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Who else is still waiting a while to tell?

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

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Edited by 1babysmom - 3/21/13 at 8:18am
post #2 of 19

While I haven't experienced losses like you, I do feel the same about waiting.  Every weekend that passes, I think it'll be the one when we share the news, but it comes an goes and I don't feel any urge to spill it.  And we see our parents every weekend.  Surprisingly my bloat has faded too, so all the better. I can't believe I've made it to almost 10 weeks without telling anyone though.  I know everyone will act excited but I secretly worry people will think "what were they thinking??" having another kid.  This baby was a surprise, and while I don't want people to be labeling the baby as an accident, I also feel weird about portraying us as planning to have a baby, as it's not the best for our current situation.  So I guess I feel weird about making a fun, exciting announcement when I kinda feel like making an "it is what it is" announcement, if that makes sense.  

we'll see.... here comes another weekend!

post #3 of 19

I haven't experienced many losses either but I feel the same way. Also, I had several people make negative comments when we said we wanted another so I would like to keep the news only with people who I know are happy about it :) (That includes DH and I and eventually the kids)

post #4 of 19

I've told some friends but being able to post here has solved most of my inner "gotta tell someone" urges. We may tell this weekend, but I'm okay with waiting for a few more weeks too.

 

I fear I'm not going to get a lot of positive responses because of my Sjogren's already makes me tired and sick... pregnancy is just another layer. However, this is what we wanted so we're happy. :)

post #5 of 19

Only 6 weeks right now and not telling.  We've known about a week and a half I think.

 

I wouldn't mind telling extended family except I feel too exhausted to deal with their excitement and questions.  We just moved and are now an hour from our midwife instead of fifteen minutes, and I don't want to field questions about how we're going to handle that until WE know.  Right now there's a possibility I'll do prenatals with a closer midwife & she'll forward my charts on and I'll see my midwife a few times at the end.  I don't know.

 

Also telling extended family means telling our three kids...who are all under five and I have little confidence in their ability to keep it a secret from anybody.  So I kind of feel like if we tell the extended family...everyone will know.  And I guess I just want to enjoy having it our secret for a little longer.

 

I'm on the fluffy side so if I dress carefully I think I can probably slide by for another four weeks, but I'm already starting to pop/bloat so much that I'm not sure any longer than that. 

post #6 of 19

I'm waiting until we get the gender ultrasound, so .. another 10ish weeks if we go in at 18 w. 

I have really no need or desire to have any support in early pregnancy, and honestly HATED that DH told all his family about my last m/c, Idk... I was heartbroken over it, but just hated all the questions and "sorries" and "it's in God's plan" blah blah blah.
 

My 4 and 2 year old know.. my 4 year old hasn't said anything but is super excited and always kissing my tummy, my 2 year old can't talk so no worries with him haha!

post #7 of 19
Thread Starter 
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Edited by 1babysmom - 3/21/13 at 8:17am
post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 

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Edited by 1babysmom - 3/21/13 at 8:17am
post #9 of 19

I am waiting until at least end of September to tell anyone (besides my best friend whom I plan on telling this weekend). I'll be 10 weeks by then. I want to tell my kids first (3.5 yrs & 2 yrs) but I know as soon as we do they will not keep it a secret.  We may even wait much longer than that though.  My sister is trying for her 2nd baby. Her first baby took over a year and fertility drugs and artificial insemination, so I don't want to steal any of her thunder right now.  Plus, my DH's cousin just announced her 1st pregnancy.

 

Add to it that we currently live with my Dad and want to have a solid plan down of moving out before this baby comes before I tell anyone.

 

Its too bad really, because I am really excited about this pregnancy, even though it was a surprise.  I'd love to share the news with someone.

post #10 of 19

I finally told my Dad at the urging of my hubby, and the kids know now.  I did tell a few close friends privately when I had bleeding to ask for prayer.  I know I will need to tell soon as I have been MIA at church due to the bedrest and illness...and have yet to tell the rest of the extended family or my sister.

 

I have another u/s on Tues so I may tell after that if it looks well.  I am thin and show so fast with so many pgs that it wouldn't be a secret long anyway...I agree that having to 'untell' people is awful but on the other hand we could really use the extra prayer too, kwim?  I have to let my previous midwife know we won't be seeing her this time before I announce as well because I know her feelings will be hurt but I respect her too much to hide it or surprise her with records requests.  She delivered my last 3 and I love her as a person so much but we had to make a different decision this time around as hard as that was!

post #11 of 19
Thread Starter 

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Edited by 1babysmom - 4/7/13 at 11:10pm
post #12 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1babysmom View Post

 

Yeah, I got that too.  I hate how people either say the wrong things or intentionally avoid talking about it.  I do realize that part of that is me having unspoken expectations, I guess maybe hoping that somewhere someone will say just the very thing I've been needing to hear.  But that doesn't happen...ESPECIALLY since pretty much everyone surrounding me has never experienced loss, much less any difficulty with pregnancy at all. 

