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September Chat Thread!!! - Page 4

post #61 of 71
Buko - that's super exciting. I've been feeling 'fish flops' for weeks and they're definitely getting stronger. I'm super excited for definitive kicks!!

Jodieanneanton- BARGH!! His mother has zero interest in meeting me because for some messed up reason she's continuing to pressure DP to get back with ex (despite all the disgusting and despicable things she's done) so she can save face or something. I am appalled a mother could care so little for her son. Ugh, so essentially she came up with a bunch of excuses not to meet me and we didn't go. However, DP told her off a bit and put his foot down and told her despite her excuses and protests we ARE COMING Thursday afternoon and to make her peace with it. Lol, this is going to go so well. "Hi, DP's mom. I know for some twisted reason you don't care about your son's happiness and as a result dislike me but I could care less. Oh yeah, I'm 4 months pregnant with a miracle baby and your behavior has seriously affected how active of a role you'll get to play in this pregnancy and your grandchildren's lives." Obviously I'm not going to say that but boy do I want to! DP and I had a deep talk about the whole mess and he doesn't care what excuse she comes up with. We're going and she's being told.
post #62 of 71
And they have been separated for several years and she's still pulling this!
post #63 of 71

Malzimus!  hug2.gif

 

My pregnancy before this one (and I mean RIGHT before-- I got pregnant this time within 6 weeks of the end of bleeding) was a m/c.  It was my first pregnancy and really tough.  I am going to tell you my whole experience, because I think I had a less-common reaction than most, and it might be helpful to you.

 

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

 

I had had a tiny bit of extremely light, brown spotting almost every day for a week+, and I was, at that point, 8w1d.  My MWs (by phone, as I hadn't even had a "real" appointment yet) had already advised me that the spotting (which was really incredibly light) could have any number of non-problematic causes, in addition to scary ones.  They also noted that if I were m/c, there's nothing that could be done, so it was really up to me whether to have an u/s.  I decided to wait.  At 8w1d (Good Friday-- and I had planned to tell my families that weekend at Easter and Passover), I had some bright red spotting, as opposed to the brownish stuff I had been having.  It was still very light, but it made me anxious, and I decided I wanted an u/s.  My MW got on the phone and got me an appointment THAT day (she's amazing) with a MFM place literally within walking distance.  DH came home from work and went with me.

 

The transvaginal u/s showed a 6w-6w2d yolk sac with maybe a tiny fetal pole...  no heartbeat.  The OB, who was actually pretty awesome (I'm sure that's why my MWs even have a relationship with him), said that if my dates were off, everything might be fine (you don't always see a hb until 7-8 weeks).  He agreed it "didn't look great," but also that it could go either way, and didn't want to recommend any course of action until I came back a week (actually 6 days) later and confirmed growth or no growth.  (They should really clone this guy-- I've heard way too many OBs just recommend a D&C at this same point.)  Now, I was devastated, because I was really, really sure of my dates, and even on the extreme low end had to be at least 7w5d.  I held out hope, but let me tell you-- those 6 days of waiting were h3ll. 

 

The worst week of my life. 

 

As luck would have it, DH had some use-it-or-lose-it days off in addition to the weekend, and actually was home with me (I work from home) for 5 of those 6 days.  And thank G-d for that!!  But it was still sheer torture.  Two nights before the confirmation u/s, I had a very strongly prophetic dream, wherein I really felt G-d was speaking to me.  He said I would lose that baby, but that I would get pregnant again within 6 weeks and the baby would be fine and would look like DH (bonus-- b/c DH was the World's Cutest Baby-- no lie).

 

I nearly had a panic attack in the MFM waiting room at 9w, thinking about how my life could be decided either way, how it all hinged on that one moment... and sure enough, the u/s showed no change at all.  Bad news.  Again, the quite-fantastic OB just gave me the pros and cons of D&C vs. m/c naturally at home, but made no specific recommendation.  Luckily (in a sense), I started bleeding "for real" (more like a period, not just spotting) the next day.  It took about a week of bleeding/passing clots, and then the bulk of my uterine contents/sac/etc... and then a little more bleeding for another week, up until the point I'd have been about 11w pregnant.  I was very fortunate not to need a D&C nor suffer any complications of m/c. 

