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Who have you told or when are you telling? - Page 2

post #21 of 94

Our big debate.  When to tell whom.  I have no idea.  Told DH straight away.  Told my mother too.  Also told one friend  (who sees me almost every day and will know soon anyway) and the acupuncturist.  That's it so far.

 

We go back stateside for Thanksgiving.  I think that's when I'll tell the rest of my family and friends.  By then I will be past the 1st tri.  But we will see if I can hold in the secret that long!

post #22 of 94

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

(Stuff about telling family)

 

My mom is crazy  (borderline personality disorder)

 

(Other fun stuff about telling family, and a comment about the cool shirt)

 

OT: As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I find the comment about being "crazy" very offensive.

 

Back on topic, DF and I know, I guess he told everyone at his work and on some forums he's on, I've told y'all, and two or three friends at work, as well as supervisors. I'm waiting until after I get U/S or hear the heartbeat to tell anyone else. I really like that shirt, and assuming I can still even wear an XL, I'm considering getting it to wear on Halloween, as my original idea will have to wait until a Halloween I'm not pregnant. :P

post #23 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post

Quote:

 

OT: As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I find the comment about being "crazy" very offensive.

yeahthat.gif

 

 

We're telling just a select few of our family and friends until the second trimester, which is going to be a challenge as I am getting married this Saturday and am already showing! lol

post #24 of 94

I told my best friend because I felt like I really needed an addition support person (besides DH) and could use the extra prayers. We had been trying a long time for this pregnancy and had quite a few struggles a long the way.

 

I have to tell my SIL and BIL law next week. They invited us to a dinner party and my SIL is really excited about all this expensive and fancy wine she won/earned at work. Yeah, I won't be drinking it now...

 

We are planning to tell our parents after we have heard a heartbeat. My idea is Thanksgiving. When we go around the table saying what we are thankful for we will announce :) I'll probably Skype with my parents on Thanksgiving and maybe put DS in a Big Brother shirt and say "this is what we are thankful for!" :)

post #25 of 94
Well...I WISH I could tell everyone!

I have only told a couple of people so far (dw and I told one friend each and our parents)...I think I will wait for the heartbeat to tell the people that I work closely with at work--I have been pretty sick so I think it will be important to do so. I will probably not announce it on facebook at all knowing how hard it is for people with infertility to see. Either that, or I will announce it with my history as some sort of 'inspiration' that it can happen...but will not add updates (especially the week by week progress things!). We'll see...I still have some time to think about it...
post #26 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisedea View Post
 I will probably not announce it on facebook at all knowing how hard it is for people with infertility to see. Either that, or I will announce it with my history as some sort of 'inspiration' that it can happen...but will not add updates (especially the week by week progress things!). We'll see...I still have some time to think about it...

 

Exactly, I most likely will not be announcing on Facebook. I also struggled with infertility and was hurt by one to many Facebook announcements and pregnancy updates. We'll see, we do have time to think about it...it seems it would be very hurtful if I don't say anything and then a picture of my family winds up on Facebook and we suddenly have another child.

post #27 of 94
Thread Starter 

We will be telling DHs parents and his brother and brother's wife who don't yet know (we told his other brother when they visited a couple weeks ago) this weekend as we are having a family celebration for DH's parents 40th wedding anniversary.  I like to tell people in person when I can.  We had also previously told my parents and my sister knows (she guessed).  We will hold off on the rest of the family (aunts, grandparents, etc.) until after the first trimester screen.  We are cautious.

 

We have told our nanny, and we have told one other couple we are close friends with.  I also want to tell one other close friend but could use advice on how to do so.  We both shared that we were TTC with eachother and she struggled with infertility with DD1 and seems to be struggling again.  I want her to know from me before she hears from someone else (likely from DHs parents or my SIL or BIL as they are very close friends with this friend and her DH as well) but want to be considerate and gentle.  It was hard for her to hear last time as she'd already been trying for more than 6 mos when I conceived DS on the first month trying.  She ended up conceiving her DD the same month I had DS.  Any tips?  Should I just wait to tell her in hopes that she conceives successfully after her apt with her specialist in Oct?  I don't want to hurt her by NOT sharing the news as soon as possible.

