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September 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 11

post #201 of 361
Thread Starter 
Ok, so April/May in NMB/MB area. I'll ask my mom what she could get. In the meantime, we can all be looking at beach houses for rent to compare.

lol.gif Annie. Yes, that was a classic conversation. A perfect example of how dh doesn't ever seem to understand what I'm saying. That's a my dh thing, though, not a Marine thing. That's why I have asked him ad nauseum to verify with me that he understands what I've said before he goes off and does anything. He still doesn't do that and is dumbfounded when I'm not happy with what he's done. Well, um, you assumed something that was wrong, as usual, and did the wrong thing. It all could have been avoided if you just asked. eyesroll.gif After 13 years I've decided it's just stupidity at this point. If not stupidity at not understanding, then at least stupidity at not doing things differently.

I have been to enough MC Balls. They are boring and the food sucks. I really don't have any desire to go to another one. My dh knows this. He has known this for a very long time. I only go to support him. I have never gone when I've had babies less than 2 years old so my not wanting to go this time shouldn't be a shocker for that reason, either. Plus, like I said before, I told him that he needed to find suitable childcare. Again, not like I blindsided him with that. I told him quite a while ago.

JJ ~ Why is your dh not doing more with Tenley at night if she's waking that often and it's not something as simple as just nursing her for a few minutes? Honestly, the only reason I was not completely zombified for the first year is because we co-sleep. The only time I had to actually get up at night was when I had to pee or to change a diaper. I know we've been around about the co-sleeping thing, and I apologize if I'm being dense, but I don't understand why you don't do that. If it's because your dh doesn't want to, I'd tell him to kiss your ass at this point. But, then, it's probably pretty obvious by now that I put my sleep and my kids before my dh getting his rocks off. That's what he's got hands for if he's that desperate. lol.gif

Carrie ~ I hope I didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings. I think what your dh said was awful. I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn't really that stupid and insensitive. winky.gif

DH and I did actually go through something similar after I had Ethan. I don't know if I ever told you all the story of when Ethan was around 6-9 months old and we were out shopping and eating lunch. I made an offhand comment that I guess I would just keep the extra pg weight because it wasn't coming off. When we went back to shopping, dh wandered off somewhere for a while. Then when we got back home he started unloading a set of dumbbells from the car. I was like, "What are those for?" He said they were for me to work out so I wouldn't stay fat. jaw2.gif He has since gotten over that.
post #202 of 361

Oh no I don't think anyone was insensitive!  I appreciate the feedback.  Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much unconditional love/friendship from him.  I mean, how much do I give back vs what I expect?  If we are only dtd 1 or 2 times a month, we never really have couple time, etc, should I really expect him to cook me healthy meals, make sure I rest, be nice to me, watch the kids once in awhile, leave me alone, tell me I'm pretty even when I don't feel pretty, etc?  I mean, where is the balance?
OTOH, I'm always telling him verbally and thru hugs and kisses in passing that I love him, we do spend time having good conversations after the kids go to bed sometimes.  We still love the same things.  We are both interested in fitness/eating healthy.  I fully support and encourage him in his career.  I don't think I'm ignoring him.  I feel like he doesn't see any of that as "love" the way that I would see those things as expressions of love.  It's like he needs sex to feel like he matters to me?  Sometimes I feel like maybe I just really need to get over myself and just do it so it's not an issue.  But I can't do that more than 1x a week.  No.  Just no.  Maybe 2.  Maybe.

 

 

He slept with Finn last night.  LOL.  I have to laugh.  He lasted 2 hours before he brought him to me to nurse.  Then Nora woke up so I had to resettle her.  Then FINALLY at around 330 I crashed on the couch and refused to move until my alarm went off at 715.  I don't feel like I got any rest but whatever, I'll take it!!

 

I do think that Chris is just really unhappy that he has put on weight and he thinks it needs to be both of us as equally dedicated to eating clean in order for it to work.  I get that.  I would be mad if I were trying hard to lose weight and he was eating crap.  But not b/c I would feel that I would need to eat it too.  And as it is I try not to order pizza or chinese when he is home b/c I know he hates eating heavy like that.  I like the convenience, but he really gets upset at how bad for you the food is.

