I have just been informed that I will not get the opportunity to tell my family at Thanksgiving and I'm a little ticked about that. My older brother ALWAYS hosts Thanksgiving dinner for the past 12 years or more, fought me for hosting Thanksgiving dinner saying I do not always live close enough to host and that we should just agree that the dinner would always be at his house. So I did give in to that request and I host New Years dinner if I am living close enough. Now that I'm returning from Japan for a visit at Thanksgiving and there will be more attention to me then what my brother can apparently tolerate, he has canceled dinner at his house. We had 4 weeks notice, not that it would have mattered. There is no other place we can host a dinner for the number of people that attend this (about 40), plus I will not have the time and energy to organize it since I will not arrive until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Brother and SIL have suddenly decided they need to go to the beach on Thanksgiving weekend which is really odd since they usually go in September. Half of me says I am being conceited thinking this is about me and my visit. The other half knows that this is the way he operates and he has done this before. He frequently requires several months notice for family events but often cancels events or changes the date and time just before and expects everyone to be OK with that. He can be extremely selfish and has always been very wrapped up in self-importance.
I have not yet told him that I am pregnant (and it would probably be the nail that seals the coffin) although he probably suspects or might even already know since my parents know (and inadvertently let slip things on occasion). My older brother tends to be excessively jealous but I really don't know why, he just is. He has 3 kids, a beautiful house, I don't envy him his wife but that's just me. He goes on an exotic vacation yearly (I've never gone on vacations since I couldn't afford them until I married DH and these 'vacation' are always work related). He seems to have a nice, if stressful, life. I have a nice, yet stressful life too. I have never been able to get him to understand it's not all rainbows and unicorns over here, that I have way more medical issues to deal with then he would ever desire. But his view has always been "It can't be that serious".
Half of me wants to just say screw it, I won't tell anyone. But I know some of my family, perhaps 75% want to know and will be very happy for us. It's been a long hard road for me through this whole route. After losing my son and having Elizabeth right away, I had a lot of attention I did not want. The birth was also after Hurricane Katrina hit, so of course there was also a lot of attention there. And DD was born on New Year's Eve and the birth was announced at, guess where? The family New Years Eve party (not hosted at brother's house). So again, more attention I did not wish for. Yet he seems to think I steal his thunder intentionally. Yes, I've traveled and lived a few different places, many more then he did, but I made different choices. SO! He has a nice house he's lived in for 15 years, and I have yet to be in the same house for more then 3! DIfferent choices, different benefits, different drawbacks.
I would normally not complain too much since I would get to see my family at another time or could move the trip to Christmas time. But because DH can not go with me and DD this time, I decided Thanksgiving was a holiday I could handle being away from DH. The tickets have been purchased since last March, so everyone knew the plan. And I won't get the opportunity to see anyone without driving all over the state, not to mention renting a car, and trying to schedule those visits in is not even within my abilities at the moment. Everything would be last minute planning with no guarantees. So my choice, once again, is to give up Christmas and/or New Years and DD's b-day with DH to see my family or just forget about it. I don't want to deal with this at all. If I didn't need to get DD home for a visit with her father and want to visit the US again so much and see some of my friends, I would cancel the trip.
The next opportunity I can absolutely say for sure I will have to see my family is next Thanksgiving/Christmas, well after the birth.