September 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 5

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

I can appreciate why people would take their kids to the pedi first if they notice something off or even why the pedis ask developmental questions. Not everyone has been around little ones before and understand what's within tolerance and what may require intervention. I know we've talked about this before and we are not all in agreement about early intervention or intervention at all but having lived with my older brother all my life and witnessing his struggles and frustrations, that could have been greatly lessened by early intervention, I don't see the value in withholding it for issues that clearly need intervention. And there is also the group of people out there that need an authority figure (teacher, doctor, police officer, etc) tell them what's right and wrong in order for them to believe it. My DH's exwife is that way. Drives me crazy sometimes.

JJ, do you have a list-serve for a birth group or mama group? You could always post on there that you will do a couple of births for free just to get your name out there and gain experience. Also have you let your doula know? I am not currently taking on doula work but I get inquiries every now and again and I pass them along to other doulas that I know are working all the time.

AFM, Ava attended her first late night party last night and she did great! We went over to our friends' house and they have a 2 1/2 yr old so she had lots of stuff to play with. We played, had dinner, played some more and then she just hung out and played with the grownups after the 2 yr old went to bed. She did great! The mom remarked that if her 2 yr old was that quiet and calm, she would definitely be willing to have another. Ava loved having six grownups all to herself. She's such an attention whore!
 

Oh yes, very good distinction. If I thought something was up, then obviously I'd head to the doctor for a referral. I just don't think it makes sense for the Dr to be the one 'looking' for problem, kwim? They see them one day out of 365, so it's not a very good indicator, to me. But yes, when I see children who have obvious issues, and the parents decide to stick their head in the sand, that does drive me nuts. 

I am part of a yahoo group for local birth, but it's very inactive. Like, one post every 2 months or so, and it's mostly other doulas, so very little chance of clients. I posted on there previously when I was attending births, and it's how I found my backup, but never any clients. And my doula isn't technically a doula, she's just attended a handful of births for friends, so she doesn't get any inquiries. I did think more about the co-op group though after writing about it in the last post. I think if we figure out the money thing and I don't have to go back to work, and money is still ok, then I might look into their 'training' and joining their group in a few months. My big thing was not wanting to put out the money, for something I'd rather do solo anyways... but... I could always do it for 6 months or so, gain some clients and word of mouth, and then maybe try to go solo again. 

That sounds adorable with Ava. I love watching them grow up and get so social!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

Oh yes, very good distinction. If I thought something was up, then obviously I'd head to the doctor for a referral. I just don't think it makes sense for the Dr to be the one 'looking' for problem, kwim? They see them one day out of 365, so it's not a very good indicator, to me. But yes, when I see children who have obvious issues, and the parents decide to stick their head in the sand, that does drive me nuts. 

Yeah, it's one thing to have something obvious wrong with your child and do nothing and another to just not see the point in a well-visit or check up when you know everything is fine. I went to all the doctor's appointments on schedule with Ryan. He was my first and I followed all the "rules". I did a little less with Ethan and then a little less with Kellen and now almost nothing with Dylan.

Annie ~ I think you said your brother had speech issues, right? At least, you brought that up when I was discussing speech issues with Kellen. I don't know much about it directly, but according to a lot of people on my unschooling group, there's no real scientific evidence that any speech therapy actually works anymore than time and maturity. It's very possible that your brother wouldn't have been much different even with therapy.

I do have some experience with the kid who lives next door and speech therapy. I can honestly say that I don't see much difference/improvement in his speech other than what could be accounted for with growth. He still has the same issues he had before 2 years of speech therapy, just not as pronounced. I can tell that Kellen's speech has improved and is changing and another mom in my homeschool even commented on it after we got back from Virginia. I guess being away for so long made it more obvious rather than hearing it every day or week. You'll hear what I'm talking about this weekend.

On that note, I have a favor to ask you and Carrie. If I start to get obnoxious with my dh and say or do anything that makes the atmosphere uncomfortable, please kick me under the table or pinch me in the arm or give me a funny look.

[MarineWife]

I forgot to post why I came here in the first place. DH, Kellen and Dylan fell asleep so Ethan and I snuck back downstairs to chill for a bit. Dylan was driving me nuts nursing and then crawling around and then fussing and then nursing and flopping around and not settling. At the end, though, he nursed for a minute and then flopped upside down and crawled to the foot of Ethan's bed, babbled at himself for a little and then fell asleep.

[MarineWife]

Oh, and why is it called wife swapping? What about no husband sharing unless they are sharing child care?!

[AnnieA]

Hahaha! I like that MW! Too funny! Honestly, I don't think the guys know what they've signed up for here...AHAHAHAHA! I can't wait to see the babies together. It will be interesting to see how Ava reacts if she sees Dylan or Finn nursing. I've pretended to nurse her babies before and sometimes she will start to try to mimic them but then she starts laughing.