 

As you know, the dream I had has come true so far.  I got pregnant again within two tries-- conceived exactly 5w6d after I stopped bleeding.

 

I will tell you this, though: I totally regret that first u/s.

 

The silver lining was that I knew what to expect once I had the second u/s...  The "real" bleeding at 9w1d was actually welcomed (as I didn't want a D&C), instead of possibly panicking me.  But the week of torture was just that-- torture.  The viewing of those disheartening u/s really sucked.  And nothing I did actually changed the course of what happened, nor could it have.  

 

This is a big part of the reason I decided to decline doppler with this pregnancy-- especially the first one, which would have been done at 11 weeks.  I have only minimal concerns about the effect of u/s (including doppler) on the baby, but I knew that there was a decent chance the MW would hear nothing, yet everything would be fine (per my previous comment to you)... and it was not worth the tsurris (worry, trouble).  Especially as there would be nothing I could do anyway, and if there were something wrong, it's very, very likely I would be having symptoms, such as spotting, which I didn't.

 

I know your situation is not the same as mine.  It's not.  You are a bit further along, etc., etc.-- for one, it's much less likely that they will recommend a wait-and-see approach if, G-d forbid, there is no heartbeat.  If you have lost the babe, it's possible that a D&C would be more advisable if it was further along in development.  Not exactly the same scenario as mine.

 

I only offer my experience as it might be something that triggers your own thoughts and feelings one way or the other. 

 

My thoughts on "closure" are that you will get closure, one way or the other... if that makes sense.  It's up to you which course you choose-- and of course, we're all praying that this is a subchorionic (sp?) bleed, etc., and baby is fine-- which you will also know in time, either way.  There are pros to the u/s, certainly...  I guess I'm just saying only you will be able to answer how necessary it is for "closure," and whether that closure is worth the possible negatives that may come with seeing the u/s.

 

FWIW, I got a third u/s with the previous pregnancy at about 9w6d, thinking I had passed the sac, and saw only a deflated sac, which meant I had bled a lot but not passed it.  A couple days later, I passed a ton of clots, etc., including what was more clearly the sac.  My bleeding leveled off and I never did get another u/s to "confirm" this.  Peed on a stick for a while until I no longer got lines, and that was my closure, I guess.  

 

 

 

I wish the very, very best for you in this difficult time!  Feel free to ask me any questions.    

post #64 of 71

With my miscarriage last year, I was lucky enough to not have any bleeding or spotting until the morning I woke up and was undoubtedly miscarrying.  At 8 weeks I was still a week or two away from an appointment, and the idea of doing anything (other than telling the midwives that I wouldn't be needing them at the moment) never came to mind.

 

Good luck in your decision though.  I'm not sure what I would do.

post #65 of 71

Thank you all!  I don't have a lot of time right now but just thought I'd do a quick update. 

 

I have an appointment for an ultrasound in one hour!  I have to go and hop in the shower, drink 32oz of water (and keep it there, lol!), get the children ready, wake the DH up and we'll drive about 20-30 mins to get there!  I'll try and post later once I know more.

 

P.S. GranolaMama09, THANK YOU for the u/s feedback about how you felt seeing your sweet babies.

post #66 of 71
Thread Starter 

Glad you are getting the u/s you need.  I made the same decision. I hope you get good/reassuring news!!! I'll be stalking this thread for your update. ((Hugs))

post #67 of 71

Ok, we're finally home after the ultrasound and a dinner stop.

 

I guess my Mummy intuition was right...the ultrasound showed an empty sac.  The lady was very nice, just as she was on the phone.

She said it *could* be that baby passed in the clots/bleeding but that based on what she was seeing she thought it looked like a

blighted ovum where the egg likely implanted but baby just didn't grow at all.  I guess? I did "lose a baby" and will subsequently miscarry but really from what I understand it's as if there was not one there to lose, yes/no?  My midwife has been wonderful.  She said we'd just see if my body takes care of the sac over the next couple of days and if it doesn't then I'll start taking herbs/natural things to help it along.  From what I've been reading, in my case, it's then that it would be called a miscarriage.  She said usually waiting 3 months is good before trying again.  I've given it a bit of thought but haven't got an answer on that one yet and DH and I haven't discussed it.