 

Before finding out I was pregnant I had a very vivid dream that I was pregnant at 9DPO and this friend was also very pregnant in my dream. 

post #28 of 94
nstewart--As someone on the infertility end of it (and with multiple friends getting pregnant while I struggled), I would tell her right away before anyone else does. Expect her to be really sad though--even if she is happy for you, it will probably be really hard for her. Also, I had to pull myself away from the friendships for awhile for my own sanity--if she does that (especially if she doesn't get pregnant right away), try not to take it personally and know that she is just trying to survive. Good luck! You are a good friend for being so sensitive!
post #29 of 94

Nstewart - I agree with PP and am also someone on the IF end it that had MULTIPLE friends become pregnant and have babies while we were ttc. I would tell her right away before anyone else does or before she accidentally finds out (even worse). It will be hard for her. Again, as PP said, she may need to pull away from you for a while and may not want to talk about your pregnancy (I know I certainly had to do this). But, if you are a true friend you will understand and be there for her when she is ready to come back at her own pace. It's not that she won't be happy for you, she will just feel so so disappointed in herself. It is a rough rough road. I wish more people were as sensitive of a friend as you are :)

post #30 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post

Quote:

 

OT: As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I find the comment about being "crazy" very offensive.

 

Back on topic, DF and I know, I guess he told everyone at his work and on some forums he's on, I've told y'all, and two or three friends at work, as well as supervisors. I'm waiting until after I get U/S or hear the heartbeat to tell anyone else. I really like that shirt, and assuming I can still even wear an XL, I'm considering getting it to wear on Halloween, as my original idea will have to wait until a Halloween I'm not pregnant. :P

 

OT:  Bmcneal, my apologies.  I certainly never meant for my post to be offensive.  There are obviously varying degrees to the disorder and, in my experience with my mother, she falls clearly on the crazy, make my life a living hell side.  She's called me much, much worse and treated me even worse than that so I feel as though my assessment in this situation is accurate.  It was not a judgement call on anyone else who happens to have the same disorder.  My mother is not even self aware enough to realize that she has a disorder so the fact that you are speaks volumes about the differences between you and her.  Any future references to "my crazy mother" will also not be meant as a slight against you so please don't take it that way.  It's just me speaking about my reality.

 

Back on topic:  Told my boss today because I wasn't feeling great again this morning and stayed to work at home for a bit.  Of course my little poppyseed was just trolling me and I felt better about 10 minutes after I sent DH to work without me.  I came in a few hours later and he asked how I was feeling and commented on how I was having a bad run.  It just kinda seemed like a good point to say, 'yea, about that...'  He's the first non-healthcare-related person we've told IRL.  It went as I expected it too.  He's an awesome boss and, as I'm around the same age as his kids, I sometimes think he sees me a bit as a daughter so he's very supportive and accommodating which is really nice.  I don't know why I was so nervous about it.

post #31 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

 

OT:  Bmcneal, my apologies.  I certainly never meant for my post to be offensive.  There are obviously varying degrees to the disorder and, in my experience with my mother, she falls clearly on the crazy, make my life a living hell side.  She's called me much, much worse and treated me even worse than that so I feel as though my assessment in this situation is accurate.  It was not a judgement call on anyone else who happens to have the same disorder.  My mother is not even self aware enough to realize that she has a disorder so the fact that you are speaks volumes about the differences between you and her.  Any future references to "my crazy mother" will also not be meant as a slight against you so please don't take it that way.  It's just me speaking about my reality.

 

Back on topic:  Told my boss today because I wasn't feeling great again this morning and stayed to work at home for a bit.  Of course my little poppyseed was just trolling me and I felt better about 10 minutes after I sent DH to work without me.  I came in a few hours later and he asked how I was feeling and commented on how I was having a bad run.  It just kinda seemed like a good point to say, 'yea, about that...'  He's the first non-healthcare-related person we've told IRL.  It went as I expected it too.  He's an awesome boss and, as I'm around the same age as his kids, I sometimes think he sees me a bit as a daughter so he's very supportive and accommodating which is really nice.  I don't know why I was so nervous about it.

 

It's alright. Just a combination of people telling me I'm crazy mixed with I get very emotional with pregnancy, so... I probably overreacted a little bit. I'm sorry, too.

 

I told a couple more people at work today, mostly because I am emotional right now and got tired of everyone saying how everyone is in a foul mood.

post #32 of 94

We told DHs parents on Sunday which was fun.  We then told his sisters and my brothers too.  This is our last baby so I wanted to have some fun with it so I made my mom and DHs mom necklaces.  (just an ultrasound pic I printed off the internet.)  My mom won't actually get hers until tomorrow because she lives in Colo. and was on a trip.  So she doesn't know yet.  It seems odd to tell other people before my mom but I am not one to keep it a secret.  So right now family and a few close friends know.