[AnnieA]

With my brother's speech issues, it's possible that nothing would have been different in the long run but here's what we did observe. Jason is acutely aware that he doesn't "match" with most differently abled people. He doesn't physically look different than mainstream like say people with DS do. So by the time intervention was started when he was 7ish, he was aware enough to know that was making him "different" and he refused to cooperate in a lot of cases. He knew the signs they were teaching him but he didn't want to use them because then he looked different. I think if he had started learning ASL as a toddler, he may have been more conducive to using it. But maybe not. I do think that some of his inherent anger and frustration would notbe there if he had been able to communicate easier within our family at an earlier age. That would have shifted our family dynamic. But who knows for sure?

[akind1]

Annie - that's a good a point.

Early Intervention: I have several friends who love EI (and these are generally crunchy sorts of people) While some issues I think do fix themselves with time and exposure, I think it might just help ease kids into doing some things, so they don't feel so left out in a group, if it might help them participate and join earlier. I think kids notice differences earlier than we give them credit for. I think probably, if I were seeing a ped, they might have referred Gabe for speech. He is completely within the range of normal (but was slow to start, and didn't pronounce  and still doesn't - "whole" words all the time. often its just part of words) But he is gaing words, clarity, and sentence structure by leaps and bounds lately. I was never really worried, but other people who are used to daycare kids (who talk earlier often out of sheer necessity) and those with older siblings, noticed and wondered sometimes.Also, the same kids that I know that see EI for speech, often also have some sensory processing issues, etc.

It will be interesting to find out how all the DH's do. DH reads along MDC sometimes (he is usually down in the spirtuality boards - but sometimes peeks in on posts I write) so he would have a little clue what he's getting into.

Norah tried really hard to latch on to a chest freckle (on me) the other day. It was really funny. She's still nursing - and we have about a month until her 1st birthday, at which point I think I will work a little harder at weaning. I really, really, don't want to tandem. I don't have the energy. If I weren't pregnant, I'd have no issue with her continuing nursing another year.

I ordered her birthday stuff!! I am so excited.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

Hahaha! I like that MW! Too funny! Honestly, I don't think the guys know what they've signed up for here...AHAHAHAHA! I can't wait to see the babies together. It will be interesting to see how Ava reacts if she sees Dylan or Finn nursing. I've pretended to nurse her babies before and sometimes she will start to try to mimic them but then she starts laughing.

I think it's going to be so fun seeing the babies together and the older kids and the husbands. I'm already thinking mommy pedis and/or massage time out.

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

With my brother's speech issues, it's possible that nothing would have been different in the long run but here's what we did observe. Jason is acutely aware that he doesn't "match" with most differently abled people. He doesn't physically look different than mainstream like say people with DS do. So by the time intervention was started when he was 7ish, he was aware enough to know that was making him "different" and he refused to cooperate in a lot of cases. He knew the signs they were teaching him but he didn't want to use them because then he looked different. I think if he had started learning ASL as a toddler, he may have been more conducive to using it. But maybe not. I do think that some of his inherent anger and frustration would notbe there if he had been able to communicate easier within our family at an earlier age. That would have shifted our family dynamic. But who knows for sure?

To me this is more an example of the problems with forcing a child to do therapy rather than a problem of when or how it was started. The therapy reinforced that there was something wrong with him and rebelled against that. Of course, I don't really know what was going on but that's my take on it.

I do ASL with my babies. It hasn't really helped Kellen communicate. He knows some sign language now but doesn't really use it unless it's an "I love you" sign back at me when I do it to him. There is a difference in interactions between me and dh. He gets much more frustrated with dh more quickly because dh doesn't take the time to try to figure out what Kellen is saying. He either just nods his head without really understanding or gets frustrated himself about not understanding. I take the time to stop what I'm doing and really pay attention and listen to Kellen and think about the context and what makes sense. I probably have a least a little bit of an advantage since I've been around Kellen a lot more than DH but, still, I think he could make more of an effort. That's a bigger problem than Kellen's speech and not doing therapy for it, imo.

I've talked to Kellen about it, too. There was a very short period when he was getting very frustrated that people couldn't understand him. I asked him if it bothered him and if he wanted to try to do something about it but he said he did not. He was fine and hasn't really gotten frustrated about it since then. I do a lot of translating for him with everyone, which he appreciates.

[akind1]

Norah is saying words. I am shocked, as I am pretty sure that Gabe wasn't saying nearly as much. But she is the 2nd and a girl. so far she has Mama, dada, g'ma, water, no, banana, and those are just what I remember, and that she's said more than once. Oh, and Dog. She is doing everything, exept teething, earlier than Gabe did. If baby #3 does stuff even sooner, I am really in trouble. Independence has both its pros and cons.

