can't convince DP to keep baby intact... UPDATE in 1st post - Page 2

[hakunangovi]

Lots of good advice above.  The bottom line is that the penis in question belongs to your son.  It is he who should have the option of keeping his foreskin.  Absolutely no one else has the right to make that decision on his behalf.  There is no compelling life or death issue going on here.  The issue concerns basic human rights. 

I know that this might sound a bit harsh toward your DH,  however even if he does not come around to your line of thinking, if you do not authorise it the doctor cannot circumcise your son.  Of course you will have to be diligent in advising all the staff that you do not consent and you will need to keep the baby with you all the time to ensure that nothing takes place behind your back.  As others have alluded, the chances are that your DH will come to view your son's intact penis as perfectly normal.

Good luck!  We are all supporting you 100%.

[Dan Bollinger]

Send him to Circumcision Decision-Maker. It was written especially for parents arguing about the topic. There's a video, too. 

[withlittlelungs]

Thank you all so much for your input! We found out yesterday that we are having a boy (and a girl ). I know that DP wanted to have 2 girls to avoid this whole thing. I'm not going to consent to it. I will either convince DP that circ is not the way to go, or he will just have to be unhappy with me about it. I don't care. 
He would never go behind my back at the hospital to have it done, and since we aren't married, I am the one who has to sign all the paperwork at the hospital. My boy will stay intact 

[hakunangovi]

Good for you, Ellie!!  Stay strong, and I hope have an easy time.

[bugmenot]

Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 

And the kids don't really get naked in the locker room.  And even if they did, who  is going to want to admit to checking out someone else's genitals? 

VERY good point!

There's three different options which a lot of kids choose from:

1) Go in a private changing stall or a toilet stall
2) Wrap a towel around and keep their shirts on (which most people do)
3) Keep their underwear on when they swim, which a lot of people do

If they do notice, they won't open their yaps about it! Opening one's mouth about looking at a penis is bad news in a locker room.

[emma1325]

Originally Posted by withlittlelungs 

I knew that DP was not onboard with keeping #2 (if it ends up that we have a boy) intact, but I thought that he just gave in. I brought it up in the car the other day to make sure we were on the same page, and we are not. His reasons are SO irritating. He doesn't want him made fun of in the locker room, he says the first time he is going to have sex the girl won't want to because he won't be circumcised, and because "it looks weird". 

He doesn't believe me when I tell him that circ is becoming less and less popular. And his reasonings make me so upset. I started crying in the car. I have such guilt over circumcising #1, and I refuse to do it again. 

I don't know what to do if we can't agree. I'm not going to give in, but I don't want this to cause any arguments. 

Does anyone have any articles that would be particularly persuasive for dads?

UPDATE: I hadn't been forcing any info  re: circumcision onto DP, because I already decided that it wasn't happening. Yesterday at our MW appointment, I saw that they had some pamphlets on the subject, so I just grabbed them. I handed them to DP last night and he said, "I already thought about it and I'm fine not doing it. But I think if he wants to when he gets older then we should let him". Thank god. 

I'm glad he's easing up.  Try to go easy on him...remember it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that his first son was harmed by circumcision.

:)

[Katherine73]

I realize that the OP had her issue resolved, and I'm glad. DH and I had the same issue when we found out we were having a boy. We argued about it for a couple weeks, and then I wised up and realized that the hospital probably wasn't going to do anything to DS without me signing the consent form. Our hospital was quite crunchy. THEN I found out that our hospital didn't circumcise on site and that they recommended that we wait until the baby was 1 week old. I told DH he would have to find a doctor, make an appointment, and go into the room with DS if he really wanted it done. I knew there was a 90% chance he would not make the effort, and no way in heck was I going to do it for him!

We actually went to the hospital with the issue unresolved between us. As it turned out, I had a very long, rough labor with DS and he developed jaundice, requiring a longer hospital stay. We also had a very rough start breastfeeding. DH is very pro breastfeeding and on day 3 or 4 of DS's life he said, "I just want to let you know I'm ok to not circumcise him. I know you're worried about it, and I don't want to do anything else to him that would hamper breastfeeding."

This can be an emotional issue between parents, but I don't regret holding the line. I think a lot of things can change for a father when they hold that vulnerable little baby in their arms for the first time.

[stacyann21]

Glad to hear your update  One thing to keep in mind in this situation is that your partner probably never considered the fact that his circumcision was unnecessary or harmful to him. Now that he's been provided with this info he may actually be grieving. Some of the things women tell their circ'd partners about circumcision are just awful! I noticed this happen with my boyfriend after we decided not to circumcise our son. So while I completely agree with your position, just be sensitive to him during this time.

[hakunangovi]

I am so happy for you!!  And also for your son!!  You can feel at peace now and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without the stress associated with such an emotional and important issue being unresolved. 

[aHikaru]

luckily your the only one that can sign the paper.