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September 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 9

post #161 of 361
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

I do usually in the morning, I can put her in her pack and play, and put baby einstein on and she'll watch for 45 minutes or so. But I hate doing that, you know? And she won't play for longer than 15 minutes if I'm dozing, so it has to be the movie. So anyways, I try not to use it, but yes, morning when I -need- that extra 45 minutes, I'll do it. I usually don't fall back asleep, because I'm keeping an ear out for her, but I can doze. 

Just do it. In the big scheme of things, it's ok. Isn't it better for her to watch an hour of a movie or whatever than to have you so sleep-deprived that you can't take care of her? Makes sense to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

I've thought of that a bit lately, but if it makes sense, it doesn't really -feel- like it. Like days when I actually do get more sleep, it's totally easier to deal with, and we have great days. I think it's just a combination of being exhausted-- and then being bitter at her because I'm exhausted.

I felt the same way after Kellen was born. I wasn't sad or immobile or suicidal or anything like that. I was just easily irritated and short-tempered. I convinced myself the problem was sleep-deprivation and exhaustion rather than depression. After Dylan, though, I had to do something. Once I started medication, my anxiety level dropped and I was able to sleep better. It really did make a huge difference for me. If you seriously do have OCD like you've said, you probably have issues with anxiety. Anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I personally would prefer late summer, early fall - gives me the better part of a year to save, and the newest addition will be more ready to travel then. Plus, I just love that time of year!

Passport fees: $165 for an adult, each child under 16 $115. That's for the passport book and card and the "execution" fee. Blah. http://travel.state.gov/passport/fees/fees_837.html

I would love to take a train somewhere, but it means doubling the time needed off - I don't really want to take DH and 3 kids on a plane. Really, really, don't. LOL DH would likely have to buy 2 seats and they would need to be on an exit row to give him leg room. He's a big dude. Unless we could afford business/first class . . . not likely.

JJ: Where are you??? we miss you, I don't think you've posted recently, I hope you are ok.

Flutters: I've been feeling them off and on for a couple weeks. I love feeling a baby move. it's my favorite part of pregnancy.

Flutters! Cool!

I had no idea passports cost so much. I thought it was just the $10 or whatever for the photos. Maybe that's because I think military members can get them free or at discounted rates. Or maybe we can just use our military IDs. I'm not sure.

A train would be fun. I'm not a fan of flying. I have a major anxiety attack over even the idea of it. If dh is with me, though, I can do it.
post #162 of 361
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

oh my gosh guys. Everyone was responding while I was typing. I shall reply in a bit. I just had a bit of a thought, and I wanted to start it, before I head off. 

I think some of the depression like symptoms are 'anger' at the fact that this is so hard. You -know- parenting and babyhood is going to be hard. But being an AP parent, you have this idea that if you implement all these gentle, wonderful, important things-- that infancy should be so much easier. Like... Yes, newborns are hard-- but I'm breastfeeding, and babywearing, and had a natural birth, and we bond lots, and cuddle and coo, and bedshare sometimes--- so why isn't it easier? You get this misguided belief that AP= easy. And it doesn't. I think in some ways it makes it harder (not saying it is not very important and I'm not very behind it still), but I think it makes it harder, because if I were a mainstream parent, right-- I'd just say well hell, this is hard, and I'm tired- and I'd ferberize her, sleep all night, then hire a babysitter and go out with my husband twice a week and get drunk. And when breastfeeding started getting time consuming, well then I'd just switch her to formula, and night wean her... and if my lap got sick of being full all the time, I'd just make her play alone... etc etc. 

Kwim? There's so many more demands on you when you're an AP parent. And I know that it's still the right thing to do. As hard as it is, it FEELS right. But it's harder than you think it's going to be, or should be, for doing things the 'right' way. 

Having children is hard no matter how you do it (unless maybe you just completely neglect them shrug.gif). The thing about sleep training, i.e. Ferberizing, is that it doesn't really work in the long run. IME, parents who do it are always complaining that it worked for a few weeks and then baby/child started waking again and they had to be retrained. It's kind of the same thing as spanking. It may appear to work because the first few times it seems to get instant results. It doesn't stick, though, and the situation can be more of a problem later on.

I also think all first-time parents have an idealized vision of how things are going to be and they are never like that. No matter how much you read and how much time you spend with other people's babies and children and how many stories you hear from other parents, you have no idea what it's really like until you have your own baby. That is equivalent to birth. You can know everything there is to know about it but you have no idea what it's really like until you do it yourself.

