My 9 year old BIT someone?!?!

[fairejour]

My daughter was at a drop off "parent's night out" group tonight. She has been there before and the only reason we took her was because she specifically asked to go. Well, when we came to pick her up, the teacher told me that she had bitten another child!! I have no idea what to do about it! She didn't bite when she was 2!! When we asked her what she was thinking, she swore that she wasn't angry and she had no idea why she had done it. She had just eaten, the child wasn't bothering her, she was sitting down to watch a movie.

When asked she responded "My body did it. I didn't want to." She has said very similar things after other outbursts. We don't know what that means...

(She is deaf and has a language delay and is a little immature. She functions at about the level of a 6 or 7 year old.)

[One_Girl]

Is her body often out of control? If this is yet another instance I think it would be a good idea to have her seen by a developmental pediatrician. Some underlying medical conditions can cause a lack of impulse control. If you don't believe her body was out of control then I think a very serious consequence is something to seriously consider.

[fairejour]

We have started seeing a therapist, because she has been having a big uptick in tantrums. My family has a big history of bipolar and other mental health issues, and we are scared that this is a manifestation of a serious problem. I mean, what kind of normal 9 year old bites completely non-provoked? (Or heck, even provoked?!?) 

We figure that either

a) she really has no idea why she did it- which means there is something seriously mentally or physically wrong with her

or

b)she spent an hour crying and lying to us. She knows why she did it and is just refusing to tell us. We were very clear that we just want to help her and we weren't angry. We told her that we were worried and that we just wanted to figure out what happen, so that it will not happen again.

I'm terrified. 

[meemee]

Originally Posted by fairejour 

 She functions at about the level of a 6 or 7 year old.)

if she functions at that level... then she is right on with other kids that age. 

i have heard it from my dd at 6 and other kids too. its the 6 year old angst they go through. teens who remember that stage have told me it was the worst period of their life - worse than their teens. 

my dd has told me 'i know its wrong', 'i know i shouldnt do it, but i felt like i was two persons. i DID NOT want to do it, yet i did not know how to stop myself.' its like someone else lives within me and does all this naughty stuff'. dd was hitting and kicking and screaming. 

once she got over the phase OMG - do i know this child? she changed in a huge way. HUGE. suddenly - in a v. subtle sense - the child in dd was replaced by this mature, understanding child who didnt mind that her mom said no. all the hitting, kicking went away. and dd got body odor right after that stage. 

on another note, i dont think she really knows the why. even today dd could do bizarre things and not know why she did it. even during other times - i dont think she can articulate the why. i dont think most kids have the emotional vocabulary to express their emotions even at 9.

also just so you know - this is not uncommon for a 6 year old. from about 5 when the angst stage can start (if you ask me i call this first stage of puberty and its hormonal) the number of bitings rise again and then it quietly dies down. 

mama dont let your fears rule how you see your child. i can relate to how you feel. i have gone through similar things blaming single parenthood, etc for what my child was going through. till one of my friends gave me a serious talking to and pointed out in my endeavour to see signs of mental illness i was missing the point that my dd was growing up normal. yeah due to her circumstances she might be a little bit more intense, go through the phase a little longer - but she said - look around. see that most kids ur kids age is going through similar things. and so i say the same to you. another long, long conversation with the mother of a bi-polar son and their journey together helped me take my focus of looking for mental illness. what really reassured me about her story was that - dd would never be alone. if she was diagnosed i would be there to help her through it. that was so reassuring that i finally laid my fears to rest. 

your dd is being a typical 6 - 7 year old. be there for her. she needs you more than anything now. she is scared and confused. she needs you to just be there for her. remember she is terrified too. 

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by meemee 

if she functions at that level... then she is right on with other kids that age. 

Yes, it's not out of the realm of normal for a 6 yo who never bit as a toddler... I was bit out of the blue by a 6 yo and it was quite a surprise. I had previously thought it was a toddler thing. But it was a one time incident from a stressed out kid.

[rainbringer]

Does she have teeth coming in?  My daughter hasn't bitten anyone when her teeth are coming in but she does chew on things a lot, even at nine  - maybe the need to chew plus an overstimulating evening caused her to do that.
 

[Peony]

Yeah, if she functions at a 6 or 7 year old level then weird out of the blue, incidents like this are not uncommon in that age group. However with the additional family history, this is something that I would mention to her therapist and keep an eye on. I do have one child with some mental health issues and age 7 and then again at age 9 (and other pervious years in there), were really difficult years for her. She would just randomly have almost obscene behavior that was completely out of character for her.

And someone mentioned a developmental pediatrician, I ADORE our developmental pedi. DD1 does not see one (my child with several dxs), but my ASD DS1 does and our experience has been wonderful. I do regret that I never did that with DD1, it might of saved us many very frustrating years. 

[fairejour]

I posted this on another more "mainstream" site and I was stunned by the responses. Mothers laughed at me and made fun because I was so concerned. They didn't understand at all why I was so upset that my daughter would act out violently. Sometimes I forget that no everyone values gentleness outside of Mothering