As a very sincere question, when a woman has a loss, what IS it that they'd want to hear? I've never had a loss, but when I know someone, the options are either avoid talking about it, or say something.  And I never have any idea what would be the right thing to say; I can see how anything said could be found annoying and unhelpful, so is just not worth it saying anything at all?  But then I don't want to act like I'm brushing it off as nothing. 

post #13 of 19

(Hi! first time poster!)

 

I had a miscarriage about 11 years ago, and i was a complete and utter wreck. i pretty much didn't want to hear anything, and certain phrases bothered me, then they wouldn't. I would advise a simple "let me know if i can help/if you need anything." or at most, "i'm sorry." 

post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 
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Edited by 1babysmom - 4/7/13 at 11:12pm
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1babysmom View Post

I completely agree with needing the prayer.  I just feel like for me, emotionally there is too much other stuff that comes with telling, so I am content having just a select few be praying for us right now.

 

Oh I totally understand that.  stillheart.gif  I have been there and waited until the 2nd trimester several times but with our current situation it is pretty tough to hide.  Now that it *seems* like everything is going to be ok.   I know that even though  I am reluctant to tell, that I need to soon.  Even to tell my Dad my husband had to poke and prod me for weeks!  lol  I feel pretty awful to have missed 2 funerals I desperately wanted to attend but I just couldn't work out the transport or childcare, and I couldn't walk there like i usually would because of this sch.  So it will be a relief to explain why I couldn't be there to support some people I care about too. 

post #16 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by kippyjr View Post

(Hi! first time poster!)

 

I had a miscarriage about 11 years ago, and i was a complete and utter wreck. i pretty much didn't want to hear anything, and certain phrases bothered me, then they wouldn't. I would advise a simple "let me know if i can help/if you need anything." or at most, "i'm sorry." 

 I've had 2 m/c as well and experienced some other major grief in my life.  Saying "I'm sorry" is a lot better than making an awkward or potentially hurtful comment, that's for sure!

 

I agree with the quote that states something like, "I hated it when they said something and I hated it when they didn't".  Regardless, it just hurt.  Upon my mother's early passing I had a woman from my church ask me within 2 days of her going, "so are you better yet?".  I was so shocked I don't even know what I said...not much...but I sure won't forget the careless words.

post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oliver's Mama View Post

As a very sincere question, when a woman has a loss, what IS it that they'd want to hear? I've never had a loss, but when I know someone, the options are either avoid talking about it, or say something.  And I never have any idea what would be the right thing to say; I can see how anything said could be found annoying and unhelpful, so is just not worth it saying anything at all?  But then I don't want to act like I'm brushing it off as nothing. 

When I had a m/c with my first pregnancy in March, I was devastated and the one remark that drove me nuts over all others was "at least it wasn't further along and then this happened" or "at least you didn't have it and then it died." That's ridiculous. Part of the hurt isn't just losing a child, but never even getting to meet that child. I didn't like when people just kind of blew it off either. I think the best thing to hear during a loss is that you're loved and being thought of and prayed for. Anything else, at the time, just feels like a disregard for your feelings. 

post #18 of 19
We have told our immediate family and aren't telling "the world" til probably after the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks or so... It's been years and years of struggles for us to get here.... So we need to wait for our sanity lol and I need time for it to sink in lol I'm 11 weeks and it still hasn't, I often feel like it just can't be real...
post #19 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenlea View Post

I am waiting until at least end of September to tell anyone (besides my best friend whom I plan on telling this weekend). I'll be 10 weeks by then. I want to tell my kids first (3.5 yrs & 2 yrs) but I know as soon as we do they will not keep it a secret.  We may even wait much longer than that though.  My sister is trying for her 2nd baby. Her first baby took over a year and fertility drugs and artificial insemination, so I don't want to steal any of her thunder right now.  Plus, my DH's cousin just announced her 1st pregnancy.

 

Add to it that we currently live with my Dad and want to have a solid plan down of moving out before this baby comes before I tell anyone.

 

Its too bad really, because I am really excited about this pregnancy, even though it was a surprise.  I'd love to share the news with someone.

We just found out yesterday, so still taking it in (very surprise, albeit a pleasant one, difficult circumstances surrounding the pregnancy itself), but I'm going to wait a little bit longer. I'm ~9.5 weeks, I at least want to get an "official" positive, because otherwise my mom will blow it off as a false positive, but like you, we're currently living with my parents, but we have a house we'll be getting the keys to on Friday, so I want to wait until we get that first. I'm really excited, too, even though this was the last thing I expected would be happening right now. DF was saying how he's going to go to work and tell everybody, and I was like "I want to tell people!" so I came here. :P

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