I actually find AP practices to make life easier than non-AP practices. I can compare because I wasn't very AP with Ryan as he got older. I did breastfeed him and I ended up co-sleeping with him a lot out of desperation when I was so tired that I was afraid I'd drop him when I was trying to sit up to nurse him in the middle of the night. But that was when he was an infant, probably only for the first year. Trying to implement all the more traditional parenting and discipline with him as a toddler and child made my life much more difficult with just one child than it is now continuing to follow AP principles with 3 LOs.
post #163 of 361

JJ: so good to hear from you - maybe you had posted before and I missed in the hoopla.

 

our tv is on ALL THE TIME. do the kids sit parked in front of it? no, not really, it's just background noise, but it's a needs-to-have thing since I WAH and need them distracted, LOL. I can't sleep while they are awake, but I do sit on my iphone while they play. If they are happy, often I just need to BE - I don't need to be involved. I feel like I'm ruining their fun. If they want me to play with them, they make sure I know!

 

I think if what you are doing sleep wise with Ten works, then work it! Norah needs physical contact. NEEDS. DS needs cuddles, then space to wiggle it out until he is asleep. This is a tough sleep age I think. All the phyical things they are trying to do, mastering, teeth, etc I think just disrupts the natural rhythm of things, until they get in a good groove again. With DS, it was between 16-18 months before we hit a smooth patch. months 10-14 were rough, sleep wise, because I was fighting him on sleep, and I shouldn't have.

 

I don't fight stuff. I have so few rules it's comical compared to other moms, even crunchy ones, I know. I let my kid jump on and off of furniture. Be loud, scream inside . . . He's little. what's the big deal? Eat when he wants, what he wants, within reason. I've started cutting him off after 9 pm though. Most of the time he doesn't actually finish whatever it is, and he isn't much bothered when I say no, so I don't think he's actually hungry.

post #164 of 361
JJ, I'm glad to hear you got a bit of rest. Here's my "aha" moment from having Ava. Babies suck. They just do. Sure, there are magical babies out there that are happy and content all the time and sleep twice a day for 2 hrs each and 12 hrs at night. I've met them. But that's not Ava. Or Tenley. Or Dylan. Or Norah. Or Finn. Get my drift here? Those magical babies are the exception. So I'll say it again. Babies suck. Big kids suck less but they bring different challenges with them. Managing my kids on a daily basis is like playing mental chess. All day long. You think you give yourself a hard time for turning on Baby Einstein? Imagine now if you wanted to make an exception to one of your "rules" with an 8 yr old. No big deal at the time. Then the next time they want to do that and you say no, they will remind you that you agreed before and spend the next 30 mins verbally wearing you down. I'm not trying to negate your pain right now. Or scare you for the future. I just want you to give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack, you know? Be gentle with Tenley but also be gentle with Jenine.
post #165 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I have a babywearing meeting at my house Friday night . . . I really need to clean. Joy. But that's why I am having it - it forces me to do what i really don't want to, but need to do!

 

We need passports to get to Canada no? Much as I'd love to go, I'd rather stay on this side of the border, so I don't have to add the expense of passports to vacation :bag:  I do want to go to Montreal sooooo bad! DH has one, I did have, but it's long since expired. the kids would need them (all three) . . .  any good vacation spots within a reasonable travelling distance for JJ?

LOL Every time we have someone over, Rob is like "We HAVE to do that more often!" Knowing someone is coming over in half hour, means we get the whole house cleaned in half hour. Cleaning just because it's dirty-- cleaning takes three days. It's amazing what motivation can do for you!

 

Yeah I think you need passports. There's not a ton interesting though in Canada. BC, which everyone would have to fly to, or maybe Montreal like you said. I don't know how much there is for kids in montreal though. And not big on the beachy type scene. DH -might- go for montreal, but more luck with a warm destination. I'm ok coming to the states anyways, we've got passports, and Ten needs one anyways, since we try to get down to the states shopping once a year or so. I think they're only like $85 or something here, and cheaper for kids. 