I try not to translate for Gabe too much, unless the person he's talking to indicates they don't understand. I want to give Gabe the opportunity first to make himself understood, and I think it makes him want to try to to be clear more.

*yawn* not enough sleep. or enough coffee.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I try not to translate for Gabe too much, unless the person he's talking to indicates they don't understand. I want to give Gabe the opportunity first to make himself understood, and I think it makes him want to try to to be clear more.

I look to Kellen to see how he's reacting to not being understood and if he'd like me to help. We've been doing this long enough now that I can tell pretty quickly when he does. I think that's just part of being present and aware with your child. You know when they want to be left alone and when they would like some help. He's also able to tell me if he doesn't want me to interfere (although that's never happened).

Dylan is not talking or signing yet. He babbles sometimes but mostly just makes "uh" type noises and points. He understands the words and signs, though, because he'll nod his head if I say or sign something he wants. I've read stuff about later children talking later because there are so many people in the family to talk for them so they don't have to. It's not a bad thing. It doesn't affect speech development or cause problems. It just is (sometimes).

[akind1]

I also think Gabe is really used to not being understood so he doesn't really care. (unless it's something he wants - general conversation stuff he is happy so long as you just nod and smile, LOL)

We translated for my sister for a long time. She has always been very stubborn at learning things she didn't care to be learning.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

We translated for my sister for a long time. She has always been very stubborn at learning things she didn't care to be learning.

I'm not sure what that means. Maybe she just seemed stubborn because she couldn't say whatever it was anyone wanted her to say but felt bad that it was being focused on or forced on her.

I have periodically asked Kellen to make the sounds that he doesn't make. He will try once or twice and then quit. If I push, he gets upset and says he can't do it. He's not being stubborn. He truly cannot do it and doesn't like being pushed. It's a developmental and/or physical thing, not him just being stubborn or difficult.

[akind1]

Well, if you want her to do something, generally she doesn't want to do it. (simply bc you want her to - she will find a way around it 9 times out of ten) - I think she could probably speak more clearly if she had wanted to, but chose not to. Reading, she memorized books we read to her instead, to fool us into thinking she could read . . .  she just has always chose her own path - which is fine, and generally a good thing. Except when she thinks that her way is best. I know I am just as frustrating about some things, and stubborn is def something we both have in plenty. She has always been a bit of an enigma to me, I just don't understand how she thinks.

Her sister in law homeschools her 4 children, one of which has some special needs/learning delays. But since her husband has been out of the picture due to being in rehab for PTSD, she has had to pick up alot of the working slack, and the homeschooling has shifted to largely be her parents' (my sister's MIL and FIL) responsibility. My sister, btaeing the educator that she is, just thinks her SIL should just put her kids in public school, that it isn't as evil as her SIL thinks it is. She glosses over the fact that there may well be valid reasons that her SIL doesn't want her kids in public school, or that public school may not be the best place for her kids. (And my sister was homeschooled for a number of years). I think she may have a heart attack when she sees how we plan on educating our kids, as it's not going to be on a regimented sort of homeschooling thing. I think we will largely fall on the unschooling side of things, at least for the first few years. 

Anyway, I am trying really hard lately to find positive things to say to and about her, but it's very, very hard. She isn't a bad person or anything. We just have less and less in common as we get older, and we never had much to start out with.

I am so excited for the trip, even though I am stuck at home!

Pack people, and tell me what you are packing so I can live vicariously.

Finn, feel better, bc you need to enjoy the trip!

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I am so excited for the trip, even though I am stuck at home!

Pack people, and tell me what you are packing so I can live vicariously.

Finn, feel better, bc you need to enjoy the trip!

Yes and yes!

Not a lot of time, need to go forage some lunch, but I wanted to share these!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

Well, if you want her to do something, generally she doesn't want to do it. (simply bc you want her to - she will find a way around it 9 times out of ten) . . .  she just has always chose her own path - which is fine, and generally a good thing. Except when she thinks that her way is best. I know I am just as frustrating about some things, and stubborn is def something we both have in plenty. She has always been a bit of an enigma to me, I just don't understand how she thinks.

Anyway, I am trying really hard lately to find positive things to say to and about her, but it's very, very hard. She isn't a bad person or anything. We just have less and less in common as we get older, and we never had much to start out with.

Sounds like me. A surefire way to make sure I don't do something is to tell me to do it.

