I recently had a baby girl who is now 6 months old. I have an issue with my stepmother (of 26 years) being called Grandma. I have a VERY strained relationship with the woman. We have never had a one on one relationship and I do not see her unless my dad is around. It is very akward and uncomfortable between us. I see her at most Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer family reunion and thats the most, and we live 10 minutes from eachother so thats a total of about 3 times a yearI see her although my dad pressures me to see her more which I always say no to. As a child she badmouthed my mother a lot, which she denies. Because of that I was never able to love her cause I knew how much she hated my mother(although she hasn't done that in years the damage to our relationship was done). Now she has rewritten history and goes around saying how she's my "other mother", and how she raised me (funny seeing how my mom raised me) which absolutely disgusts me and is insulting to my mother who did raise me. Stepmom was never was a loving woman to me. I was treated as the unwanted stepchld til at least my mid 20s. She now demands she be called Grandma. I get sick to my stomach with even the thought of calling her Grandma. I just can't call her that even when referring to DD. I have always called Stepmom by her first name. I feel it would be better if she be called something like Nana FirstName or Nanny First Name as that would be a compromise and I would feel more comfortable with her first name in it. But she demands she be called Grandma. Whats interesting though is my dad has great nieces (under 10) that call her by her first name instead of Aunt, and she has no problem with it, but with my baby she demands to be called Grandma. My stepmother is also a very toxic, negative, narcisistic person that I avoid like the plague. In fact all of my dad's family avoid her as well. So its not like I'll ever allow her to be an active grandma as I can only handle her in very small doses. She is very difficult to be around. After I had my baby and Dad and Stepmom came over, she snatched my baby without asking, hogged her, and then got extremely upset at me for taking my baby out of her arms. She has no boundaries. She is also desperate for grandkids cause her biodaughter won't be having them so I guess she figures I'm her only chance. I feel bad for the woman a bit, but I am miserable around her so I don't do anything but holidays with her, and then she gets jealous when she finds out how my mom or MIL got to babysit. Sorry not going to happen. Just cause I had a baby doesn't mean I'm going to start involving her more in my life. She's such a negative person to be around that I just can't have a close relationship with her or put up with her more than a few times a year. Since we don't see her all that often should I just humor her and let her call herself Grandma? I won't be referring to her as Grandma around DD, so hopefully DD will pick up on something else like her first name as that is what DH and I call her. And since she isn't that big apart of our lives who knows if DD will even remember who she is the times we go over.
Also my mom and MIL are very involved. My mom has chosen Grammy and MIL has chosen Grandma. Another reason I feel Stepmom needs to choose another name, as I would prefer that each woman have a different name. There's tons of names to choose from such as Nana, Noni, MeeMaw, MiMi, GiGi, YaYa, but she won't accept anything but Grandma.