 

In the states, the only travel spot for us is minneapolis/mall of america. I'd love to go again, and we plan to "soonish", but again, not sure it's much of a kids destination! lol And not much closer to you guys I don't think. In terms of convincing DH- somewhere international is the easiest bet, followed by something in florida or on the coast. Either way it'll take convincing. Who knows though, maybe by next summer we'd just come without him, and he'd enjoy the time alone! lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

16 weeks today, and woke up with a migraine. UGH

I feel like your pregnancy is just dragging! lol I think it's because you're the only one this time, and so I want it to hurry up and have new squishy in the group! haha

 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


Just do it. In the big scheme of things, it's ok. Isn't it better for her to watch an hour of a movie or whatever than to have you so sleep-deprived that you can't take care of her? Makes sense to me.
I felt the same way after Kellen was born. I wasn't sad or immobile or suicidal or anything like that. I was just easily irritated and short-tempered. I convinced myself the problem was sleep-deprivation and exhaustion rather than depression. After Dylan, though, I had to do something. Once I started medication, my anxiety level dropped and I was able to sleep better. It really did make a huge difference for me. If you seriously do have OCD like you've said, you probably have issues with anxiety. Anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand.
Flutters! Cool!
I had no idea passports cost so much. I thought it was just the $10 or whatever for the photos. Maybe that's because I think military members can get them free or at discounted rates. Or maybe we can just use our military IDs. I'm not sure.
A train would be fun. I'm not a fan of flying. I have a major anxiety attack over even the idea of it. If dh is with me, though, I can do it.

I'm the opposite- I love flying! Love it. It's so exciting to me. 

 

I get what you're saying. And that's why my daughter hsa more of an attachment to the einstein puppets than any of her physical toys. LOL

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


Having children is hard no matter how you do it (unless maybe you just completely neglect them shrug.gif). The thing about sleep training, i.e. Ferberizing, is that it doesn't really work in the long run. IME, parents who do it are always complaining that it worked for a few weeks and then baby/child started waking again and they had to be retrained. It's kind of the same thing as spanking. It may appear to work because the first few times it seems to get instant results. It doesn't stick, though, and the situation can be more of a problem later on.
I also think all first-time parents have an idealized vision of how things are going to be and they are never like that. No matter how much you read and how much time you spend with other people's babies and children and how many stories you hear from other parents, you have no idea what it's really like until you have your own baby. That is equivalent to birth. You can know everything there is to know about it but you have no idea what it's really like until you do it yourself.
I actually find AP practices to make life easier than non-AP practices. I can compare because I wasn't very AP with Ryan as he got older. I did breastfeed him and I ended up co-sleeping with him a lot out of desperation when I was so tired that I was afraid I'd drop him when I was trying to sit up to nurse him in the middle of the night. But that was when he was an infant, probably only for the first year. Trying to implement all the more traditional parenting and discipline with him as a toddler and child made my life much more difficult with just one child than it is now continuing to follow AP principles with 3 LOs.

Oh no, I agree. i just mean that 'those' type of parents seem to stress less. it sounds callous but probably because they care a little less-- as in they don't treat their babies as real people so it's not a big deal if they feel sad or abandoned etc. 

 

anyways unsuccessfully nak now, so im going to head out!

post #166 of 361
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I have so few rules it's comical compared to other moms, even crunchy ones, I know.

AP and crunchy/NFL aren't synonymous with no or very little rules. I've actually found it can be quite the opposite. AP/NFL parents may have even more rules because they want to control everything. They see so many things in mainstream society as bad and they don't want their children to be exposed to those things at all. It can get very extreme and, I think, sad.

I don't think I have any hard and fast rules. I tried that with Ryan and learned very quickly that I am not good at sticking to rules. Now I have principles and values and try to make choices moment to moment based on those principles and values.

I like what Annie said about being gentle with yourself. If you can't relax when your dh takes Tenley because you feel like he's ignoring her, insist that he put her in the Boba and go for a walk while you stay at the house. Give him specific jobs to do with her, if you haven't already. It's ok for you to take a few hours off on the weekends or whenever dh is off from work. Maybe you can set up a playdate for his day off sometimes and he can Tenley out while you stay home and chill.

I hope you don't feel like I'm bombarding you with advice. I'm just trying to brainstorm about things that might help so I'm posting anything that pops into my head that seems reasonable. Take what may help, if anything. Leave the rest.
post #167 of 361

I like flying. I haven't since I met DH because we've had no reason, and flying with someone 6 foot 6 and just a big dude seems problematic. Even if he were a beanpole, he still has broad shoulders and hips, I don't think flying would be super comfortable, except a short trip, and if that were the case, we could drive, iykwim.

 

Mall of America is awesome, but expensive - IIRC there is legoland and an indoor amusement park, which is fun. I've not been in over a decade though. I could though, travel that far, with the "excuse" of seeing my grandpa on the way to or from - he's about 2 hours south, in northern IA. Maybe the other Annie (or someone?) who's in Colorado could join us then.

 

it is quite a drive to MN from here, our family would probably need 2 days to do it, but it's doable. If the kids were cooperative, we could do it in one.

