Geo--I have the solution. You need to move to Colorado and send your kids to R's school. It would mitigate the bullying and should take care of the academic stuff on both ends too because our school is really flexible in working to meet social/emotional/academic needs without getting stuck on age/grade expectations. You have a fabulous professional record, so you shouldn't have trouble securing a spot at one of our fabulous universities (no, not mine, though they do have a new science building and would probably jump at the opportunity--
I've said the same thing about here. BUT there's the Mr Geofizz problem to also consider.
Commune. It's the only option.
Also, I have another idea. And since the administration seems to consistently send the message (intentionally or not) that it is ok to bully someone different, it seems like maybe the thing to do is to get behind the idea at looking at diversity. Your widowed mom friend gets crap from adults who live a different life. Your kid gets crap for being different. You live in a pretty (surficially) homogenous community. What you begin a campaign to celebrate diversity (other than the obvious racial diversity that most people think of).
And also: annual fall f*r*e*a*k out by oldest in full effect. GAH!!!!!!!