 

We, as a family, gave up artificial sweeteners and diet soda.  It was going great.  Then about a week ago he started buying diet for himself.  It's a dividing line now b/w us, and it's confusing to me.  I talked to him about it, and said I was ok with it as long as he only mixed it with whiskey b/c then Nora cannot reasonably ask for a sip of soda if it has whiskey in it.  But I told him NO GUM in the house.  None.  I won't have it around where she can ask or find a piece herself.  My foot is solidly down about the kids not getting that into their bodies.

post #203 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
I know we've been around about the co-sleeping thing, and I apologize if I'm being dense, but I don't understand why you don't do that. If it's because your dh doesn't want to, I'd tell him to kiss your ass at this point. But, then, it's probably pretty obvious by now that I put my sleep and my kids before my dh getting his rocks off. That's what he's got hands for if he's that desperate. lol.gif\
 

Carrie ~ I hope I didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings. I think what your dh said was awful. I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn't really that stupid and insensitive. winky.gif
DH and I did actually go through something similar after I had Ethan. I don't know if I ever told you all the story of when Ethan was around 6-9 months old and we were out shopping and eating lunch. I made an offhand comment that I guess I would just keep the extra pg weight because it wasn't coming off. When we went back to shopping, dh wandered off somewhere for a while. Then when we got back home he started unloading a set of dumbbells from the car. I was like, "What are those for?" He said they were for me to work out so I wouldn't stay fat. jaw2.gif He has since gotten over that.

 

 

OMG about the weights!!  

 

I think JJ doesn't bedshare b/c she doesn't get any more sleep b/c it isn't comfortable for her to lay in the same position?  Wasn't it hurting your back/neck/legs, JJ?

post #204 of 361

I think it was something to that effect.

 

and yes, glad he got over the weights part.

 

I've been to MC balls that had great food and ones that had sucky food. But I didn't get to go often (I think I've been to a handful) so it's always a bit of a novelty for me. My parents always enjoyed it, regardless of food. (except for one that was for like everyone on base and that was ridic)

 

Soda: my weird, completely nonsense rule is that I do caffeine or calories, but not both. So I do diet coke/pepsi and regular rootbeer. DS is allowed sips of the rootbeer, and mom bought a natural orange pineapple soda that he can have with dinner. no caffeine, sweetened with real sugar (they have a soda stream for making various sodas at home). Rootbeer is mainly allowed when there just aren't other options, and we generally have a point of sharing things, except for choking hazards, with the kids. It's forced us all to be a bit healthier in our habits. DH does buy regular pepsi on occasion, but no one else drinks it. Gabe doesn't even ask. I think after I am done with this pregnancy, and maybe the first 6 months or so of nursing, we will hit family health hardcore. (during pregnancy and early nursing I need all the calories and fat I can get, and hopefully I will have some more energy for excersise by then) I hate having to put it off, but it's unrealistic to try to do before then.

 

Carrie, have you or DH ever read the love languages book? And I totally agree that if one person's love language is being fulfilled (sex, touch, gifts, words, etc) they tend to be alot more reciprocol. At least that works here. Right now, my love language is sleep.

 

And MW: the time/location works for me.

post #205 of 361
Thread Starter 
I've read some interesting conversations about the idea of unconditional love in my unschooling group. Some people just don't think it's possible. That doesn't meant that they don't try to treat people as well as they can. They think it's virtually impossible for a person to have absolutely no judgments or opinions about another person. I certainly have deal breakers with my dh or anyone else for that matter. The only people that I think I could continue to love no matter what they did are my kids. But, that doesn't mean that I could absolutely accept anything they did, either, like if one of them purposefully seriously harmed or killed the other.

Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages? DH and I learned a lot about how the other gives and receives love. Sex is a big one for dh. Not so much for me. He even said something to me once along the lines of sex being a big expression of our love in and of itself. I just don't feel it that way. I have to feel loved in other ways before I'm interested in sex. I've also noticed that now that I'm done having babies, I have very little interest in sex at all. I kind of feel like I could go the rest of my life without it and be fine, like there's really not much point if I'm trying to get pg. I mean, it feels good for a few moments but big whoop. I've got better things to do. lol.gif

Ok, so, just throwing this out there for you to consider. If you are going to put strict rules on what he can eat in his own home, isn't it only fair that he can do the same to you? I get your position and I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying that maybe your snacky things are to him what his diet sodas and gum are to you.

