How are your toddlers adjusting? « Back to Group Discussions

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

DD1 is almost 29 months and doing fairly well with being a new big sister. She is SUPER interested in the baby and wants to hold and kiss her all the time. Her biggest issue is sleep. She has never been a good sleeper, but now she is taking well over an hour to get to sleep and wakes up 4-6x in a single night. She is also having many more meltdowns over nothing at all and is being more destructive than usual - just running around dumping out her toys etc.

Both DH and I have lost our patience with her several times and have ended up feeling absolutely horrible because we know that she is having emotions that are really powerful but that she is not capable of expressing verbally, so she is acting out. DD1 has always been a challenging child but we have less to give right now and she has SOOOO many needs. We are having a hard time keeping up.

Curious to hear others' experiences.

[Ninetales]

All things considered, I think we're doing pretty well.  Elsa seems to love him very much.  She's always wanting to kiss on him and hug him.  It seems like she's always wanting to hold him and get up in his face and whatnot.  She clearly needs more attention that I'm able to give her right now and it's killing me that I can't. 

She also gets frustrated easily and is prone to throwing fits.  That could easily be her age, though.  Sleeping isn't really bad overall, but she really could use a daytime nap and 1) there never seems to be time to fit it in, and 2) she refuses until it's after 3, which is too late.  When we do go to bed she insists on sleeping on Oscar's other side which makes me sleep a little lighter but there's not been a problem with that.  It just makes me a little more aware at night.

The tiredness has made me and J pretty irritable too.  I've snapped at her more than a few times and I tend to get frustrated when she wants things she can't have, or gets up in my face, or bothers the baby when I've just gotten him to fall asleep.  I definitely need to work on my patience.

[rebecca10]

Thanks for posting this!  So far (five days in)  dealing with the toddler has been far more challenging than the newborn.   Our two and a half year old is acting similarly to what you to describe.  Totally in love with her baby sister and super cute with her--lots of kisses and sharing of toys etc.  But she's clearly feeling the stress and doing a fair amount of acting up and just being more needy.  Today was her first day back at a relatively new preschool and it didn't go well.  She cried at little things throughout the day, which she has never done before.  Poor little girl.  It's a lot of changes all at once.

1stTimeMama and anyone else-- are you tandem nursing? How's it going? Sor far for me, I think it going about as well as I could hope for, but still is somwhat anxiety producing. My daughter has been pretty good about sharing "mommy's milk" and taking turns--she even pointed out this morning that the baby was rooting and needed to nurse.  But she wants a lot of nursing.  My milk came in and I'm on day two of engorgement. It's great that she can relieve the pressure, but I'm worried my production will never settle down and also that the baby won't get enough, with a toddler drinking up whatever she can get.  And I feel really torn about how many limits to place on her nursing.  I haven't tried actually nursing them at the same time yet--probably won't for  a while.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

So I am now wondering whether perhaps we have reached the end of naps.  2 1/2 seems awfully young for that, and I'm very concerned that it's just because of the upheaval in DD1's life, but she has taken well over an hour when we have actually gotten her down, and we've only been successful about 1/2 of the time - the other times, we've given up and let her stay up since she CLEARLY was not going to nap and we just couldn't spend any more time trying.Ough.  We REALLY REALLY need her to nap!!!!

Rebecca - we are tandeming.  I've nursed both at the same time many times, but I limit DD1 to no more than a minute or two because I'm concerned that DD2 needs the milk (there is probably plenty for both, but I worry anyway) and I just don't like nursing her.  She started nursing differently during my pregnancy and it made my skin crawl then, and I was hoping it would get better once I had milk again and it hasn't.  During my pregnancy she was limited to a minute or two, so this isn't new for her. I do want to say yes to her any time she asks, but I just can't nurse her for very long because it feels awful.  I'm sad to say that, but it's true.  I have to grit my teeth sometimes. I've read of other mamas having that problem and I get it. 

I can't wean DD1 now because I don't want to create any negative associations with DD2, but it's definitely on the horizon. 

[Ninetales]

We are also tandeming but I have to admit I don't love it.  It's definitely not the sweet ethereal experience a lot of people described to me.  It's kind of annoying.  Maybe because I know she only wants it because he has it.  After I dried up around 22 weeks she didn't seem to care at all that it was gone.  Luckily she only goes a minute or two and gets bored so I don't fight it.  I focused more on teaching her to ask politely and no more grabbing at me or demanding it.  And I make her wait until the baby is settled first, and I redirect her if she asks while he's not nursing.  I prefer they go at the same time rather than let her go alone.

[KristyDi]

We're doing ok here.  Right after Emma was born Katie had some pretty dramatic mood swings.  Every emotion seemed magnified and there were some pretty epic fits (very unusual for her) and a fair bit of attention seeking behavior.  3 weeks in she seems to be calming down some.  I've been ttrying to remember to invite her to sit on my lap or do something fun with her whenever Emma naps in the swing or something.  I've also been making a point of mentioning what a great big sister and helper she is whenever anyone comments of the baby.

I was open to tandeming if Katie asked to start nursing again (she weaned just before 20 weeks when my milk dried up) but she forgot how to latch.  She was a little sad when she couldin't figure out how to nurse anymore.  I suggested she could just "snuggle with the boob" which was just her laying her head on my breast.  That seemed to satisfy her.  She asked to do that afew times over the next few days, but hasn't asked for about a week now.