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Who have you told or when are you telling? - Page 3

post #41 of 94

Ironically enough, after all my debates, last night DD (6 years old) wanted desperately to talk about babies.  I don't know why.  She wanted to talk about how they eat, how they sleep, how they do everything including minute details about play.  So we talked and talked last night about babies, but I just didn't feel right telling her yet.  I'm going to wait until the confirm scan next week, which I think might be too early so I may have to wait another 2 weeks.  

post #42 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacquelinej View Post

Ironically enough, after all my debates, last night DD (6 years old) wanted desperately to talk about babies.  I don't know why.  She wanted to talk about how they eat, how they sleep, how they do everything including minute details about play.  So we talked and talked last night about babies, but I just didn't feel right telling her yet.  I'm going to wait until the confirm scan next week, which I think might be too early so I may have to wait another 2 weeks.  


Wow, this is really ironic! Because my DS, age 5 read a body book or something at the library, and questioned me about similar things last night too! I wanted to tell him, but i'm going to wait until our scan next week seeing as we've had some issues, we actually got a heartbeat, but they were saying we possibly lost a twin?? I didn't get proper answers, so I have loads more to ask next week. Maybe after that if they're sure everything is ok then i'll tell him.

post #43 of 94
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

 

  I also want to tell one other close friend but could use advice on how to do so.  We both shared that we were TTC with eachother and she struggled with infertility with DD1 and seems to be struggling again.  I want her to know from me before she hears from someone else (likely from DHs parents or my SIL or BIL as they are very close friends with this friend and her DH as well) but want to be considerate and gentle.  It was hard for her to hear last time as she'd already been trying for more than 6 mos when I conceived DS on the first month trying.  She ended up conceiving her DD the same month I had DS.  Any tips?  Should I just wait to tell her in hopes that she conceives successfully after her apt with her specialist in Oct?  I don't want to hurt her by NOT sharing the news as soon as possible.

 

Just wanted to update.  I called my friend last night after telling my MIL and FIL this weekend (felt that parents should know before friends and knew that she wouldn't find out from someone else until at least after they knew).  Of course, she said she knew as soon as I phoned that I was preggers (we don't talk on the phone all that often, and she lives 6 hours away).  She is excited for us but I know a bit dissapointed not to be herself.  Of course she was wonderful about it and I knew she appreciated the call and that I didn't wait until we were 12 weeks to tell her.  She has an appointment with a specialist in mid-October (I think getting her tubes flushed?) and got pregnant immedietly with DD after having the same procedure done in 2010.  So mammas, send baby dust her way, o.k.?

 

So, now that MIL knows, I can guarantee that DHs aunts, uncles, cousins, and every person she knows who might know us will know within a week that we're expecting.  I LOVE my MIL, but she can't keep a secret to save her life!  I know so much about her sisters that I have no right to know for exactly that reason and the entire town new my BIL and SIL were expecting the day that they POAS with DD2 because we went to midnight mass after they told us their news and MIL and FIL told everyone in the choir with them and then started telling everyone else they saw in church too. eyesroll.gif  Anyway, I shared that just for a chuckle.

post #44 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

"Just wanted to update.  I called my friend last night after telling my MIL and FIL this weekend (felt that parents should know before friends and knew that she wouldn't find out from someone else until at least after they knew).  Of course, she said she knew as soon as I phoned that I was preggers (we don't talk on the phone all that often, and she lives 6 hours away).  She is excited for us but I know a bit dissapointed not to be herself.  Of course she was wonderful about it and I knew she appreciated the call and that I didn't wait until we were 12 weeks to tell her.  She has an appointment with a specialist in mid-October (I think getting her tubes flushed?) and got pregnant immedietly with DD after having the same procedure done in 2010.  So mammas, send baby dust her way, o.k.?

 

So, now that MIL knows, I can guarantee that DHs aunts, uncles, cousins, and every person she knows who might know us will know within a week that we're expecting.  I LOVE my MIL, but she can't keep a secret to save her life!  I know so much about her sisters that I have no right to know for exactly that reason and the entire town new my BIL and SIL were expecting the day that they POAS with DD2 because we went to midnight mass after they told us their news and MIL and FIL told everyone in the choir with them and then started telling everyone else they saw in church too. eyesroll.gif  Anyway, I shared that just for a chuckle."