I cannot not eat sweets if they are in the house. If I want to avoid them, they cannot be here. I have no will power when it comes to that. My dh can not touch them at all. I actually jokingly told him the other day that I had figured out how to diet and lose weight. Rather than eating a bunch of healthy food that I don't enjoy and cutting out the sweets, I'd cut out the healthy food and eat only sweets. That would cut back on my total calories so I'd still lose weight, right? winky.gif I might not feel so good after a while but I'd fit into my skinny jeans. lol.gif

Quote:
I think JJ doesn't bedshare b/c she doesn't get any more sleep b/c it isn't comfortable for her to lay in the same position? Wasn't it hurting your back/neck/legs, JJ?

I guess my thing with this is that if you aren't getting any sleep either way, why not at least lay down in bed with baby so you can get some rest and aren't always UP. KWIM? At least, that's what works for me. If I'm absolutely knocked out, zombified exhausted, I will lay down on the couch or in the bed and let the baby crawl all over me, alternately letting him nurse when he wants and crawl/flop/squirm. At least then I can rest my eyes and brain a little. If I'm really exhausted at night and D is just not ready for bed, I take him to bed and let him play around in the room while I lie in the bed. Anything to get at least a few minutes of rest.

I certainly wouldn't be staying up cooking and cleaning and doing dishes at any time that baby was sleeping. I'm probably sounding kind of harsh now but if I were that exhausted, I would let everything else go except sleep/rest whenever I could. I would expect my dh to do all the cooking and cleaning if he weren't really helping with the baby. Stop trying to do everything in the home yourself. You have your day job of taking care of the kids while your dh has his day job wherever he goes. When you are both home, the home and family is a job for both of you. You should not be doing all or even most of it. If your dh gets pissy about that, he needs to grow up. I'm sorry but I think too many women take on too much because the men whine about it. Too effing bad, men! OK, getting off my soapbox.gif
post #206 of 361

If I read it, should he read it?  I got a sample on my kindle and liked what I read.  It was really interesting.  

 

Hmm, maybe unconditional is the wrong term.  Unreciprocal I think I mean.  But maybe right now is just the season where he needs to give a little more than receive??

 

No, you're right.  If I place health/well being restrictions I suppose he can too.  I think what bugs me is he seems to be doing his restricting based off appearances (i.e. not finding me attractive) whereas I feel my restrictions are more for the good of the family/health.

 

I also didn't like it when he was doing fasts.  He was thin, but was only drinking smoothies and eating steamed broccoli or green beans for WEEKS.  It bothered me and I worried for his health.  I didn't say he couldn't do it though.  I just told him I felt uneasy.

 

LOL and i'm  with you!  Can I skip all the healthy stuff and salad and only eat chips and fries?  As long as I only eat the same amount of calories, it should work, right?  winky.gif

 

I think my love language is sleep, too.  Or food.  

 

I'm totally going to nap today.  Dishes/wash be damned!

post #207 of 361

I agree about unconditional love. I don't think I'd ever not love my kids, but I certainly don't love everything they do.

 

And yes, I think there are seasons in a relationship where one person is giving more than the other, and that's ok, so long as it's not the whole marriage (unless both partners are ok with that, but I think the one giving would feel resentful after a while) My sister and her husband are like that - I feel like her husband gives too much. But I'm not in that marriage, and glad not to be!

 

And yes, Carrie, if he'll read it (or listen, I'm sure its an audiobook) that would be good. so everyone is on the same page, so to speak

 

I felt that way when DH was doing Atkins. I just don't feel it's healthy to put your body into a state of ketosis. I agreed eating less carbs was reasonable, and would cook a low carb dinner, but made no efforts otherwise.

post #208 of 361
The Love Languages book would prob be very helpful. My primary is acts of service and secondary is gifts. DH's primary is words of affirmation and secondary is physical touch. We have to work really hard because there's no overlap. He'll tell me all day long how much he appreciates me and the things I do for our family and I'm all, yeah that's nice now pick up the scrub brush and clean the toilet! And I work my butt off and all DH wants is for me to tell him that he's a good daddy. :/
post #209 of 361
I'm kind of on that kind of diet Baby_Cakes and MW! I go all day without eating and then shove food in my face the whole time I'm at work. When we were in Williamsburg, I didn't make a point to eat much on Saturday. So then I had to eat a ton on Sunday to make up for it. My DH does crazy diets. I just ignore it most of the time. Kids aren't allowed artificial sweetners or caffeine because it sends them over the edge.
post #210 of 361
Thread Starter 
Carrie ~ I get what you are saying about the food restrictions. That's why I said maybe he's not meaning that you are unattractive. Thin may mean healthy to him. KWIM? And, if he's put on weight, he probably needed to. I can't imagine him thinner. I don't think that would be attractive. I don't like really skinny, though. I like a man with muscles.