 

JJ: you are in Central Canada then? (trying to get an idea - I visited Canada once when I was 6? - we travelled up through Vermont and saw Niagra falls on the way - I have a feeling you are nowhere near that)

 

Ely and Duluth on this list look promising, but igorant of MN geography, no idea actually where they are: http://www.midwestweekends.com/plan_a_trip/family_friends/travel_with_kids/best_vacations_with_kids_minnesota.html

 

My principles at this point are: what's the potential harm to him or others? And what are the standards of those around me?  - for example - my dad is taking college courses right now and needs to study, of course, so when we are up visiting I do not encourage or allow screaming and disruptive noises. Also goes for when I have a headache. Dad thinks he just jump off stuff outside, but honestly, that's no safer. Even my mom agrees with that. We just roll our eyes. Or at the park, there were these loose brick pavers that were used as a border on the path. Gabe was building with them but another mom didn't want her son to tear up the park, so to speak, so we redirected the boys to loose bricks near the creek that served no function, that they could build with all they wanted. I honestly didn't care if he built with the other bricks, we could put them back when he was done. But it's not reasonable to let him do something and another kid not be allowed to do it. Kind of "when in Rome"

 

I think if he were still my only kid, and I wasn't working outside the home, I probably would have more rules. He'd probably be potty trained. I'd probably do more structured activities, etc. But he's not, I do, and I do what I have energy for. I still think he's turning out ok :)

post #168 of 361
Thread Starter 
It would take us 2 days to drive to MN, I think. It took me 2 days to drive there myself. I stopped in Michigan. I don't want to do that so we'd just fly but that's cool as long as we have enough notice to plan and save.

Oh, and if you want a beach house, there's always mine. winky.gif. We don't live right on the beach but we can drive to one in 20-30 minutes. There's never an issue with parking at the beach on base. There aren't any attractions but there aren't really any on the Crystal Coast, either, at least not like Va Beach. Ocean City or Myrtle Beach. We can make room for 2-3 families depending on when anyone would want to come.
post #169 of 361

MW: Could you get one or two of the beach cabins? Sean's an officer, so can get in the lottery for the nicer ones, and those really are right on the beach. And stuff to do: There is tons of putt-putt out on emerald isle/topsail . . . fort macon . . . Drive down to Wilmington to the battleship and I think they have a nicer aquarium than Pine Knoll Shores, historic downtown Wilmington. stuff to do. Not as exciting as Williamsburg.

 

We wouldn't necessarily need a place to stay, but would rather be closer to you guys - if need be we can stay with DH's grandpa in Hubert.

 

Myrtle Beach is also pretty reasonable. Especially if we go after Labor Day, rooms could be had on the water for pretty cheap.

post #170 of 361
Thread Starter 
Oh, yeah, there is stuff to do around. I meant there isn't anything to do right at the beach on base other than hang out on the beach and in the ocean.

We can get cabins. I don't know what lottery you are talking about. There are various places available based on rank. The houses right on the beach as opposed to across the drive are for higher ranking officers. Lt. Col. and above, so dh isn't eligible. There are cabins and new houses that replaced the mobile homes. I think there are also camp sites and sites to park/hook up a RV if you have one. I'll have to look at the details again. They need to be booked early for the summer. My place is free, though. smile.gif

My mom can get timeshares in Myrtle Beach, too.
post #171 of 361
Thread Starter 
There are ocean front cabanas that are studios that sleep 3 at $138 for 3 nights, ocean view lodges that sleep 6 but only have 1 bedroom and a loft at $165 for 3 nights, and ocean view houses (Ospreys) that have 3 bedrooms and sleep 6 at $207 for 3 nights. We can rent two units of the cabanas and lodges but we can only rent one house. We can rent one cabana or lodge in addition to the one house. I haven't been in the cabanas or houses but the lodges are tiny. The loft is not suitable for adults so it would really only fit one family even though it says it sleeps 6. I would really want to see inside them before I suggest how many we would need.

Here's a link to the brochure: http://www.mccslejeune.com/beach/OB%20Lodging%20Broichure%20-%2018Nov2012%20Pricing.pdf

We can also rent campers that could be set up on a beach site. I don't know how much that is or how much room one has but it may be a cheaper option if anyone is interested.
post #172 of 361

Back when dad was stationed there, the cabanas and such were so popular, you had to put your name in a lottery for the weekend(s) you wanted and hope you got it. Glad to know it doesn't work that way anymore!

 

We have stayed in the studios before (Dad as a CWO1 or 2 then) and they are ok for a small family. We had stayed in the trailers when he was enlisted, and that was not as nice. (read, would not do again) Good to know they've been replaced.

