience for it (he's quite the spirited, independent kiddo) but it's worth a shot (*snicker*).  AND maybe it will help me redirect his efforts to, you know, a pee appropriate area.  Right now, the best luck I have is to try to anticipate and plop him down on the potty to read, or otherwise to redirect him there after he starts (though sometimes that doesn't work, as I mentioned).

I've been thinking about cloth training pants, although this seems to be the complete wrong time to introduce that, when we suddenly need diapers out and at night (maybe just for home, if he'll wear them, to mitigate a *tiny* bit of mess?  I feel like our house is turning into a barn stall when he's diaper free!).

Oh well, such is life, I guess - we get a comfortable habit and routine going, then someone (*cough* DS *cough*) decides it's more of a rut, and time to shake things up a bit! Haha. Hopefully we settle into a new normal soon.  

[pickle18]

Just wanted to update a bit, in case anyone reads this later.  DS is most DEFINITELY teething, his gums are super swollen on bottom (molars) and he is all out of sorts, poor kid!  Can't sleep, crying out in pain in the night, ultra-sensitive, chewing on everything, etc. - all out of sorts. 

So that is a big factor, I'm sure.  Also, I've had some luck offering him the big potty every time I'm in the bathroom (and he, naturally, follows me in there).  Hooray!!!   Kinda makes up for waking up in pee puddles from the tons and tons of nursing every night.  I swear, the sheer number of pees is alot - it's like, he starts to go (not in the potty), stops himself, then can't hold it forever, starts to go, stops - but he doesn't want me to put him on the potty - mostly this results in protests.  If I can get him on the big potty, at least then he'll be able to really empty his bladder, poor kid.

Anyway, I also came across post #3 in this thread, which was comforting (even the peeing when mad!): http://www.mothering.com/community/t/944364/when-to-totally-give-up-diapers-for-the-ec-toddler

[flyrabbitfly]

Sounds like DS has a lot going on! I agree with PP about your work probably being a factor, as well as his growing awareness of his ability to control his body. He is unable to control what you are doing, but he CAN control this pee thing! And clearly teething is never great for anything. Our DS had a similar sudden increase in misses when he had (we thought) just graduated. I think really he just had suddenly realized that only he could control what came out when and he was experimenting with just how long he could hold it etc. He absoulutely HATED for me to try to remind him that he needed to go. The only way I could suggest it was by suggesting that whatever toy he was playing with might need to go pee, and could he help them? He loved to help them out and would usually decide it was his turn after. Another thing you may want to look into is a little urinal. We have one that sticks on a smooth surface (like the tub or a tiled wall) with suction cups and it really helped at that age. It was easy for him to pull down his pants a little to use it, vs having to get everything off to use the potty, and therefore he was able to be more independent which he liked. Its also just quicker so disrupted his play less. Often I wouldn't even know he'd used it- I would just walk by and realize it was full. Another thing that helped was just to be sure I was as responsive as possible, not making him wait a long time if he was asking for my attention, or at least taking a minute to explain what I needed to do first ("I need to finish mixing up this thing for dinner, and as soon as I get it in the oven, I'll come play. Do you want to help me mix it?"), and most importantly, being sure to support his need to control his own direction (autonomy) in other areas, so he didn't feel the only place he had control was pottying. And definitely, as pp said, back off. Try to maintain absolute calm in the face of all this experimenting- don't let it become the battlefield! Just let him do his thing, clean up, talk about it, let him come to the place where he wants to put the pee where we all put the pee. Above all, remind yourself, each time, its just pee, its easy to clean up, this stage will pass, and don't let it be a button to push to see what kind of reaction mom will have.

[seraf]

My older kids both had a wet spell right before grad, 16/17 months. What pulled my oldest son out of it was bubbles. We put dish soap in the toilet water and told him that if he stood on the toilet seat and peed into the water from that height it would make bubbles. He tried it a few times one day and he was hooked. At 9 he still pees sitting down which I appreciate when I visit other houses with boys.

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by flyrabbitfly 

Try to maintain absolute calm in the face of all this experimenting- don't let it become the battlefield! Just let him do his thing, clean up, talk about it, let him come to the place where he wants to put the pee where we all put the pee. Above all, remind yourself, each time, its just pee, its easy to clean up, this stage will pass, and don't let it be a button to push to see what kind of reaction mom will have.

^ This I have been able to do, at least (although, I confess there are times I second-guess myself, like I'm almost giving him permission to pee all over the place! haha).  I stay perfectly calm, tell him next time we'll try to get it in the potty or gently remind him that's where it goes, smiles, no big deal - he sometimes brings me the enzyme spray or helps me wipe it up.   If I catch him mid-stream, I do sometimes try to transfer him to the potty - this used to work, but now he really resents it (unless I can distract him enough).

He's using his diapers more lately and that's fine - I just try to change him asap.  I've gone back to cuing him when he does use the potty, too, because I'd been lax on that.  Sometimes if I sit on the floor straddling the lil potty and read to him it works better for some reason.  Just trying to find our way through this!

I like the urinal idea - he used to take himself to the lil potty like that - I wouldn't even know, would just walk by and see it full.  The bubble idea is cool, too!  Adding these to the list.  Thanks so much for the advice!!!  It really helps to know this is normal when it seems like chaos. 

[pickle18]

So big news - we had a day of using the big potty w/o insert several times, and then he decided it was SUPER FUN to stand on his new step stool and pee in the potty standing up, like a big dude!   He did it a few times yesterday evening and was thrilled.

ANNNNND...today he mostly wants to go in his diaper.  Even for poops (I can count on one hand the number of poop misses we've had in the 10 months we've done EC).  He did use the lil potty a couple times, though.  Such is life!  Always an adventure.  I'm sure we'll figure it out.