I also agree that each partner will give and receive more at different times in the relationship. I don't think it's ever 50/50. As long as it ebbs and flows, it's ok. If it says one always giving 80% and the other only doing 20% for years without change, then there is an issue, imo.

I think it's important for both people to read the book. You can't read it and tell the other one about it. I think it's more about learning what your partner's love language is so that you can recognize and appreciate when s/he expresses it and you can make an effort to give love in their language at least some times. I don't even remember what our love languages are anymore. I think dh's was gifts and acts of service and mine was quality time or talking (I don't even remember what any of them are now) and touch (but not sexual). For me at this point, it's more about just recognizing when dh does something loving that I may not automatically interpret that way. I can send you my copy if I can find it.

I don't like my kids to have artificial sweeteners ever or caffeine after 5 pm. That doesn't mean they don't ever get either of those. I think people think I'm crazy when I suggest they get gum with sugar (although maybe it's HFCS) instead of sugar-free. The caffeine thing is because I'm so sensitive to it that I can't sleep if I have any later in the day. Not everyone is like that, though, so I've been slowly letting that one go. If dh can drink a cup of coffee right before bed and fall asleep within seconds of laying down, that kind of blows my reasoning for the kids not having caffeine after 5 pm out of the water.
post #211 of 361
Thread Starter 
BTW, JJ ~ you can smack me and tell me to stfu. smile.gif
post #212 of 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

JJ ~ Why is your dh not doing more with Tenley at night if she's waking that often and it's not something as simple as just nursing her for a few minutes? Honestly, the only reason I was not completely zombified for the first year is because we co-sleep. The only time I had to actually get up at night was when I had to pee or to change a diaper. I know we've been around about the co-sleeping thing, and I apologize if I'm being dense, but I don't understand why you don't do that. If it's because your dh doesn't want to, I'd tell him to kiss your ass at this point. But, then, it's probably pretty obvious by now that I put my sleep and my kids before my dh getting his rocks off. That's what he's got hands for if he's that desperate. lol.gif

He tries sometimes, but it's not much help. If I go in and soothe her, and she's not having it, then I nurse her, and she'd down again. (Most times), so even though she's getting up every hour, she's asleep again within 5 and I'm back in bed within 10-15 (again, usually). But if I send him in- it'll take her... well, I don't know. Usually after 15 minutes of full on shrieking, he hands her back. He can get her to sleep at the beginning of the night now that she's going to sleep in her crib rather than in arms-- but during the night-- ONLY mama will do. So yeah... he tries, but it just ends up being more headache. The only thing we could do is the whole cold turkey- daddy's going in for every wakeup for a night or two, until she gets used to it. But I don't think we're ready for that. I can't listen to her cry That much and for That long. Not yet. 

 

Oh no, DH would cosleep no problem. He's not displaced in the bed, I am. lol. In fact, more often than not, if she comes into bed before 5am, it's because he's brought her in. He'll go get her in an attempt to see if he can soothe her, but it doesn't work, and so after a few minutes, he'll just pop her in bed beside us. 

 

I like the idea of co-sleeping. I really do. And in small doses, I love it. But after a whole night, I just end up SO sore. There's not enough room in our bed for all three of us to sleep comfortably, combined with Ten wanting to nurse a lot more often when she's that close to me. So I end up basically laying on my side on the edge of the bed... and that's all the room and movement I get. By morning I feel like someone beat me up. Good nights, when she only nurses every 2 hours, are fantastic. And I think I could do that full-time. But the majority of the time, where she nurses every 40-45 minutes all night long... they just wear on me so much.   We tried putting her on her mattress in the room with us, but it was no different than her in her own room, only she crawled off the edge of the bed. lol. And we keep revisiting the sidecarred crib, but when we're honest with ourselves, it won't fit. Not really. We could put it in, but then we'd barely be able to move around the bed. 

