getting beyond potty refusal after initial success

[toughcookie]

hi, i'm sure that there have been a billion threads on this, but i'm looking for short answers on how to get your kiddo back on track with potty training once the "potty timer" method leads to refusal.  we have been using the microwave timer every 20 minutes to get him on for a minute at a time (and then he gets a sticker even if nothing happened).  on day 3 today he is refusing to go completely and will hold it until he just lets loose in his undies.  any thoughts on how to re-encourage him?  he is a very stubborn, strong-willed boy (32 months).

[rubidoux]

I think I am the laziest parent ever.  The idea of trying to make a 2 1/2 year old who doesn't want to use the potty use the potty sounds like shear torture to me.  Must it really be done?  

Anyhow...  I know this may not be going on here, but maybe it could help...  my little guy seemed to think he *should* be able to go in his underwear (maybe it felt similar to a dipe?) and he stopped having accidents as soon as I stopped putting them on him.  Now he's been wearing his shorts/pants w/o unders for a month and I'm scared to reintroduce them.  lol

eta:  I don't know anything about the potty timer method, but it sounds a little odd to me  --  it seems like potty training would be so much easier if the child was aware of the need to go and able to respond to that.  Having them go every 20 minutes doesn't seem like it has much relation to their having an urge to go.  With my LO, who was 3 1/2 when I put away his dipes, I would ask him if he seemed like he was doing the potty dance or something along those lines, but he always told me he didn't need to go.  I have also suggested trying to pee when we're leaving the house or before bed and he is adamant that he doesn't have to and won't and so far (knock wood) he has been right about it.  I guess I'm wondering what your LO's awareness is like and whether the every 20 minute thing is helpful in making him more aware.  Maybe if you get him to pee in the potty a few times, that will actually increase his awareness?  Is that their theory?  Or is it just about trying so often that there's no time for an accident?

Edited by rubidoux - 9/4/12 at 11:40pm

[skycheattraffic]

I think going every 20 minutes may have burned him out a bit. At most I would go with 60 to 90 minutes. There may be accidents but that is part of learning. Many parents have good luck with the naked method too where kiddo can take charge completely since thee is no help needed (unless he has to climb up on the toilet and has trouble with that).

[SunRise]

Ditto the no underwear.

I try not to ask my daughter anymore (the past few days :)), although it is always on my mind. It bothers her and she always says no. She holds her pee for as long a possible. Has let it all out a couple of times, on the floor. By asking, we are being preventive and taking away the little control she has. Letting her pee when she needs to is key.  Letting her let me know is where we are trying to get to.

The other day, at BBQ, I kept my eye on her, thinking, ok she must have to pee, but I let her go and conversed with the other people. Eventually she came to me and said she had to pee.  Entrust. (Secretly I was relieved and really happy and maybe the 2nd time she has initiated it (with words).)

Also, if nothing has been drank, I would think one should go much longer in between bathroom trips.

Edited by SunRise - 9/5/12 at 3:25pm

[toughcookie]

all good ideas. he does WANT to be rid of diapers, that is very clear.  we're slowly getting to the point where he knows when he has to go.   i do agree with the burnout.  i'll chance some more accidents and try not to bug him.  if i combine that with no underwear the only liability is wet pants and floor, which is a lot better than a reluctant and grumpy kid.  

thanks all, for your insights.

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by toughcookie 

all good ideas. he does WANT to be rid of diapers, that is very clear.  

Ahh.  Totally different scenario than I was imagining.  Both of mine wanted their dipes till the bitter end.  lol