 

post #33 of 94

I am really reluctant to tell any one else other then my mother, MIL and 3 close friends (who are all in different countries or states).  One of those friends is also struggling with infertility.  We are supposed to skype this weekend and I am debating about telling that friend now.  Seems like my mother is pressuring me to tell my father.  But I know where that leads.  By the time I decide to make the announcement, everyone in my family will know, if they don't already from my mother (even though there were explicit requests not to tell).

 

I also do not know when I should tell DD.  She is 6.  I lost her older brother in still birth and I don't know how well she would deal with a new loss.  My son Luke is a part of our family as any treasured family member who has passed on usually is.  She sees him as someone who takes care of her in a big brother/guardianship kind of way.  It is something that I could not hide from her knowing that I was blind-sided by my family's medical history.  I do not want her to be ignorant when she decides to have her first.

 

I have a rocky history.  Out of 4 pregnancies, I only have one live birth.  I know I want her to share in this with us, but right now it is up and down for me.  Anxiety is not my friend either.  I worry about telling her too much (she is very sensitive and perceptive) and too soon.  I also worry she will hear it accidently from one of us.  I think she has already caught us talking over her head about the baby and has some suspicsions.  I am also concerned because I can't hide the morning (which is really afternoon and evening) sickness.  I have a tough time eating when I am ill and she sees it.  I can tell she is starting to get worried (she frequently is asking me how I am feeling).  This is probably because I am not always super well and healthy (due to rheumatoid arthritis) and I think this also worries her.  Her father (my ex) is not healthy and he always tells her everything little detail (for example: he had a heart attack about a month ago.  He had to tell her that he was in the hospital again and why.  Even called on skype from the hospital to make this big announcement).  DD is also has anxiety and ADD.

 

Where is the balance?  

post #34 of 94

Well since this turned into a double post....

 

CoBabyMaker, those are cute necklaces!

post #35 of 94
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacquelinej View Post

I am really reluctant to tell any one else other then my mother, MIL and 3 close friends (who are all in different countries or states).  One of those friends is also struggling with infertility.  We are supposed to skype this weekend and I am debating about telling that friend now.  Seems like my mother is pressuring me to tell my father.  But I know where that leads.  By the time I decide to make the announcement, everyone in my family will know, if they don't already from my mother (even though there were explicit requests not to tell).

 

I also do not know when I should tell DD.  She is 6.  I lost her older brother in still birth and I don't know how well she would deal with a new loss.  My son Luke is a part of our family as any treasured family member who has passed on usually is.  She sees him as someone who takes care of her in a big brother/guardianship kind of way.  It is something that I could not hide from her knowing that I was blind-sided by my family's medical history.  I do not want her to be ignorant when she decides to have her first.

 

I have a rocky history.  Out of 4 pregnancies, I only have one live birth.  I know I want her to share in this with us, but right now it is up and down for me.  Anxiety is not my friend either.  I worry about telling her too much (she is very sensitive and perceptive) and too soon.  I also worry she will hear it accidently from one of us.  I think she has already caught us talking over her head about the baby and has some suspicsions.  I am also concerned because I can't hide the morning (which is really afternoon and evening) sickness.  I have a tough time eating when I am ill and she sees it.  I can tell she is starting to get worried (she frequently is asking me how I am feeling).  This is probably because I am not always super well and healthy (due to rheumatoid arthritis) and I think this also worries her.  Her father (my ex) is not healthy and he always tells her everything little detail (for example: he had a heart attack about a month ago.  He had to tell her that he was in the hospital again and why.  Even called on skype from the hospital to make this big announcement).  DD is also has anxiety and ADD.

 

Where is the balance?  

I haven't had the same struggles as you, so I can't completely understand where you are coming from.  But, from what you have posted, it sounds like if (heaven forbid) you did lose this pregnancy you would want to share that with DD as you have your loss of her big brother.  It would be hard to hid in any event, as I imagine it would be very emotional for you and that would be reflected externally in your behaviour, etc.  If that is the case and if she is becoming anxious and worried about your morning sickness, then would it not be better to tell her sooner rather than later so that she can share in your joy and also not be so worried about you?