 

I'm --considering-- asking DH to sleep on the couch for two nights, and seeing if Tenley and I sleep better in the bed with more space. If we did, I would bite the bullet and buy a king size bed, even though we really can't afford it right now. But I don't want to ask him to sleep on the couch., Not that he wouldn't, but just for long detailed reasons I won't get into-- I don't want to do it. 

 

Anyways... I started this reply window this morning when I got up, and am just now actually responding, so I'm going to go see what I missed today!

post #213 of 361

This is old but I've had thoughts in my head waiting to comment on this for a few days!!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post
. Like... Yes, newborns are hard-- but I'm breastfeeding, and babywearing, and had a natural birth, and we bond lots, and cuddle and coo, and bedshare sometimes--- so why isn't it easier? You get this misguided belief that AP= easy. And it doesn't. I think in some ways it makes it harder (not saying it is not very important and I'm not very behind it still), but I think it makes it harder, because if I were a mainstream parent, right-- I'd just say well hell, this is hard, and I'm tired- and I'd ferberize her, sleep all night, then hire a babysitter and go out with my husband twice a week and get drunk. And when breastfeeding started getting time consuming, well then I'd just switch her to formula, and night wean her... and if my lap got sick of being full all the time, I'd just make her play alone... etc etc. 

 

Kwim? There's so many more demands on you when you're an AP parent. And I know that it's still the right thing to do. As hard as it is, it FEELS right. But it's harder than you think it's going to be, or should be, for doing things the 'right' way. 

 

I honestly never thought AP meant easier.  I always thought of it as doing what came naturally to me.  Things that seemed wrong or that could possibly be harmful have huge red flags for me, and I often don't trust doctors (especially when it comes to sleep and nutrition), so many things that ap parents do, like bf, cosleep, and not sleep train, seem like a no brainer to me.

 

That said...

 

First babies are a slap in the face.  You get pg, you dream about it, you day dream about it, you give birth and suddenly -- OMG WHAT DID WE DOOO!?

I still think that the rewards for AP are down the road a ways.  Right now it's all about laying the foundation and gaining their trust and respect.  Shortcuts now to me seem like a quick fix (like sleep training) but I couldn't bear the thought of holding that guilt for the rest of my (and my childs) life.  You know?

post #214 of 361

This is great discussion about the love languages. I really should get it from the library and have DH and I both read it. We really are the opposite, like many of you said. DH's is definitely sex. Mine is... I don't know. Maybe sleep, or whatever cleaning translates too. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
I guess my thing with this is that if you aren't getting any sleep either way, why not at least lay down in bed with baby so you can get some rest and aren't always UP. KWIM? At least, that's what works for me. If I'm absolutely knocked out, zombified exhausted, I will lay down on the couch or in the bed and let the baby crawl all over me, alternately letting him nurse when he wants and crawl/flop/squirm. At least then I can rest my eyes and brain a little. If I'm really exhausted at night and D is just not ready for bed, I take him to bed and let him play around in the room while I lie in the bed. Anything to get at least a few minutes of rest.
I certainly wouldn't be staying up cooking and cleaning and doing dishes at any time that baby was sleeping. I'm probably sounding kind of harsh now but if I were that exhausted, I would let everything else go except sleep/rest whenever I could. I would expect my dh to do all the cooking and cleaning if he weren't really helping with the baby. Stop trying to do everything in the home yourself. You have your day job of taking care of the kids while your dh has his day job wherever he goes. When you are both home, the home and family is a job for both of you. You should not be doing all or even most of it. If your dh gets pissy about that, he needs to grow up. I'm sorry but I think too many women take on too much because the men whine about it. Too effing bad, men! OK, getting off my soapbox.gif

It's just that I get about the same amount of sleep either way, but when she sleeps in her crib, then at least I don't wake up sore, you know? I'm still tired, but at least I'm not tired and in pain. I have been working on arranging pillows etc the last few days, and it's getting easier (She's been sick, so she's been in bed with us a lot). It's just still not 'comfortable'.  In some ways too, the getting out of bed helps, because it breaks it up. I have periods of  sleep. now I'm up with tenley. Now I'm sleeping. Now I'm up again. etc etc. When I'm in bed with her, it starts melding together, and then it feels like I've been up with her all night long, and had no 'sleep' time. I don't know if that makes sense, I know I'm weird :P