The other day I told dh that I had a plan for getting the house organized. Each weekend we would work on one room and get it completely done. I added that that did not mean for him to jump up at 5 am on Saturday morning and start clapping his hands at me to get to work or I would do nothing. I have to tell him, not the other way around. Thank goodness he's usually pretty cooperative about that. hehe

I have the same issue with my stepsister. We introduced our parents and, afterward, she told her mom to marry my dad so we could be sisters. Now we really don't have anything at all in common. We started to grow apart when she hit middle school/puberty. She chose a different path from me. We get along when we see each other but that's only maybe 2-3 times a year. We don't talk or exchange chatty emails. We aren't close anymore.

JJ ~ Those pics are fabulous! She's so chunky!

[akind1]

JJ: awesome pics! you don't put enough pics on facebook, LOL (I think it's all I do, is put pics of the kids on FB) Ten has gotten so big! Did you get some swag??

MW: yeah, telling me to do something doesn/t really help light a fire under my butt. She and I had a brief period of solidarity when she was in college and before I had kids - I would visit her in the dorms and we'd hang out. But we just have always been very different people, despite looking similiar. I will say that she makes a point of valuing my opinion on certain things (and not our mother's for some reason) and she trusts me with things she doesn't trust many people with. If she weren't family, it would be a relationship that I wouldn't put much energy into - and eventually would peter out. Our parents wish we were closer, but also understand why we aren't - they don't understand her very much either. I am sure that's frustrating for her, to be not understood by her family, but her IL's adore her, and she them - so at least that's something. DH often says he feels sorry for her husband, LOL, bc she is def the sort that wants to be catered to.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 
I am so excited for the trip, even though I am stuck at home!

Pack people, and tell me what you are packing so I can live vicariously.

Finn, feel better, bc you need to enjoy the trip!

I'm totally going to start packing once I have the weather forecast!  LOL!

I'm going shopping tmw tho for odds and ends.  I'll post what I get!  Ha!

He's better!  Just TEETHING.  OMG he was up every hour last night crying.  CRYING.  Then i finally get him to nurse and hit bit me!  Ooooh I lost my patience a bit.  I texted DH and told him one more rough wake up and he was spending the night with him!!

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

JJ ~ Those pics are fabulous! She's so chunky!

Yeah that!!  She is really filling out!  That last pic of her I see a lot of her mama in her face!  

Oh - speech related -- Suddenly Nora is able to make the sc/sp sounds instead of f!! Fool is now school, fin is spin, fratch is scratch! So cool that it just happened on its own with no intervention what so ever!! It's an exciting thing for me and she's really excited too, I think she can tell she's saying things differently.

She is also now aware of she and her, and uses them correctly.  We never corrected her.  She just picked up on it.  She knows she did, too, b/c she'll say, "See, I said hers instead of shes," and she's quite proud of herself.

omg i'm so tired.  i just want to stuff my face with stir fry, put these knuckleheads in bed, and go to SLEEP.

Edited by Baby_Cakes - 9/10/12 at 4:50pm

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I'm totally going to start packing once I have the weather forecast!  LOL!
I'm going shopping tmw tho for odds and ends.  I'll post what I get!  Ha!

What odds and ends?

I'm going to have twice as much luggage as normal because I think we're going to need hot and cool weather clothes. And then I'll probably pack their rain gear just in case and swimming stuff.

I won't start packing until Thursday, probably.

[Baby_Cakes]

Snacks for the car, car ride distractions, detergent...

What alcohol is everyone bringing? I'll bring Riesling, whiskey. I can get blue Curacao too. Lmk.

Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2

[AnnieA]

akind1, I can't wait to see Norah's 1st b-day stuff! I bet it's going to be so cute! She looks so much older than she is to me. She's tall right?

JJ, Tenley is just too cute! I love seeing pics of her! And don't tell the photographer but I think you do a better job than they did!

Packing...I just checked the weather and it's supposed to be low 80s the whole time. I just walked outside a few mins ago and it's cold! So definitely bring at least one pair of pants and a jacket for our Sat night thing because once the sun goes down, it's getting chilly! Remember, I'm bringing toys so don't go crazy with that stuff. Maybe some books for the older ones but I'm bringing Ava's book basket too so the babies will have books. Right now, weather.com says it's 66 degrees in Williamsburg right now. There's only like a 10-20 % chance of rain every day at least right now so MW, you can probably be ok leaving the rain gear at home but your call.

I took Ava to the park this morning because the weather was so nice. There was a little boy there, maybe 2 yrs old and he did not like Ava for some reason. He kept saying "NO!" to her as he would walk by and at one point, he pointed at her and was kind of fussing/yelling? Ava wasn't bothered until the little boy's mom freaked out and was reprimanding him and then took him away and he was screaming. It kind of ruined her park time. She wouldn't really play after that and she kept watching that lady. She's very sensitive to other babies and people crying and I think she was pissed at that lady for making the little boy cry!