 

 

MY POST:

Lol, that's hilarious! Your MIL sounds like mine.. and my DH's entire family really. When I was pregnant with DS we pulled 1 of DH's siblings aside one evening because we wanted to tell someone and she's one of the more trustworthy ones. MIL overheard and within 5 minutes our phones were ringing and ringing with firstly other brothers & sisters and then cousins and aunties and uncles... the lot! All wanting to ask was it true and to congratulate us. None of them could keep a secret if their life's depended on it!

And i'm sending baby dust your friends way! Wishing her luck!

Ooops I put my post in the quote box!!! And it won't copy & paste

post #45 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacquelinej View Post

I am really reluctant to tell any one else other then my mother, MIL and 3 close friends (who are all in different countries or states).  One of those friends is also struggling with infertility.  We are supposed to skype this weekend and I am debating about telling that friend now.  Seems like my mother is pressuring me to tell my father.  But I know where that leads.  By the time I decide to make the announcement, everyone in my family will know, if they don't already from my mother (even though there were explicit requests not to tell).

 

I also do not know when I should tell DD.  She is 6.  I lost her older brother in still birth and I don't know how well she would deal with a new loss.  My son Luke is a part of our family as any treasured family member who has passed on usually is.  She sees him as someone who takes care of her in a big brother/guardianship kind of way.  It is something that I could not hide from her knowing that I was blind-sided by my family's medical history.  I do not want her to be ignorant when she decides to have her first.

 

I have a rocky history.  Out of 4 pregnancies, I only have one live birth.  I know I want her to share in this with us, but right now it is up and down for me.  Anxiety is not my friend either.  I worry about telling her too much (she is very sensitive and perceptive) and too soon.  I also worry she will hear it accidently from one of us.  I think she has already caught us talking over her head about the baby and has some suspicsions.  I am also concerned because I can't hide the morning (which is really afternoon and evening) sickness.  I have a tough time eating when I am ill and she sees it.  I can tell she is starting to get worried (she frequently is asking me how I am feeling).  This is probably because I am not always super well and healthy (due to rheumatoid arthritis) and I think this also worries her.  Her father (my ex) is not healthy and he always tells her everything little detail (for example: he had a heart attack about a month ago.  He had to tell her that he was in the hospital again and why.  Even called on skype from the hospital to make this big announcement).  DD is also has anxiety and ADD.

 

Where is the balance?  

 

So also an update from me.  We had our first scan done and lo and behold, I was right.  My size is perfect for my O date.  We did hear a heartbeat at 116 BPM and saw the baby but it was too early for an echocardio (where they check the heart function).  I'll update the appointments thread in a moment about what they told us.

 

I told my closest friend and her DH on Sunday, who is also a close friend of my DH.  I almost didn't tell her.  And if she had told me first what was going on in their world, I would have held back.  But the conversation kind of stalled (we don't usually talk on the phone, only in person and email) so I just blurted out that we were looking into baby names....  They were very happy and excited.  They even offered to let us stay with them for the 3 months we will be back in Boston!  Those 2 are really the best!  But we know that could make for a stressful situation if my friend is not pregnant by then.  I know she needs space too.  They are dealing with a medical problem that is delaying their conception time by 6 months.  One of the reasons we want to return to Boston is so that we can share this with them, our closest friends.  But it's going to be hard, I know it is.

 

I am still in this dilema about telling DD.  We have been hypothetically speaking about a pregnancy and baby since she did the whole Baby quiz thing a week ago.  I am really eager to tell her, but I know once I do it will also be a never ending run of questions and comments (welcome to nearly 7 year old conversation!).  Today I talked to her about miscarriages in general and about how sometimes babies go to heaven before they get to be born, like her brother.  It was a sad conversation although she handled it really well and understood completely.  She didn't dwell on it or get sad.  I think it's just me being more emotional today as this really starts to be real (I am teary now!).  