 

And LOL, you really are down on men! haha It's very very very rarely DH that would ever complain about the cleanliness of the house. And he's not the one complaining about cosleeping either. That's all on me. As much as he can be a doozie and say the stupidest things, really, he's a good and helpful husband (or he tries to be...) My standards are just a lot higher than his. It's like... ok. yes. I could go to bed immediately when Tenley falls asleep. But because I haven't had time to settle and turn my brain off and just... unwind from the day- I'm likely to spend two hours falling asleep getting frustrated, while I think about all the things that I want to do and respond to on FB or just... get out of my brain. Or... I can spend an hour or so doing a quick kitchen clean, and having some quiet time on the internet... and then I'll actually be able to sleep peacefully (albeit being up often) knowing that my house is tidy and my brain is empty :) Either way, I'm not getting more rest, but one I feel more settled. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

This is old but I've had thoughts in my head waiting to comment on this for a few days!!

 

 

I honestly never thought AP meant easier.  I always thought of it as doing what came naturally to me.  Things that seemed wrong or that could possibly be harmful have huge red flags for me, and I often don't trust doctors (especially when it comes to sleep and nutrition), so many things that ap parents do, like bf, cosleep, and not sleep train, seem like a no brainer to me.

 

That said...

 

First babies are a slap in the face.  You get pg, you dream about it, you day dream about it, you give birth and suddenly -- OMG WHAT DID WE DOOO!?

I still think that the rewards for AP are down the road a ways.  Right now it's all about laying the foundation and gaining their trust and respect.  Shortcuts now to me seem like a quick fix (like sleep training) but I couldn't bear the thought of holding that guilt for the rest of my (and my childs) life.  You know?

Oh yes, I mean I'm not saying that AP was a choice because it was "easy", it's a choice because it just... feels right. I just meant that like... it feels like with babywearing, and breastfeeding and responding to baby's needs-- that they should be happier :P And easier to deal with as a result. I know it's not as easy as that, obviously, but it seems like it should be! lol 

 

I mean even now though right, I can see the differences. We go places and people are like "She's such a happy baby!!" And I'm kind of like well... that's because she's held, and secure, and her needs are met. She crawls away from me at lightening speed, giggling like a fiend, because she knows I'll be there for her when she turns around. This shit didn't come easy! lol  And I know that the effects will just get more and more noticable. 

 

 

So... Ten got sick a few days ago, and Dh the same day. I thought I made it past it, but we just went down for a heavenly family nap, and when I woke up I felt like death. I think my body was like "Oh, she's down! Ok, start teh sick NOW!" lol So yeah... very nice cuddled up in bed for a solid hour good sleep... but now I feel bad. Bad bad bad. I downed a cup of tea, which was wonderful, and just took pulsatilla. I wonder how much tea is too much? I feel like I could drink it all night long. I know just honey and lemon is supposed to be good too, so maybe I'll switch to that. 

post #215 of 361
Having Ava's crib sidecarred is a huge pain. But I seriously would have lost my mind if I was walking somewhere every 45 mins when she was waking. It was hard enough when I would have to go get more milk every couple of wakeups. It's not permanent. I would really try it.
post #216 of 361
Ava has been sick since yesterday. Started with a fever yesterday morning. I took her to the doctor but lungs, ears and throat were clear. Vomiting started today. And she had the worst poop dipe, I seriously considered throwing it away. She finally started to perk up tonight, right at bedtime. But she went to sleep about 10:45 so hopefully she'll get some rest.
post #217 of 361

I wish I could wave a magic  wand and everyone would be healthy for a bit. Hope Carrie, JJ, Ava, etc are feeling better!

 

Co-sleeping - DH clings to his edge of the bed and we have the rest of the king  - and the side car, LOL. The only thing he doesn't much like about it is that it's hard to cuddle, bc often the baby is between us. Last night she slept with her head practically up his butt. Neither one moved much all night, kinda funny. When she was smaller and younger, she wasn't between us often,  now she usually is, so when I get up to pee, or just to be up for the day, she can easily cuddle with him if need be.