 

Again, I don't understand completely but I do have some context.  My mother had many miscarriages (5 or 6) and a few of them were late in her pregnancy like your DS (she talks about having a funeral for 1 baby, and I was actually a twin and my twin was stillborn so she must have done something for him as well).  So having a family history I do understand some of your anxiety as I was very anxous when pregnant with DS for this reason.  When I was pregnant with my DS my mom and I talked alot about her feelings and her pain.  So I just want to give you a big hug2.gif and let you know that I do have a little sister.  So despite all her struggles and losses, she did have two healthy babies.  I hope the same for you.

 

You are right (as mentioned in another post) that it is a pretty taboo subject in our generation and I think that is unfortunate.  Pregnancy and birth in general are pretty taboo.

post #36 of 94
jacquelinej, that's hard, if I were in your shoes I'd probably talk to her about it soon, especially if you think she already knows or at least suspects. While she might still be worried for you, if she isn't sure what is going on I would think it would be less anxiety for her if she knows why you are sick. But you do whatever you need to do!

I'm waiting to tell my DD because she is so young (3 in November) and I don't have morning sickness, so she won't notice something is up until I start showing. She knows about babies in tummies, I actually had a conversation with her this morning where she pointed out a baby and I told her that she used to be my little baby and then she asked (parphrasing) if she was a baby in my tummy, so cute, and I told her yes. Anyway, we'll tell her once we're ready for everyone to know as I sure she would be talking about it to everyone at her daycare as soon as we tell her.
post #37 of 94

So far my sister knows, my daddy,  hubby's mom,  2 of my husbands brothers, 1 of his sisters and one SIL. And then the mom of his son (long story)...
 

post #38 of 94

So far my sister knows, my daddy,  hubby's mom,  2 of my husbands brothers, 1 of his sisters and one SIL. And then the mom of his son (long story)...
 

post #39 of 94

I'm the type to tell everyone right away and so is hubby. I would love all my friends and family's prayers and support and take no issue hypothetically with them praying and supporting me should I miscarry. I have thankfully never had to go through that though. I have told my sister and parents and my hubby told some of his family including his parents, of course.

 

I emailed my parents and texted my sister. She texted me a week and a half ago to tell me she was. It was kind of hilarious because we haven't spoken in a long while and she was on BC. I told her I thought I was too when we talked on the phone later that day and my parents already knew I thought I was because she was at their house when I told her and my mom guessed based on my sister's reaction. LOL

Now, I know my suspicions were correct. So weird!


Tomorrow I'll probably post it for all my facebook friends to see. I just wanted to give a day for my family to see it first.

post #40 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwilightJoy View Post

We haven't told anyone yet, I'm liking having it just between DH and I IRL right now. We're heading out of state to my parents house the 3rd weekend in September, so we will likely tell them then, and then his parents soon after. I know my parents will be shocked. We've been telling them that we're not ready, as we didn't want pressure for grandkids (this will be the first grandkid on both my side and DH's side). Any clever ideas for how to spring it on them?

I really want to tell my best friend, as she just texted me and said she's pregnant again- and due in early May- same as me!!! But DH wants me to keep it quiet so I'm respecting that.

Once I get proof that there is a little baby in there (ultrasound or doppler) I'll probably be more comfortable telling people.

We won't announce it to the world (aka facebook) until around Halloween.

My best friend is pregnant too! She is about 6 or 7 weeks ahead of me. Our kids are close already but it will be cool to have kids really close in age. Her kids are 4 and 10 months and my DD is 19 months.

 

I've been bad about telling people about my pregnancy so far. I have been kinda just telling people as it comes up and in no particular order. My best friend, hubby's best friend, a few of my close girl cousins know, and one of hubby's cousins know but none of our parents know or siblings. Oops! I suppose I will have to tell before it gets around to them. I actually have no relationship with my parents or brother (which is both sad but healthy and better than having a relationship with them) so I don't know when my parents will find out or from whom. My parents and brother also have no relationship with any of my cousins, etc. so I am sure it will take a while for them to find out. I guess they will maybe find out somehow through facebook or something. I don't have facebook but maybe from someone else. It's been a year since I have even heard from my parents so it is weird to think they have no idea.

 

Anyway, we are extremely close to DH's parents and family and they literally live a mile away and are really involved in DD's life. I actually just got a call from DH's grandma wanting to know if I want to come over and have pie tonight love.gif and I am trying to weigh my pukey level and decide if I should go or not.

 

Sorry, this is starting to get rambley, but I am 8 weeks tomorrow already and it seems like my bloating has gone down so now I feel like if I wanted to hide it or wait to tell people I wouldn't really show for a while this time. Plus we have been having sweatshirt/sweater weather so that makes it easier too.

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