Jewish Mamas (& whomever else can help!) Need help planning my dd's bat mitzvah

[bunny's mama]

so dd is having her bat mitzvah next november (2013) and i think i need to get on the planning thing because my friends tell me you have to book locations a year in advance. shipes. BTW, we are reform.

here are my challenges:

1) she's changing so rapidly these days, how to plan a party for her a year in advance when i don't even know what she'll like tomorrow?

2) i've asked her what type of party she would like and this is stressing her out. a lot.

3) i don't want to spend $10K but i'm told this is pretty much standard even for a "low key" BM party (low key= no ice sculpture or caricaturist, LOL)

4) i don't even really know where to begin.

IMO, the service and the fact that she will read from the torah are the most important part of this. so i want a party that celebrates her coming of age, but in a way that respects the feeling of the spiritual event, KWIM? also, what do kids do at BMs these days? when i had mine, we were content with a DJ or band and to dance the whole time, but it seems like kids now need video games to keep them occupied, so what to do? we went to one BM that had a giant video game bus, but i thought it was obscene (kids did NOT agree with me).

anyway...help! i'd love to have links to websites, books or just info on survivors of bar/bat mitzvahs, quincineras, sweet 16s, ot whatever! thanks

[zebra15]

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not Jewish and I'm not religious but I do work with teenagers.

Honestly, planning the party should be a family event.  If its a BM, confirmation, sweet 16, whatever.  The focus should be on the 'event' and the ceremony and celebration.  I agree that finding  location is important and picking the date etc is important.  I guess you don't have the BM party at your house and just rent party tables and a tent and get a caterer?  

Just because one family had a video game bus doesn't mean YOUR family needs a video game bus.  Ya know.  Kids/teens are generally happy with food, soda (fruit punch or something) and an activity.  Dancing is great, whatever your 'theme' is go with it.  One family I know had a teen party with outdoor games.  Think bean bag toss, croquet, badminton, etc.  Another family had a DJ and disco ball - tons of balloons and streamers.  Both had lots of snacks, drinks, and cake.  One family had a chocolate fountain for dipping rice crispy treats and fruit in - That was a huge hit with the kids!

You need to decide what is right for you family.  What fits with your family budget.  Many families rent a hall and do the decorating themselves.

Planning early is a good way to watch sales and get some basic party type stuff.

Maybe don't ask your DD what she wants, but start with things she doesn't want.  Kinda like process of elimination.  Like what colors does she NOT like, what activity does she despise.  If you have a list of "no's" the yes's will come to light.  - I use this method when working with teens and they need to pick a topic for a research paper, or they need to start a project.  I have them list things they DONT want to do and from there we can find something they actually like!