 

I am thinking about telling her on Sunday since it may be 2 more weeks before I go for another scan.  And plans are starting to really get in the open as more and more people get involved.  We had to tell DH's boss so we could find out our options for paid leave, if there is paid leave, and to let the boss know well in advance.

 

My mother is really pushing for me to tell my father...I think I will tell both my father and DD on Sunday.  I just have to make sure I instruct both not to reveal until we get home in November.

post #46 of 94

We'll be telling close family this weekend including my, er, problematic mother.  Still not sure when to tell the world at large, aka, Facebook.  Thinking of either getting that awesome pregnant skeleton shirt (but the cheapo in me has trouble spending $30 on a shirt) or maybe carving the due date on a pumpkin and holding it in front of my belly.  Maybe have DH do one with a grin on it, and then one for the pup that says she's going to be a big sister...

post #47 of 94
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

We'll be telling close family this weekend including my, er, problematic mother.  Still not sure when to tell the world at large, aka, Facebook.  Thinking of either getting that awesome pregnant skeleton shirt (but the cheapo in me has trouble spending $30 on a shirt) or maybe carving the due date on a pumpkin and holding it in front of my belly.  Maybe have DH do one with a grin on it, and then one for the pup that says she's going to be a big sister...

Love the pumpkin idea!  So cute!  Can I steal it???

post #48 of 94
I need a cute triplet shirt (I LOVED the skeleton one but they only go up to twins)! If anyone stumbles across one, please send it my way!

ETA: nevermind! check it out! http://gladditudesbumptees.spreadshirt.com/triplets-skeleton-maternity-costume-A10746533/customize/color/2
Edited by lisedea - 9/28/12 at 3:59pm
post #49 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

Love the pumpkin idea!  So cute!  Can I steal it???

Go for it!  DH thought it was cheesy.

 

Told the family this weekend.  My MIL was supposed to come out for dinner on Sunday but I felt like crap thanks to this super persistant migraine.  So we ended up telling her and everyone else on the phone.  MIL was super excited and apparently was all smiles today when she saw my BIL saying she gets to be a nana again.  Pretty sure we scared her at first though because she asked how I was feeling and DH said he needed to talk to her about that. i think she thought something was wrong.  But she's very excited.  

 

Sent a text then of the u/s picture to my BIL/SIL and my bro and SIL.  Got a text back right away from dh's family congratulating us and then making sure it was a baby not a tumor, lol.  They're super excited too!  Didn't get a response from my bro so I went on facebook and messaged them.  Turns out my sil didn't have dh's phone number and my bro uses google so he can't get picture texts so they thought it was a wrong number at first.  They're pretty stoked too.

 

It took me about 30 minutes to be able to actually direct my mother to a point where i could tell her. I ended up looping back toward it by telling her I couldn't take my normal migraine stuff because I was pregnant.  She took it in her normal creepy, obsessive manner.  She had been testing me for the last 3 weeks waiting to see if I'd call because my brother dared to send her an email discussing the fact that he needed her to respect some boundaries and she got all woe is her and decided not to contact her children anymore (but never told me...).  I knew what she was pulling as my brother had copied me on her emails but seriously, how very, very childish.  I was sad to break the nice, quiet streak by calling and she sounded annoyed with me when I did call at first and now, unfortunately, her 'I'm not going to call my children' stance with me is probably broken.  Doesn't mean i have to answer, however.  I'm already getting guilt trips about us not wanting to stay for all of Thanksgiving break (heaven forbid I might want to rest, regardless of which trimester I'm in) and she's insisting that I let her feel my belly when the baby moves just once and going on and on about she can't wait to lay with me...ew and WTF?!?  So this will be a fun 7+ months I'm sure and I foresee myself sending a similar email to my brother's at some point.  After the gushing she promptly went back to complaining about my brother and how he puts his family before her.

 

Left a message for my dad, he hasn't called me back...

 

Oh, and i had told her we were just telling immediate family and reiterated that via email when I sent her a picture from the u/s...yea, she already told my grandparents.  We figured we'd wait until closer to the end of the first trimester, just in case, seeing as they're in their 90's but I guess that's out the window.

post #50 of 94
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

Go for it!  DH thought it was cheesy.

