I think in the OP... you could bring over a home cooked meal prepared in good faith. It's up to them whether or not they eat it.
When I first learned DD and I were gluten intolerant, I felt terrible having to turn down food. Now I've gotten pretty matter of fact about it and if someone offers to cook for me, I usually tell them thanks, but please don't go through the trouble, because she and I are both so sensitive. Very occasionally I've gotten a dinner invitation I felt I couldn't refuse and in that case I was honest and said, "Look, are you sure you want to get into this? Because in order for me to eat that, this is what is involved...." I'm not trying to inconvenience others, but I'm not trying to get sick either. It's a bummer because I grew up in a culture where meal sharing is so incredibly important, and it took me a long time to work out how to refuse food gracefully as that is simply not something I learned to do as a kid. When someone gave you food, you said thanks and ate it.
Now when we go places, we have always packed food because it is the safest and least stressful course for me. That also makes it easy to turn down food honestly without having to pretend to not be hungry.
I'm also uncomfortable with DD eating lots of sugar because I think her intolerance is possibly some sort of GAPS issue. But, I did decide for my own sanity to let it go for now since eating sugar doesn't result in immediate, shooting diarrhea and long term exposure has thus far not caused her to become emaciated (which is what happens with gluten). We do very little sugar at home, but when we are out my only rule is that I have to be confident the food item is gf and safe for DD. If we were doing a strict GAPS diet, and I would like to someday, I would just use the same line I use for gluteny things which is, "Thanks so much for thinking of us, but we brought our own food." At this point, the people in my life are used to it. ;)
But just because DD and I can't eat it doesn't make it crap. I agree with Linda: It's just food we can't eat. I do not like to refer to any food that people eat as "crap"... it feels rude to me. I do my best to be polite and if someone else thinks I am judging them because of what I don't eat... that's not really something I can control, you know?
Limabean, I think you are right about the phrase crap food. It's super prevelant on mdc. It's also prevalent among people I know. There is a big difference, to me, between someone saying, "I ate a bunch of crap today" and "Ew, can you believe people feed their kids that crap," gesture to chips, McDs, Kool Aid, etc. And I am guilty of using the phrase crap food callously but I learned that I was hurting DPs feelings by saying it so I stopped. Learning to be nonjudgmental of his eating habits (and remembering they were his responsiblity and not mine) did more to create space for him to a become healthier eater than criticizing him ever did.
Edited by cyclamen - 9/11/12 at 7:14pm