 

I'm sure there will be much more processing but I'm happy to finally have an answer and know that I wasn't crazy with how I was feeling less pregnant, etc.

 

Thank you for the support!

 

P.S.  Thanks jodieanneanton, you're so sweet. :)

post #68 of 71
Thread Starter 

malzimus- I am so so sorry.  You story is identical to mine.  Drs. said likely a blighted ovum but that there could have been a baby at one point that stopped developing early and had since deteriorated. I started spotting at 11 weeks, 6 days and sac measured 7 weeks, 5 days.  I passed the sac at home at 12 weeks, 5 days with no complications, but it was very similar to labor pain prior to passing the sac (I had 3-ish hours of "labor" for each of the two days before passing the sac and then passed it completely intact on the third day with no pain).  I am so so sorry for your loss.  ((HUGS)) if ok.  PM me anytime if you need to talk.  Meanwhile, I will be praying for you, your family and your aching heart.

post #69 of 71
Oh malzimus I am sorry sweetie. My OB also told me three months after my miscarriage and I wound up pregnant with my DD around that time. I was able to pass both of mine naturally but they were a bit earlier. Honestly, go with whatever definition makes you feel better. My first was more like a blighted ovum but the second was a baby. I'm glad you were able to get in and get results quickly though. The not knowing was the worst. (((malzimus)))
post #70 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by malzimus View Post

Ok, we're finally home after the ultrasound and a dinner stop.

 

I guess my Mummy intuition was right...the ultrasound showed an empty sac.  The lady was very nice, just as she was on the phone.

She said it *could* be that baby passed in the clots/bleeding but that based on what she was seeing she thought it looked like a

blighted ovum where the egg likely implanted but baby just didn't grow at all.  I guess? I did "lose a baby" and will subsequently miscarry but really from what I understand it's as if there was not one there to lose, yes/no?  My midwife has been wonderful.  She said we'd just see if my body takes care of the sac over the next couple of days and if it doesn't then I'll start taking herbs/natural things to help it along.  From what I've been reading, in my case, it's then that it would be called a miscarriage.  She said usually waiting 3 months is good before trying again.  I've given it a bit of thought but haven't got an answer on that one yet and DH and I haven't discussed it.

 

I'm sure there will be much more processing but I'm happy to finally have an answer and know that I wasn't crazy with how I was feeling less pregnant, etc.

 

Thank you for the support!

 

P.S.  Thanks jodieanneanton, you're so sweet. :)

Hi,

 

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. No mother should ever have to endure losing a baby, no matter at what stage of life it was in. I am lurking here from the April DDC. I am due early April with my fifth baby. My first three were very healthy pregnancies. Not one single problem. Born at home etc. I became pregnant with my fourth baby last October. Everything was going along find. I went in for my 20 week appointment and my midwife could not find the heartbeat. We did an ultrasound and found that the baby, our 4th daughter was indeed gone. I went in and saw my midwifes back up OB and he said the best thing to do was go home and let nature take its course. So I did. She was born two weeks later peacefully at home. She was born April 3rd. From what I have heard in the past from other midwives is that you will not become pregnant until your body is ready. There really is not a set amount of time that you should wait. If your body is not physically ready a pregnancy will not occur. I was not ready emotionally but I guess my body snapped back into things pretty quickly because we went away for the weekend in July to celebrate our anniversary. Even with practicing safe sex I became pregnant again. What a shock. As long as you are healthy, if you want to try again before that three month mark you should go for it. But take this time to grieve for your lost little one and be gentle with yourself. Hugs.

post #71 of 71
Malzimus-- I'm so sorry!

If it helps, I took evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea during my m/c, and as you know (not sure if you read under my spoiler cut), it went as well as could be expected. My MWs felt there was no reason I couldn't TTC again right away, and I did, and all was fine. I am not sure of any risks specific to blighted ovum, but the biggest risk in my case (if I had conceived before my next period, which I didn't-- it was the one after that) was inaccurate dating of the next pregnancy. Not much of a risk, with my religious charting, but it was there. There is evidence to suggest that most women are more fertile just after m/c, especially a natural m/c (as opposed to a D&C)... And little to no evidence IN GENERAL (not appicable to every specific case, of course) that there's much benefit to waiting to TTC again. Just sharing some other thoughts. My best to you!
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