 

Oh, I live for cheesy!

 

Look at all these awesome Halloween t-shirts!  I love the pumpkin but don't think I'll have enough of a bump to make it work.  http://www.squidoo.com/funny-maternity-shirts-for-halloween

 

She has Christmas ones too!  I am thinking of ordering this one for our work Christmas party.  It's an ugly sweater party, but I think the t-shirt will just be easier.

post #51 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

Look at all these awesome Halloween t-shirts!  I love the pumpkin but don't think I'll have enough of a bump to make it work.  http://www.squidoo.com/funny-maternity-shirts-for-halloween

 

"I'm dressed up as my mom" ROTFLMAO.gif

post #52 of 94

ntewart, those are some awesome shirts!

 

I had to look beyond the holiday designs and love this one:

Maternity T-Shirt
 

post #53 of 94

That is so cute!

post #54 of 94
So we visited my parents this weekend and apparently my Mom has told all her friends as they were all congratulating me when they saw me,even though I told her we weren't telling everyone until after the first appointment rolleyes.gif Oh well, I did know she would as she always spills the beans as she just can't keep it in and I joke that the best way to let everyone know something is to tell Mom, but it isn't a joke smile.gif This is why when my sister and I talk about certain things, we clarify at the end, "But don't tell Mom!" "Of course not!" if it is something we actually want to keep a secret.

I may just tell people at work soon, I dunno, if there is a good opportunity I might take it, otherwise I'll just make the announcement after my first OB appointment with an e-mail to everyone.
post #55 of 94

My husband was out of town so I didn't bother to take the test until the morning he was due home.  Then while out shopping I spotted newborn diapers on sale.  I picked up a pack, put the BFP test on top with a note saying that we'd be needing these (the diapers) soon then left it in an obvious place and waited for him to spot it!

 

My parents are leaving to visit my brother for a couple of months so they are holding an early Thanksgiving with my in-laws next weekend.  I'll only be 7 weeks but it's too good an opportunity to tell them both at the same time to miss!  I wanted to tell my parents in person before they left anyway!

 

I've got some cousin's coming from Belgium at the end of the month so we'll tell them in person while they are here.  It's kind of funny that the last time we saw them was so early in my last pregnancy that I had had to ask my cousin where to get and how to ask for a pregnancy test while we were over in Belgium/France! 

 

I'm seriously thinking about one of the maternity T-shirts for announcing to the rest of my husband's family at Halloween.  An e-mail will probably go out to my extended family at about the same time though I'm tempted to wait until Thanksgiving so we can tell them in person.
 

post #56 of 94

I finally told DD last Saturday.  She is so excited.  Then she told Papa (my father) on skype by saying "Papa I'm going to be a big sister!".  My father.  My poor father.  He could not make heads or tails of this statement because I have been infertile for 5+ years.  He was sitting there staring at us through skype for the longest time.  FInally I asked him if he understood and he said "I think so".  

 

I talked to my mom today and asked her if he understood and she said he does now and he is really excited.  But what had him so bewildered was the infertility along with all the medical problems that initially indicated I would not be able to have more children.  I think much of my family will be very surprised when we announce at Thanksgiving.  I am not flying in until the day before, so I have to order a shirt or something for me and/or DD because as soon as we walk in on T-day, everyone will suspect and it will be fun to see their faces!  I know some of my family (my older brother) will not understand the magnitude of this accomplishment because obviously, his life is *always* more difficult.  But at least my father totally understands it and for that I am truly thankful.

post #57 of 94

"Officially," we have only told our 3 kids... I have a DStepS, who is 29 and has a DD and DStepD of his own, and he is in the "not told yet" camp.  My DH keeps telling people he would have 2 more if he could, so I know he's setting everyone up for the news.

 

I have told my BFs: one lives here, one lives in NC and one in South FL (she's also my distant cousin) but I haven't told DH that I have told anyone.  Plus, I have told a couple of random friends at the DDs' ballet school because they see me all the time.  The checkout lady at the grocery store knows because of when I bought the test (and busted my butt - another hint that I was pg along with funny smells and tastes)... And in our town everyone knows everyone, so she asked my DH about it the other when he went in there.  He claimed to know nothing.  LOL!