 

I'd be cool with myrtle beach, really, if everyone else would be - it's not like we need to decide right now :) but since it's way closer than MN, I'd be ok with doing it even in peak season, or maybe early summer, since that might be ok with the squish.

post #173 of 361

My first choice would be Myrtle Beach, especially if MW's mom was willing to let us do the timeshare thing again. So, so easy. We went a couple of years to a timeshare resort in Surfside Beach which is just south of Myrtle Beach. I really like it there because it's kind of secluded. There's lots of things to do for the bigger kids in Myrtle Beach too. Their children's museum is great. And easy to do day trips to Georgetown, Charleston or Wilmington. My second choice would be Emerald Isle/Atlantic Beach area in NC. Still things to do there w/kids. I know a lot of people love the Outer Banks but man, there's nothing there!
 

post #174 of 361
Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

 

Chris said that at one point he brought him a ball and they played catch for a good while!  He really enjoyed meeting and chatting with Sean too.  He said he was bummed Rick didn't come down, Lauri, that he would have liked to meet him as well.

Rick was really bummed that he wasn't able to come. It would have been interesting to see the three guys together because Chris and Sean are so quiet and Rick is....not. In fact, my whole family is loud compared to the other families that were there. I told Baby_Cakes this one morning but my big kids are just loud and always on the move. It's probably a good thing that they didn't come because they probably would have sent MW running out the door!

post #175 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

Flutters: I've been feeling them off and on for a couple weeks. I love feeling a baby move. it's my favorite part of pregnancy.

That's probably the thing I miss most about being pregnant. Those secret convos between mama and baby. Love it! love.gif

post #176 of 361

Just reading quickly before I head to find dinner. Oooh I love plans. I will attempt to discuss with DH tonight and see what he would be most "in" for. I -love- the idea of getting a beach house on or very close to the water for a few days. Maybe I could convince him if we did the group thing for a few days, and then just the three of us found a cozy cottage for another couple days. If we're gonna fly, makes sense to make it worth it. Just for reference, what's the closest big city to these places we're tlaking about? 

 

Oh, and yes, Kat, I'm in central canada. I live about 1.5 hours from the US border directly above North dakota/minnesota border. In the middle of freaking nowhere as far as travel/destinations are concerned. However, we have points on our credit card, and right now already have enough for two tickets to anywhere in canada/us, so our flights would be paid for. It's just hard, because obviously you want to make it worth it wherever you go. It's hard to make a decision when you could go to say california or florida... for the same "price" as going to chicago or toronto etc. 

post #177 of 361
post #178 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

Just reading quickly before I head to find dinner. Oooh I love plans. I will attempt to discuss with DH tonight and see what he would be most "in" for. I -love- the idea of getting a beach house on or very close to the water for a few days. Maybe I could convince him if we did the group thing for a few days, and then just the three of us found a cozy cottage for another couple days. If we're gonna fly, makes sense to make it worth it. Just for reference, what's the closest big city to these places we're tlaking about? 

 

Oh, and yes, Kat, I'm in central canada. I live about 1.5 hours from the US border directly above North dakota/minnesota border. In the middle of freaking nowhere as far as travel/destinations are concerned. However, we have points on our credit card, and right now already have enough for two tickets to anywhere in canada/us, so our flights would be paid for. It's just hard, because obviously you want to make it worth it wherever you go. It's hard to make a decision when you could go to say california or florida... for the same "price" as going to chicago or toronto etc. 


Your best bet would probably be to fly in to the international airport in Charlotte, NC and rent a car and drive to Myrtle Beach. It would be about a 4 hr drive. Does your DH have issues with not having met us in person before?

post #179 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post


Your best bet would probably be to fly in to the international airport in Charlotte, NC and rent a car and drive to Myrtle Beach. It would be about a 4 hr drive. Does your DH have issues with not having met us in person before?


Or you may be able to fly in to Wilmington, NC. Didn't realize they had an international airport. MW, does that airport get a lot of traffic? I know Charlotte does so it would probably be easy to find a flight into/out of there.

post #180 of 361

It's not so much the never met them thing as in he's worried you guys will be crazy psychos (we've both had online relationships prior to getting together, including meeting my scottish 'online-ex' in toronto when we were there several years ago. He's just... not very social with people he doesn't know, and would rather travel alone. Or I should say... he is one of those people who socializes very well. Always can carry on a conversation, find a good topic, make people laugh-- but to get him there to do it-- very hard. He's a bit of a hermit until forced. 

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