So, I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter and a great husband. He has a tight Jewish Russian family. When we were dating I liked his family enough, we never bonded by any means but they did not bother me. Throughout my pregnancy I started to feel concerned about some of the things his mother would say or the behaviour of his nephews and the lack of discipline of his nephews by his brother and sister-in-law.
Since my daughter was born I'm finding that I dislike spending time with them more and more. His brother and sister-in-law in particular have been aggressive about their expectations of how often they see us. They seem to want to see us at minimum once every two weeks if not more often. I would say we see them at least 3-4 times a month. When we see them, their children are always rude to me, they are 5 and 7 years old and speak to me as if I'm their equal if not their servant. I have nothing in common with my sister-in-law. She is a nice person but we just don't have anything in common and after 2 years of trying I don't see us bonding in any way. I actually really like my husband's brother but as he is playing the role of Mr. Mum and Dad, he is always busy whenever we hang out, taking care of the kids or cooking, cleaning up, etc. that I rarely get to have a conversation with him (which I probably could actually do whereas with my sister-in-law it's like pulling teeth unless we talk about her and her favourite and only hobby - shopping!).
In brief, I really don't enjoy spending time with them. I understand that my husband loves his family and I am happy for him that he does and I understand that he feels an onus to spend a lot of time with them but I just don't enjoy it. I'm not comfortable having him take our daughter to see them without me because I am BF her every 3 hours and because his nephews often throw tantrums where they for example throw things or kick our dog (i.e. they lose control physically and behave violently) and because I don't feel his brother and sister-in-law are respectful of our decisions as parents: they think they know everything and that their way is the right away.
I want to cut down on how often I see them. I'd even rather see his mother more often how makes comments that upset me. I feel like seeing them once a month is enough. Is this not fair?
Don't forget that seeing them doesn't include seeing his father and step mother, seeing his mother and his grandmother, it's a lot! So far they have been very kind not demanding visits or trying to book us up weeks in advance like his brother and sister-in-law do but they need to see their grandchild. His nephews show no interest in our daughter, my sister-in-law holds her as if she is holding a bomb (she is VERY unmaternal and a VERY hands off mother) and my brother-in-law is very loving towards her but as he is pulling double duty he barely ever gets to interact with her.
I'd just like to know if I'm being unreasonable expecting to only see them once a month.