I'd rather people know around here, but I am not ready to tell family, so not posting on FB.  My adoptive family and my DH's family are not super-supportive.  When DS (3#) was born, my dad said, "I've got some tools in the basement that can make sure that never happens again."  Yeah, totally obnoxious, but that is just my family.  We don't have much of a relationship to either side.  I am not ready for their comments.  Yes, they'd get over it, but the "Do you really need one more?" comments can be put off for a while. 

My birth family would be more supportive and I will tell them by Christmas... Only because that will be the next time I probably see them again.  One of my late aunts had 7 kids and my grandmother had 6, so they are pretty non-judgmental regarding having large families.
 

post #58 of 94

It's weird that it's been over a week since I called my dad and left a message (he doesn't often answer when I call) telling him and I haven't heard a peep back, right?  Granted, he normally calls me at work and I've worked from home the last 3 days, but still.  Not an email, facebook message, nada.  I know he wasn't thrilled when my brother got his fiance pregnant but considering that he wasn't technically divorced yet and he didn't know that their relationship had been going on as long as it really had been.  But yea, DH and I have been married almost 6 years, just sold our condo and bought a house and paid off our student loans.  We're pretty much the definition of stable.  What gives?

post #59 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

 

It took me about 30 minutes to be able to actually direct my mother to a point where i could tell her. I ended up looping back toward it by telling her I couldn't take my normal migraine stuff because I was pregnant.  She took it in her normal creepy, obsessive manner.  She had been testing me for the last 3 weeks waiting to see if I'd call because my brother dared to send her an email discussing the fact that he needed her to respect some boundaries and she got all woe is her and decided not to contact her children anymore (but never told me...).  I knew what she was pulling as my brother had copied me on her emails but seriously, how very, very childish.  I was sad to break the nice, quiet streak by calling and she sounded annoyed with me when I did call at first and now, unfortunately, her 'I'm not going to call my children' stance with me is probably broken.  Doesn't mean i have to answer, however.  I'm already getting guilt trips about us not wanting to stay for all of Thanksgiving break (heaven forbid I might want to rest, regardless of which trimester I'm in) and she's insisting that I let her feel my belly when the baby moves just once and going on and on about she can't wait to lay with me...ew and WTF?!?  So this will be a fun 7+ months I'm sure and I foresee myself sending a similar email to my brother's at some point.  After the gushing she promptly went back to complaining about my brother and how he puts his family before her.

 

Left a message for my dad, he hasn't called me back...

 

Oh, and i had told her we were just telling immediate family and reiterated that via email when I sent her a picture from the u/s...yea, she already told my grandparents.  We figured we'd wait until closer to the end of the first trimester, just in case, seeing as they're in their 90's but I guess that's out the window.

 

 

oh gosh.. your relationship with your mum.. and your mum in general sounds like mine.. i am SO nervous about my mum finidng out.. as soon as she does it will be all about her as always.. even though she has had nothing to do with my life what so ever for 10 years, and barely for a further 5..  i dont even want to tell her, i know she will find out tho, and im going through planning for christmas trauma as my cousins just about to have her baby so my family want to go down to her to see her, her hubby and the baby at christmas.. but this means spending elongated amounts of time with my family, which quite frankly completely terrifys me!!!

post #60 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

It's weird that it's been over a week since I called my dad and left a message (he doesn't often answer when I call) telling him and I haven't heard a peep back, right?  Granted, he normally calls me at work and I've worked from home the last 3 days, but still.  Not an email, facebook message, nada.  I know he wasn't thrilled when my brother got his fiance pregnant but considering that he wasn't technically divorced yet and he didn't know that their relationship had been going on as long as it really had been.  But yea, DH and I have been married almost 6 years, just sold our condo and bought a house and paid off our student loans.  We're pretty much the definition of stable.  What gives?

 

Have you heard from him yet?  Maybe something else is going on in his life ATM that is distracting him?

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