Xposted in special needs: parenting schedule and a child with autism

[julianito]

My son is just seven, starting first grade, and my husband and I are splitting. My son has home-based ABA and speech, OT etc. outside of school time, plus the requisite kid stuff, playdates, soccer, and birthday parties, all of which need pre-teaching.

My husband works full-time and travels, but wants a 50-50 split parenting schedule. We tried this for a month and my son is regressing loads. My husband has made about little less than half his appointments and can not feasibly do so without multiple caregivers.

I have been at home with him, and know my son can not have his needs met when we have two full-time jobs. I tried it for a year, and his ABA therapist said, too much inconsistency.

I am seeking proposals that help split time somewhat, but also have a lot of consistency and follow through from a treatement perspective (not my DH's forte).

Do any of you do this? What has worked for you?

[provocativa]

No personal advice, but you need a therapist who sees him regularly who can make a professional recommendation to the court about this.  Usually they will write a letter to the court, but some will go testify.

[hippymomma69]

My ex and I face similar issues with our oldest child....

I had been working part-time teaching music but the hours are usually after-school and weekends - right when the kids need a parent!

After a few incidents at school and home I had a long talk with my ex and we both decided that since I made less money, I would shift my schedule to be home in the afternoons and weekends with the kids and quit teaching music.  I will look for part-time work that is during school hours (I am currently a student now but hope to be working again by the fall).

He then has the kids 3 evenings a week - after playdates/appointments/etc are all done, around 6 or 7pm. He also has them on Sundays during the day (and sometimes the evening as well)

It's not quite 50/50 but he gets plenty of quality time with the kids AND there is consistency in their schedules.

It is a sad fact of life but parents of special needs kids need at least one parent who works no more than part-time.

Hopefully you can get your ex on board with this and he can increase his support to you....rather than paying strangers to watch his child and take him to appointments - it might as well be his mom!

I would say just start by trying to figure out your child's needs first, then working your schedules around his needs to create as much stability as possible.

good luck!