 

I am going to need a nap today.

post #218 of 361
Thread Starter 
JJ ~ I was thinking that, why not just get a bigger bed? I struggled a lot when Kellen was a baby. I was sore a lot from sleeping with him. It took a while for me to get settles to a point where I could sleep comfortably with everyone. I had a lot of trouble, too, when dh came home and tried to fit in the bed with the rest of us. Adding that twin next to our king was very helpful. We all have plenty of room now. There's just enough room on one side of the bed to get into the closet. On the other side, there's just enough to fit the little table but the corner of the bed is almost right up against the dresser/changing table so we don't really have room to move around it, if that makes sense.

Yeah, I am down on men a lot but I've heard too many stories about women taking crap from men and thinking they just had to. Men acting like babies and expecting their wives to do everything because they earned the money. That's a bunch of shit and really pisses me off and I don't want any woman to feel like she has to put up with that. But there's more to it than that. Even when everyone thinks the man is doing his fair share, he really isn't (usually). The woman still does way, way more.

On that note, if it's you that can't let things go, work on that. If you are so exhausted that you are having a hard time taking care of your baby, let everything else go. Get some sleep and don't worry about the rest. Really. It's not that big of a deal.

I hope everyone is feeling better.

We have my MW's homebirth reunion party today! I can't wait to see everyone again (although, I doubt the MW who was actually at Dylan's birth will be there greensad.gif).
post #219 of 361

Oh the party sounds so nice!  Too bad yours won't be there!  I miss my mw.  I hear stories about her now and then (good ones!) and I miss her energy.  

 

JJ - I hear you!  This is how I felt when Nora hit 3.  I remember crying to Chris and to Diane (b/c at the time she and I were still close) that I didn't understand.  I had a natural birth, bedshared, didn't CIO, I ebf her for 8 months, and did BLW!!  I don't hit or time out or punish or yell or ANYTHING!  WHY was she a maniac?!?  Why did she hit, bite, spit, throw tantrums, call me names, refuse to listen???  WHO WAS THIS GIRL!?  I would cry and cry.  Tell Chris that in my heart I felt like I failed as a mom.  That obv I am not cut out for this.  That AP is bullshit b/c I could have this same child if I didn't do any of those things!!

 

All this to say -- I stick with it b/c I hope/feel some day it will pay off big time.  I still have hope!  She hasn't broken me yet!

 

Also - fuuuuuck to being sick!  It's the worst!!

 

Lauri - Poor Ava!  Hang in there.  

 

I'm sick too.  I was up almost half the night with a fever.  There was Finn, finally sleeping hard and barely waking up (for the first time in what feels like 100 years), Nora was sound asleep...and I was burning up and had a massive headache.  Well played, life.  Well fucking played.

 

I also had to call poison control this morning b/c Finn got my bottle of ibuprofen open!  Don't trust those childproof caps.  I know it was clicked closed.  Then I look down and he's sitting there in a pile of pills, chewing!  I had no idea how he got it open!  I quickly picked them all up, counted them (thank GAWD it was a new bottle and I knew how many had been in there).  He sucked the coating off of six.  Poison control said he will be just fine.  NOT what I needed to start this day!!!

 

Oh - chris and I had a good heart to heart last night about what's been going on.  

It was perfect.  We sat and chatted and had some wine, etc.  I felt like we were really reconnecting and then after an hour, I was ready to go to bed.  He gave me this look like, are we going to do anything tonight?  So...I took that opportunity to explain to him that he and I feel very differently about this.  That sitting and talking and laughing to me WAS intimacy.  That this is what I need to feel close to him and to patch up the holes that keep cropping up in our relationship.  I didn't understand why it wasn't enough for him, and didn't he like chatting or was he sitting there thinking it was a waste of time?

He was like, no, but that  (his words here) the conversation was dinner and he also likes dessert.  I told him too often he just wants/demands dessert.  That in order for us to have sex more often, we need to have more dinner!  Make sure I'm fed, rested, and THEN we can order whatever he wants.  

post #220 of 361
Gah, whatever this is that Ava picked up suuuuuuucks! Fever is back. She kept bringing me the Motrin and I kept telling her no that she didn't have a fever soI wasn't going to give her medicine. Finally felt her head and the fever is back. :/ Need to stop arguing with the 1 yr old apparently.
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